TechnoIndigo

Shabbat

2012-02-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

~Woke up late this morning because I set my 5:30 alarm... that is set to go off only on weekdays. Not on weekends.

~My car door was frozen shut and I was 15 minutes late to work this morning. First time being late. I don't plan on letting that happen again.

~My old laptop computer's keyboard decided to forget how to use a few integral keys. So here I sit at my laptop with an old Mac keyboard sitting on top of it to type on.

Not much else to say about that. It was an interesting day. And I'm going to get some sleep soon.

I logged in to my AIM account earlier and saw the old username of one of my cousins that I've only spoken to online. I Googled him to see what he is up to these days since we don't chat any more. Kind of scary how easy that is. But I found he has started his own business in, what seems to be, the family hobby of photography. So funny how many people in my family are into photography.

Anyway, that was a kind of random discovery for the day.

It's so odd typing and not having to make short little notes after doing that all day.

I also tried to talk on my cell phone this evening after getting off work, and I couldn't understand anything my friend was saying. My brain was just too tired or something after listening to voices being processed electronically all week. My ears have just been longing for some analogue communication. So happy for church tomorrow. And although tomorrow is going to be fairly busy, it is my Shabbat, and I so need it.

Shabbat Shalom.

Off the grid

2012-01-30T04:46:00.000-08:00

Well I'm heading to my apartment in the morning before I go in to work. Then going to it tomorrow night when I get off work. Gonna miss the futon.... lol...

I don't have internet set up at my apartment yet. May be waiting on that a bit.

Because of that I may be taking a trip to McD's this week to get online!!!

Well, enough posting for now. I have to shut down my computer and pack it up to go.

Lift heavy

2012-01-28T19:21:00.000-08:00

I need to lift heavy things more often.

Having moved a fair amount of stuff today, and not normally practicing lifting heavy objects, my biceps are on fire, along with all the muscles in my forearms.

Motivation to work out more I guess.

Running out of titles for posts

2012-01-27T21:27:00.000-08:00

I'm moving tomorrow. Officially.

Forgot to look at my schedule for next week before leaving work tonight. We switched to a new schedule system and I forgot to log in to it. Well, I found out I'm working a later shift. Didn't get to see the rest of the week's schedule. Hope it's not late like that on Wednesday. Gonna be swapping if I can if it is like that Wednesday.

Tomorrow I will be packing a bunch of my stuff out to the new apartment. Also going to be receiving so much. I feel so blessed by the women at church. Blessed beyond measure. Beyond what I deserve.

I was also encouraged at work today. Received a "feedback" report. We have our calls monitored. This was the report from one. I was encouraged by the things I was doing right. I was given a couple of tips, but they were fewer than the encouragements. That was good.

OK. That's all I can get written tonight. My eyes are crossing and I need to go to bed so I can finish packing in the morning what I'm going to take with me this weekend. I have a feeling I'll be gathering/organizing things for a while. As long as I have my bed/clothes/computer I should be ok. Lol. Though I won't have internet yet. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do for sure about that. I have my music on my computer. Just put some more of my worship music cd's on there too. Listening to more of that lately. Needing to listen to it.

I need to remember to tape up my plastic totes. I don't trust those lids with tiny little plastic tabs holding them on. Bad thing is I packed my pocket knives and scissors in one of my boxes.... Oops :-P

Moving

2012-01-22T19:53:00.000-08:00

Packing. That's one of the hardest parts of moving. Just going through everything and putting it in a box. I have a week of evenings to pack. Of course I will probably be coming home on the weekends to do laundry, since I still go to church out this way. So I can still keep coming by to pick up things I need.

I move on Saturday officially.

I thought I had a place to move to last Monday. Well, let me back up some. I need to start listening to those, what I call "predict the day" dreams. It's happened a couple of times in the past. I have a dream before I wake up, and then at some point during the day, that thing I dreamed earlier actually happens. So last Sunday night/Monday morning, I had dreamed that I was visiting this house I was going to go look at. It was a duplex. Anyway, when I walked in, in the dream, there was someone else still living there. Their stuff was all over the place. The house looked in horrible condition and dark. I walked down the steps into the basement and there was particle board on the ceiling that had a hole through it as if it had been wet. I looked around and thought "I can't live here." Well, now later that day, I went to go look at the actual duplex. Although there were no current occupants or items strewn about, the place smelled horribly of a mildewy/musty/old house smell. Well, needless to say I didn't listen to the Holy Spirit and put a deposit down on it because I felt I was at my last hope of finding housing. As I thought about it more I realized I really shouldn't have done that. Thankfully I was able to get my money back. And will be using checks from now on... Anyway, I was sitting at work the next day, all torn up about the whole thing, because it wouldn't be until the next day, Wednesday of last week, that I was able to get my money back. But I was sitting at work, during a break, and was thinking about dreams, and realized I had the dream the night before about the house I went to look at, and the bad feelings I got from the dream, and I had somehow forgotten that during the whole time looking at the place!!

I went yesterday to look at apartments with a friend from church. Such a blessing. We were only able to look at one place, but it was within the price range, and it looked good. Small, but good. I like my space, so I think most anything is small, although it's larger than my dorm room from freshman year, so in consideration to that, it's pretty roomy!! And I won't need much space anyway, living by myself. I am considering a few lamps, however. One window in the living room, and one in the bedroom is not enough light for me.

It was so good last week, as well as this morning at church, to be reminded that I'm not alone.

Last night at church people were sharing their testimonies, and we were singing praise songs. It was so encouraging. Afterwards a lot of us went out to eat and fellowship. Today at church was encouraging as well. We have victory over the enemy. Tonight we celebrated as 3 young people we baptized, and we had communion. "Where would you be today without Jesus?" What a question. We prayed for some dear members of our church family. We are expecting miracles.

Things to remember for this week (and beyond) - praying on the armor, remembering I am victorious in Christ, I am not alone.

I need to make a list of things I will need when I move in. Like TP, and dish soap, and dishes?? I have some? In the shed somewhere. Didn't find them when I went spelunking in there today. OK, enough thinking for tonight. I need to go to bed and sleep before work tomorrow. There's a bit of a storm raging outside right now. Warm temps running into cold temps. Not a good combo. But God is greater than the storm.

Things to do this week

2012-01-02T20:52:00.000-08:00

So there's some stuff I need to do this week.

- Survive the rest of the mentoring week at work (and thus survive after I don't have my mentor and I'm completely solo on the phone!) I just feel like I'm gonna forget to say something, or not say the right thing. I NEED MORE CONFIDENCE!!!!! I know I know the material. I'm just not that great at knowing where to lead the conversation right away. And I need to be. I'm such a pushover too. I mean, how do I lead the conversation where I need to? Do something every day that scares you, right? I know God put me in this position for a reason. I know I'm going to get better at the conversational part of the call. I'm just super apprehensive right now because my confidence meter is so low I guess. And I have a ton of other stuff going on in my head right now too.

- Buy a cell phone? I just need to make a decision what phone, what plan, and all that... But I need one for when I get my own place... soon...

- Call churches in town this weekend and see if they have any info on anyone needing roomies. Coz I need to find a place to live. I don't know what I'll end up doing. I'm praying about it. Moving in with someone else could be really good. Or it could be really awkward. I would feel weird moving in with someone. Maybe someone else that is apartment searching. The thought of moving in with someone already established in an apartment or house is kind of daunting. I'm probably not the best of roommates. And there's so much going on right now I'm kind of overwhelmed as it is.

-Remember to breathe. And pray. And sleep. And eat. And shower. Lol. With everything going on I feel like I'm going to need a reminder...

- Oh, and workout. I worked out some today. I know I'm gonna feel it tomorrow. But it was good. At least I got a workout in. However short it was. I need to get back into being disciplined. Like I was before college. College kind of ruined discipline for me O_o

I have a crazy schedule this week. My mentor even said it was crazy. 10:30am-7pm tomorrow. Then 8:45am-5:15pm, then repeat the last two days of the week.

Stressed. Discouraged. Lonely.

2012-01-01T22:02:00.000-08:00

I have so much on my mind right now.

- Learning how to do my new job. There's a lot of how things need to be said at work, that I just don't get quite as easily as others. You know that saying "Do something every day that scares you"? Yeah...
- I do have a really good "mentor" at work who is a really strong Christian, and isn't afraid of telling me how it is with Jesus and worry. Really good reminder... In fact, there's quite a few really strong brothers and sisters in Christ there in my department. That is encouraging.

- Trying to find an apartment. I just don't know what all to look for, or where all to look. I'm trying to talk with people at work who actually live in town and see about what they know of prices and availability.

- I haven't even started packing or looking through my stuff in the shed to see what I need to take with me.

- I don't have any furniture. No bed. No couch. No desk. No tv. The bed and the desk will be the most important ones. The bed and the computer are the first things I set up when I get someplace new. As I had to do so often in college. Also no washer or dryer. No microwave or toaster oven. I do have my old coffee pot. I think it still works as good as it did in college. If I can locate it.

- Wondering how I'm going to manage living on my own, without roommates. Through growing up and college I have always had a roommate to some capacity. I don't particularly like being by myself, but it will probably motivate me to exercise more, since I don't like being watched or feeling like someone may walk in on me when I exercise.

- I'm probably going to try to find a young adult/singles ministry to go to on nights when my home church doesn't meet. Gonna need some kind of social life and friends in town. I literally don't know anyone who lives in town that I can hang out with or whatever. Though I think there are at least one or two people I know from college who live down here. But none I contact on a regular basis.

I need to remember these things...
~~“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.~~ Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

searching

2011-12-27T18:40:00.000-08:00

Searching for apartments is a craps shoot. I have been looking by dedicated websites and have some prospects. Looking on the map by searching "apartments" and the city name is the worst. Half the time I end up on the homepage for a retirement home.

I realized last night that I don't have any furniture. None. I'm going to need a bed, a couch, maybe a tv. Definitely will need a small desk. Might try and get a coffee table. There's one I've had my eye on at a second hand shop. It's way high priced. It hadn't moved for over a year. Might go see if it's still available and make an offer. The least they can say is "no" if the offer is too low for them. It's worth a shot, right?

Pray for me as I search.

Also pray for me tomorrow and through this next week/couple of weeks. Going on the phones live. With a mentor for this week and part of next, but then going on them by myself. Praying for confidence and grace!

Oh, and I just found out today that one of the women who used to go to the same church I went to when I was growing up is actually in our offices as a phone operator! Finding connections all over the place it seems!

For now I am going to bed. Or at least soon I will be. Especially since I'm kind of nervous about tomorrow!

Review blog and Etsy

2011-10-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

http://technoindigo-review.blogspot.com/2011/10/caffemallows.html

Updated my review blog. Posting all my old reviews. Then I may see if I can get back into doing reviews.

Also, I've been working on making iPod/iPhone/gadget cases from felt with all sorts of geeky designs. I am going to put them up on Etsy when I get a few made up, like 5 or so designs, just to start out. I made a prototype design, of the Serenity logo from the movie Serenity (for all you non-geeks it's a movie based off the sci-fi space western series Firefly). Also making a case that looks like bacon. And one of the TARDIS (the British Police Box time machine from the long-running British series Dr. Who. (In all honesty I've never actually seen a full episode of Dr. Who but it is quite popular in the geek realm.) I will probably be making more Domo inspired cases, as well as the Creeper from the popular game Minecraft. Thanks to Thinkgeek's New Items for always keeping me up to date with all the newest popular items in geek culture. I usually watch what goes up on there because I find it quite intriguing.

Also, I'm helping the neighbor at her flea market on the weekends.

That's pretty much what's going on.

Job, Sushi, Dreams

2011-05-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

Update on the job front. I was told of a job at Mead Johnson by a friend from church who works there. I sent in my resume. I went in for the interview. I was the second person in line for the job. The first person in line for it passed on it for whatever reason. I don't think that is a coincidence. I've felt God moving through this process with this interview and everything. I got the call Friday afternoon offering me the position. I obviously accepted. It is a temp job, about two months I believe. I may be starting next Monday. I'm not sure quite yet. I went over for the background check and drug screening today. They said they might have me back Friday for a session and then Monday for orientation. The position is doing office work, a lot of troubleshooting a program and digging around in it to find what needs to be found, and calling companies verifying data, etc. I am very excited to finally have a job! God may use this to open more doors for me!

The church I am going to, NPCC, is starting a singles ministry. So some of the singles are going to be getting together on Saturday evening to eat, have a Bible study, and watch a movie. I have the sushi rice, seaweed wraps, and bamboo roller to make sushi, so we will be getting things for filling for it that day. I am excited to make sushi again! And *eat* it! :P At least it won't be near as hot as the last time I made sushi, in the middle of the heatwave last summer.

I've been looking at various Flickr streams lately. And have been dreaming about a DSLR camera. Can't get one yet. But I can dream, can't I?! I always look for places where I'd like to take pictures. I have an app on my iPod for photography. A few apps actually. I like using the filters that make the pictures look aged, like an old slide, or early film, or Polaroid, etc. And those are all great for the 2.1 MP quality of the iPod. I dream of taking pictures in high quality, like more than 12 MP, more like mid teens on the pixels. I know some point & shoot cameras are at least 12 MP, which is a far cry from the 5 MP one I have. But I always want to manipulate the depth of field (DOF), the focus, manually, and get the sharpness where I want it, and get better quality images that aren't as pixelated when zoomed in on. Also being able to set shutter speed since I have a fascination with nighttime photography. That's just something I want to do someday. Of course I also dream of the day Polaroid re-establishes it's 600 film...

2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Not a question of IF but WHEN

2011-04-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

That's what the owner of the computer shop said to me today when I finally met him in person. It's not a question of if they will hire me, but when. Excited for this opportunity. Again, praying for something for the time being. And wanting to continue to learn more before I start at the repair shop, because I'm currently a little rusty with everything since it's been a couple years since I've been in practice of computer repairs every day. Might also see if I can borrow some books from my brother. I think he's got a few techy books. If he can find them since they moved recently. That's it for now. Just that update.

ramblings

2011-04-18T22:48:00.000-07:00

Wishing that the promise of a job at a computer repair store was only a week away instead of months, when the new store is scheduled to open.

I'm glad someone liked my resume and my Dad's description of how I work on computers (fairly slow but determined to solve the problem, not sell some "quick fix" that will break sooner rather than later). It sounds like a really cool job.

I just need something in the meantime.

I found a bunch of my old text books I can try to sell.

I've thought about posting a sign in the post office for people to call for computer help. Or maybe trying to put together a class on computers for the older folks in the area, or those that generally don't know anything about computers. Not sure how I would pull that off. I don't know of any place locally that has a computer lab similar to what was at college. That would be an ideal setting for a class, because it would be uniform and people could go through step by step. I don't know how I would organize the information either. I mean where does one start? Maybe the "On" button? Lol. Probably, I suppose.

In other news, I've been trying to keep a regular workout schedule. Lost a couple of pounds since starting to work out more often. Need to go at it hard though. Stairs are getting easier, as my knees have been horrid. Not that they haven't always been, just more so in the last few years. I just wish I had a bike. An exercise bike or a Beach Cruiser (old fashioned). That's something I have always loved doing, biking. I haven't been on a proper bike for years. Yeah, I had a mountain bike the last year of college. But I have a strong dislike for mountain bikes or racing/road bikes. I like the Beach Cruiser. It has two speeds: Stop and Go. The coaster breaks are easy to use and don't tend to send the rider flying over the handlebars. The handlebars are at a comfortable angle, not worried about speed or aerodynamics. The seat doesn't give you a wedgie. The fenders make it rideable in the rain. Sadly my old one was accidentally sold at a yard sale my brother had after he borrowed it since I was away at college. Oh well.

I'm a bit stressed right now.

I had some fun editing a picture this afternoon.

I have started watching Firefly. It's a good show. How I went so long without watching it I don't know. I now understand the handful of Firefly shirts and various items on ThinkGeek's website. I will soon be needing to track down someone with a copy of the movie Serenity to borrow and watch.

I am addicted to the app Instagram. I've made a photo album on Facebook to showcase the results of my addiction.

I recently found (in the middle of sorting a box I'd packed long ago) a little jar full of rice and a single walnut, that is now sitting on my desk. :) It's a good reminder.

Chromercise.

I won a case of cookies from a contest by @BevNerd.

I got a birthday postcard from Dunkin Donuts for a free medium coffee. Now to get there and get my coffee. Maybe an Iced Mocha. I haven't had one of those in ages.

I recently acquired a guitar. It's a Yamaha. It's electric. I don't have a cord or an amp. It's sitting out of tune in a corner for the moment. I've been trying to learn chords for it. Most people who know me know I'm not very musically inclined. It's something I like, but usually leave up to the professionals. I need to keep my fingernails very short in order to get my fingertips to touch the strings like they should. Working on finger flexibility too. Although my left hand is much more flexible than my right, and I even sign right handed. I can't make a W/6 with my right hand as well as my left though. I blame that on a papercut I got on my left hand when I grabbed a cardboard box wrong when prepping to move back when I was 14. I cut my pinky finger on my left hand and had a bandaid on it, and in order to keep the bandaid in place at night, I would lay my hand down with my pinky finger bent under. This became a habit when I slept, and has caused that finger to be more flexible than its counterpart on my right hand.

Speaking of fingernails, I know it's time to trim them when I can't functionally use my iPod.

I started listening to music earlier to hear a specific track. I completely missed that song and just now noticed I am about 4 songs past it.

I think it's time I go to bed.

hmph

2011-03-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

I've written and rewritten a post about four times already. I just can't find the right words to express what I want to express. So I will sum it up like this: I dislike society and all of its stupidity. Not society as a people, but society as the set of rules "they" want you to live by. I hate it. It is frustrating. And I hate being told I have to fit into someone's cookie cutter ideologies in order to get anywhere. What I would like to tell the whole corporate world - relax. And take some fashion advice from Steve Jobs, and let the women dress like that too.

*This blog post is a result of some people basically telling me I have failed at my past job interviews by dressing in dress slacks, pretty shoes with a slight heel, a nice blouse, and no make-up. Apparently I am supposed to jump through hoops of fire while wearing professionally done make-up, high heeled shoes with pantyhose and a skirt with a fitted blouse. I hate it because I don't look good in any of it. Frankly I don't look good in anything right now because of my weight. I hate it and am working on losing weight. But right now is right now. I can't change in five minutes. I hate the clown show one has to go through to get anywhere in the corporate world.

That's my two cents.

Random Blog # ????

2011-03-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just get so tired some days that you can feel your heart beat and your eyes are grainy and just want to close even though it is well before you usually go to bed?

Yeah, I'm there right now. Not really exhausted or anything. I only walked a little bit around Wal-Mart with a friend whose house I'm watching for her while she is gone on vacation. It's amazing how even the shortest trip around Wal-Mart can wear a person of any age out. We then went over to her house to go over some things I'd need to know for the week. Also hung out with her teenage son as he tried to teach me a little of how to play Call of Duty (CoD). Such a fun game. Even if I do get killed constantly because I have no idea how to use the controller properly.

Yes, I am a gamer; at least I'd like to think so. A PC gamer mostly. And not even the newest games on PC. I still think of myself as a gamer. I tend towards the retro games, since that is what I actually have. A handful of retro console games. I have the old N64 and about three games on that. The PS1 is not my favorite, unless I am playing Metal Gear Solid. Borrowed that from my brother one time. I like the FPS (First Person Shooter) games on the N64. My first real experience with FPS games was Chex Quest on the PC back in 96. It is modeled after DOOM, one of the original FPS games.

Enough about gaming for now.

I had a dream this morning that I was given a DSLR camera by someone, I don't know who. I went around to places with people and started taking pictures. That was kind of odd because I would really like to do landscape pictures or take pictures of old buildings and industrial sites. But I guess you have to take pictures of people if you are going to waltz around with a DSLR around your neck. I think in the dream I was just excited to have a DSLR and was just wanting to take photos of anything. It kept adjusting the focus and seeing what all it could do and everything. And I was thinking I knew it was only a dream and I didn't want to wake up from the dream. So even after I was mostly awake I still laid there with my eyes closed trying to keep the dream going, and see what I would take a picture of next. Then I woke up all the way, slightly frustrated it was only a dream.

The rest of today consisted of getting ready to go meet my friend in town. Also read some new blogs on blogging, and just a few blogs in general. I feel too wordy and random to have a blog with a lot of readers. Although this blog does get a lot of views. Mostly on the page where I shared a Domo picture from a person on Flickr. Lots of views from Malaysia and the Philippines. I guess people over there enjoy "cute domo" pictures.

I think it is about time for me to go to bed. I keep getting super tired earlier than I normally end up going to bed. Earlier this week I was laying in bed trying to get my iPod connected and cancel the sync so I could put some music on and sleep. Well my eyelids were already heavy as lead by that point, and I was scrolling through Twitter while laying down, waiting on the sync to cancel. I let my eyes close and almost fell asleep. I was in that half-awake-half-asleep stage where I have really weird dreams/whatever those are called at that point. Really weird stuff anyway. I was anxious as I woke back up momentarily enough to set my iPod down on top of the old computer beside my bed that doubles as a nightstand. I don't think I've been that tired in a while. I don't even know why I was so tired. I usually end up staying awake past 2am. This was right at 2am and I was out like a light, fairly literally.

Maybe tonight my bed won't be occupied by a relatively small feline. Lately Missy has taken to sleeping on my turned down blankets, and leaving me little room to lay down.

Anyway, it is time for me to go sleep. Maybe I will have some more strange dreams to blog about.

What to blog about?

2011-02-19T14:25:00.000-08:00

Hmm... what to blog about?

Energy Drink Blog? Nah. It's going well. I'm sure you wanted to hear that. The only people who support that blog are other reviewers and the companies getting reviewed. Not once has anyone I know personally said to me in person, "Hey what you're doing is pretty cool, you're writing and doing something you enjoy, while also being informative for people," or anything else encouraging. Mostly because everyone "knows" energy drinks are so bad for you. Well, so are a lot of other things.

Exercise? Nope. I hate when people see me exercise, so I do it quietly, where no one will see me. I feel like I'm being judged if anyone sees me exercising. I am trying to do more exercising, obviously (or not so obviously i don't know). I am trying to drink more water than I used to, especially since being sick in December. That whole thing being sick made me want to try to be healthier in general.

Art/drawings? No. When I post pictures I never get comments on them. Although today I finally did, by a friend I have known, only online, since I was about 13 or 14. She commented on my drawing.

I draw random cartoon-ish things, if I see something funny, at least if I think it's funny or meaningful in some regard, and I get an idea of something to draw.

But then there's the single line drawings that I do. I've drawn like this for a long time, always something really small in the top corner of my notepaper while waiting for a class to start or something. I start in one corner drawing a line in random directions and patterns and I come out with a strange looking design that looks kind of like a maze but isn't. Below is a recent example of one of my full page drawings. It cropped a little because the scanner wasn't big enough to fit the whole paper but you get the idea.

Anyway, I was at church the other night and they had supper there, which I had already eaten at the house before going. So I got a drink and I was sitting there with my styrofoam cup and started drawing on it. I was just going to write my name on it (in case I set it down and walked away, don't wanna do that with Mountain Dew!), but instead started to draw in the above style, randomly. A couple people saw it, and asked if I was bored. I still had my styrofoam cup with me when I went in to the youth classroom. A couple of the teens saw it and asked if I could draw a cross for the album cover for their garage band. They thought it was pretty neat. I thought it was interesting how the two groups responded.

Anything else? No. I'm not one of the Newsies. I have failed at carpe diem.

And this is all why I didn't want to blog the other day. Too many stupid negative things.

2011-02-17T22:19:00.001-08:00

Well, I was going to write a blog post but then I figured against it. So this is all you get.

Random blog is random

2011-01-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

It was pointed out to me recently that I've not posted anything in a while. I haven't really had much on my mind to post.

Life is still... the same.

I've found a new hobby. Sewing gadget cases out of felt. I posted a few pics on my Facebook in a album titled "Crafty Stuff". Although I have been slacking off on it since I got sick last week.

Yeah, the week of Christmas I started coughing on Tuesday night. That led into a fever on Wednesday. Still felt cruddy on Friday when we had our Christmas thing at our house. My sister and my mom went to my other sisters house on Saturday. Dad and I both stayed home, both sick. I stayed home from church on Sunday. Also didn't try to go on Wednesday, which was good because I found out they didn't meet that night. So many people from church had been sick last week.

I actually went to a New Years party last night (New Years Eve). I made it home before midnight, so I watched part of the Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve. I went to the party at my church. Not many people but it was fun. I laughed a lot, and therefore coughed a lot, but so did everyone else. We watched a Tim Hawkings video. He's a Christian comedian. Funny stuff. I'm usually not one for comedy or anything, but that was a good time. When I came out of church it was raining buckets. By the time I got in my car I was soaked through on one side because of the way the wind was blowing. It was fun. That was while it was still warm before the cold front moved through so getting wet didn't mean getting cold and therefore more sick. I guess it's a step in the right direction when you can enjoy being caught out in the rain for a couple minutes getting soaked to the bone and driving home, when you're all by yourself.

What else.... I'm not really sure. There's not much else left to say.

It's a new year. What will that bring? I don't know. Hopefully something more. Something better. Honestly I'm glad 2010 is over.

Flipped gravity = Weird dreams

2010-11-04T07:02:00.000-07:00

My dad said something the other day about some news report claiming that the earth is slowly turning on it's head/gravity is switching from the north pole to the south or something like that. Anyway, I was sleeping this morning and had a super strange dream.

I was in an old house first. I was with my family, the usual ones I think who gather here on Thanksgiving I guess. And in one room, as I was wandering through this house that had more than one level and some split levels, I saw the cat water dishes. And they began to move on their own, both going a certain direction. There were two dishes and both began sliding across the floor as it they had a purpose, then they stopped. I think we moved them back to their original sports (my mom was in the room too), and then after a while (during the afternoon) they moved again. It was getting a little weird.

Then I was in another room, I don't know if it was a different room of that house, or a hotel room or something, but it was a fairly fancy room with fluffy comforter and pillows on the bed and some sort of gaudy tropical decor. And there were more cat watering dishes there. So those dishes began moving. There were cats in the dream too, and they just looked kind of questioningly at the dishes, but apparently didn't think too much of it. At least the cats weren't flying. Then I began thinking in my dream about the switched gravity report my dad had read. I heard something come on the radio about it. Then I began to feel weightless, and started to drift off the bed. I moved around a bit in the air, and floated in one direction, then another, then was plopped back down on the bed from a couple of feet up from it. It was quite exhilarating to finally "fly" in a dream. I then went on to a different dream...

The next dream had me in a camper trailer trying to look at something on a device, and being in the back behind the driver seats, and somehow there were flaps of fabric or the headliner had come down an I had to keep raising it up and looking past it to try and see out the front window. Then I realized there was no driver and I was going down a mountainside in Tennessee. I made my way under the fabric and into the passenger seat and tried to reach the brakes and steering wheel, but I ended up barreling right towards a small pond. I was able to grab a very expensive camera that was in the RV and jump out the window as it went into the water. I grabbed on to something and then was scolded for losing the RV. Then I felt bad. But I got over it soon as I moved on to another dream.

In this one I was with my parents at this large outdoor festival thing. Which is weird because they wouldn't have gone to something like that. But it was something for a weird group I didn't know much about or anything, and didn't really like that much. So I'm not sure why we were there. And then we made our way inside a tent that had refrigerators in it and I was looking for something to drink, because my throat was really dry. So I kept looking and only finding one thing which wasn't something I wanted, so I'm not sure what was going on there.

Then I woke up.

Persimmon Fudge

2010-10-09T14:09:00.000-07:00

Mom made Persimmon Fudge yesterday. Here are some pics.

What it looked like before it had cooked all the way

This is getting close to being done

Done and mixing the butter in

Finishing stirring

Finished. It tastes great! Don't need much though! It's sweet!!!

Because I want to post my art

2010-09-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

I was watching T.V. the other night and saw the Walgreen's commercial for this year's flu shot campaign. It shows a woman getting a flu shot and going to the office where the people are Neanderthals and do the grossest things possible that share germs with one another (which is sad that that is probably all true to life in most places... ? people are gross), and the woman was all happy that she had gotten her flu shot.

And because I had already thought of doing a drawing with a hazmat suit in it, I decided to make this drawing. Because if you don't get a flu shot, you should probably be wearing one. Or maybe you are wearing one so you don't have to get a flu shot. But I thought it was funny, so I drew it. There you go. A peek into my train of thought. I hope you enjoy the drawing.

I hope people have liked the art I've been posting. Let me know what you think. Do you like it? Is it funny? Maybe you shouldn't answer those questions.... lol. I hope that what makes me laugh will also make you laugh.

I usually think of these random things that make me laugh or something, like
Zombies Glitter Too - My response to Twilight
Mouse Working Out on Mousetrap - Isn't it ironic? Dont'cha think?
Walking the Wok - Because things mis-said lead to funny pictures in my head
IRL Play-Doh! - My non-drawing, a.k.a. photo, imitation of a drawing by a really talented artist
And now this response to thinking about the Walgreen's flu shot commercial.

Yeah, it's only like 5 things so far. But I'm hoping to keep this up. I just need more random ideas to pop into my head o.O

Giddy

2010-08-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

Why? You might ask.

Because I received a great honor. Artist Sam Spratt, who has been doing illustrations for Gizmodo this week, complimented my in real life (IRL) adaptation of one of his works.

I had been browsing Gixmodo on Thursday, as I usually do, to read the latest tech news there. They are currently running a series about inventions. One of those was about the accidental inventions that people have made.

The original artwork is at the top of the page.

I was rummaging through some of my things yesterday, looking for a pen that I have placed somewhere, which still remains a mystery to me, and I found a little 1oz tub of Play-Doh. I opened it up, and it was orange. Perfect! I recalled the illustration on the Gizmodo article, and grabbed my camera and a sheet of drawing paper for the background, posed my little orange blob of Play-Doh and took the pictures, trying to get them as close to the illustration as possible. I was using a LED headlamp and my camera flash for the lighting. It was not optimal, but it worked out OK.

After uploading the pictures to my computer and using Photoshop Elements to edit them, roughly, into a quadtych (hm? four pics in one?) like the original, I came out with this:

I then posted the link on Sam's Facebook page. He both "liked" my post, and complimented me, saying that the picture is "brilliant" and he would like to link it in the next batch of his work on Gizmodo!

Needless to say, I hope you can understand why I am giddy!! :) That is such a huge compliment to my work because this was more one of those, "Hey, that's super cute. I wonder if I can make the illustration come to life IRL," quickie idea.

This has definitely made my day! :)

Original article
http://gizmodo.com/5620910/whoops-the-10-greatest-accidental-inventions-of-all-time
Info page
http://gizmodo.com/5620127/meet-our-contributing-illustrator-sam-spratt

Bees. I don't like bees.

2010-08-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm gonna write this before I forget it.

I was sleeping this morning, and had a strange dream right before I woke up. I was in this place, it was like a college campus, and looked similar to Bethel but had aspects of it that were different and abstracted and stuff. I was on the computer tech team as I was at Bethel, and was going to work on an office computer in the "admin" building (though it wasn't the bethel admin building it was similar in style sort of and really not) but we were in the office of someone on maintenance or something. The guy whose computer we were working on was living in the office so it was more like a house that someone lived in. And we were in the front room of the building which was the main office and were at a computer talking and stuff. I was with another girl and a guy who was older and was our supervisor. We were all working on the computer and throwing around ideas and just generally talking. The supervisor guy left or something, I don't remember. But then we were all gone and apparently we left something so I went back to get it, and went into the kitchen of the building to look for it. And the guy who lived there came in and was like "what are you doing? you shouldn't be in here, etc" So I was trying to explain and then decided to book it out of the house, and the guy had a teenage son, and I ran past him and out the front door, and the porch, which had like those round slender posts on the corners, and the porch itself wasn't very tall, maybe a foot or so tall. And on the post to the left of me, where I was heading, was a bunch of these bees that looked like mutated large yellow jackets. They were kind of a mix in look between a cornbee/hoverfly and a yellow jacket and then cartooned/mutated into something larget. And they were swarming around on the post and one flew at me and I started to run and then I woke up, and was sort of like I woke startled, and I turned to lay on my back but I felt like I couldn't breathe so I just got up.

And then I went to go put some books back in the storage shed, in real life, just a few minutes ago. And I saw one wasp flying around the building up to the top. Then I looked to my left where it had come from. And there on the side wall close to the front side of the building was a wasp nest where wasps were coming out. I had to spray it down with WD-40. Had wasps flying around trying to get away from it. One came at me and I ran back, and shook my head to keep it away from my face. Ended up flinging my glasses to the ground but they don't stay on my face well anyway (which I absolutely *hate* about these glasses. not sure why i picked them two years [or more?] ago in the first place.) And then it occurred to me a little bit ago, oh yeah I had a dream about a swarm of bees this morning. Great. Any now I'm like super shaky. I hate dealing with bees. Or bugs in general. I dislike dealing with bugs in general. They're ok as long as I don't have to do anything with them. If they are dangerous, I seriously hate dealing with them.

I can't think of a creative title

2010-07-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

No, Blogger, I do not want to see your preview of the new preview. I want to type. I think. It's late and I'm probably not thinking. At least it's late to my head.

Was trying to look up some stuff in reference to things talked about at the women's Bible study I went to at the church I've been going to since last week. Just went to the Bible study tonight. It was good. It's nice to have people to *study* the Word with. Reminds me of the Bible studies we had in college. Or some of the discussions at college in the classrooms. Anyway, I wanted to look some things up regarding some local happenings. So I was researching some stuff and putting it together in a Word document. That felt like homework.

Nothing much else to say right now. I'm going to bed here in a bit.

I was going to try to solder some infrared LEDs into an array to use with my camera. I got the LEDs back in college sometime and had been holding on to them. I got some of the things to make the array but then forgot about it and finally got a battery hook up and battery the other day. I was testing it out and burned out one of my 10 LED's, so I only have 9 (yeah, do you like my math skillz? lol I have no idea why I had to write that all out.) Anyway, I am not sure if I can run the 9 properly since I can't run them in parallel now. I think they are only supposed to be run parallel. Correct me if I'm wrong. [I'm talking to you-whoever-you-are visitor from Carnegie Mellon University :how did someone from there even find my blog:? serious question. thank you Google Analytics for making me paranoid.] Anyway, I will hopefully get this stuff together and take some pics in total darkness. It will hopefully be pretty cool.

Anyway... I'm still looking for a job. Local papers/websites not bringing up anything. Would almost like to start doing my little 3x5 art pieces on commission. I haven't had any funny/cute ideas lately to draw. I think I posted what I've done on Facebook. My first one was the glittering zombies (a poke at the Twilight vampires that sparkle), then I drew a mouse working out using the mousetrap bar as a bench press, and a giraffe for my sister. I need to find my jump drive and go print those out or something. The giraffe for sure so I can send it to my sis. I don't know how they'll look printed. I can't tell what the dimensions are on them from how Photoshop tells info. Photoshop is fun. Frustrating. But fun. I just wish I had a Bamboo tablet or something to draw on with a pen. That will come in time. Drawing with a mouse is a pain in the carpal bones. Drawing a mouse with a mouse is a pain in the carpal bones. hehe. Well, the phalanges too. *Dancing phalanges!* At least the fingers on my right hand don't feel much like dancing after spending hours on Photoshop.

OK, I'm getting really random and incoherent now, and if you've made it to this part of the post and you actually *understood* anything I said, I commend you. Because I barely made it through that post.

Goodnight world.

zombie

2010-07-01T17:48:00.001-07:00

Random idea popped into my head last night while watching YouTube celeb Charles Trippy on his vlog. He was at a costume shop getting make-up for a video he was going to do. Well, one of the people at the shop showed him some glitter they had. Well, "glitter" in my mind = Twilight vampire, because the vampires in the books/movies sparkle in the sunlight. Why? That's beyond my reasoning. But then I got to thinking... why hasn't anyone written anything about *zombies* that sparkle? So, I pulled out a 3x5" card and started drawing. The picture below is what I came up with.

So then I uploaded the picture and opened up Photoshop. From there I did the coloring, and then traced all the lines and made the image below, which has no part of the original picture/drawing in it. But there below is the finished product. A glittery zombie.

Sure About It (Hanson)

2010-04-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

Whoa
I'm definitely sure,
That I'm not sure.
Whoa

Sittin' on the corner of Nowhere Road.
Just between "I wish I could" and "I don't know".
Rain is splashing up between her toes
She doesn't know her own area code
She's the picture of a heart of gold.
On the edge of depression unknown.
And the picture of the wrong I wrote.
Now it's too late for a fight or fold.
Now she's lookin' at me to know.
My faucets runnin
And my car got towed.

I'm sure about it.
I'm definitely sure
That I do surely doubt it
I wish that I could say
That I was sure about it.
I'm definitely sure, that I'm not sure.
Whoa.

Did you see the man with the cocaine load?
It's on sale for the price of your soul
And the man with a long trench coat
Wish I could hide in a big black hole.
Sell you all your pain ten fold.
And you're crawling down a long, wrong road.
Fitted for the box they mold
All you're missing is a heart they stole.
They're lookin' at me to know.
My heart is pumpin' and my feet got cold.

I'm sure about it.
I'm definitely sure,
That I do surely doubt it
I wish that I could say
That I was sure about it.
But I'm definitely sure,
That I'm not sure.
Yeah.
I'm definitely sure,
That I'm not
Yeah
Sure.
I'm sure that I'm not
Two, Three, Four

Cause I'm sure about it
I'm definitely sure that
I do surely doubt it
I wish that I could say that I was sure about it
But I'm definitely sure that I'm not sure
I wish that I could say that I was sure
But I'm definitely sure that I'm not sure

Workin' at a Bar

2010-03-21T11:38:00.001-07:00

My brother Guy has just opened up a bar & grill called Two Whelan's Bar & Grill, with his wife Dot. My parents and I came up for the grand opening on Wednesday, St. Patty's Day (because we love our Irish roots and what better day for the grand opening of a bar!) Anyway, Guy is going back to work at his job in Evansville on Monday. So Dad asked them if they would want me to come help them at the bar, since I haven't been able to find something admin/clerical or anything. They were pretty excited. Especially Dot! Because otherwise she would be here by herself through the week. And that would pretty much stink. It has been pretty busy even though they've not advertised at all, only by word of mouth.

So I drove up yesterday morning and started working on the grill/fryer and whatever else. It's a lot to learn, and the timing with all the burgers and fried items is difficult to get correct right now (it's a learn as you go process for all of us). Guy did say that I was catching on pretty quickly with the grill. I even mixed a couple of drinks for a few people. Tried my hand at pouring beer from the tap, too. I'll probably be getting my liquor license sometime soon too.

It's definitely going to be a hard job. With being on my feet all day and going back and forth from one end of the building to the other, frying/grilling, keeping up with all the orders and everything.

I think it will be rewarding though. I will be able to spend time with Guy and Dot. They are graciously allowing me to stay in their apartment with them. I am so thankful for this. That also means I'll be able to help them out with the remodeling of the apartment once we all get in the flow of things. They have been overwhelmed with all that it takes to run the bar so there hasn't been a lot of time for working on the apartment. I think one other rewarding thing will be just meeting people and ministering to them, even if it's only being a kind person to them. Dot was telling us the other day that part of their mission with the bar is to minister to people. It's a good place for it!

I went to Wal-Mart in Owensboro, KY today. I didn't have much trouble finding it. I did miss my turn off at one point and tried to turn around, but ended up on a Parkway. Kind of like an Interstate. A long road, posted at 70 MPH, with very few exits. The next one was 25 miles away. No way was I going to do that. So I found a spot before one of the little bridges over a creek, and I waited for one where there was no one behind me, and no one coming, and I pulled a U-ey. It wasn't at one of the spots with the sign telling people it was not allowed. So.... yeah. Anyway, I got back on the road and hit the right exits that time and got to Wal-Mart. I found an area rug for cheaper than the ones they listed on their website, a 5'x7' for only $20. Also found a floor lamp for under $10. Both the lamp and the area rug are black. Just simple black. I didn't want a green or blue rug, and I think the lamps only came in black. I also got Glade Plug-In air freshener, and a couple of those Renuzit Odor Eliminator gel things, because the building is over 100 years old and smells like it. I like the scent of the Odor Eliminator things. I don't know what the scent is, but it's the one that says "odor eliminator" or something like that. Anyway, it's a spicy sort of scent that I remember from when I was a kid. So apparently those have been around a while. But I like them a lot. Strange, I know.

Anyway, I am probably going to find something else to do. Probably relax or something. Guy and Dot went to their other place to do laundry for the bar. Oh, the rug, it went partly under the air mattress and partly out, so the mattress doesn't squeak on the cardboard under it (since the floor is currently just pressboard), and so I can have a little something to land on in the morning to get up, instead of trying to get up without touching the pressboard, just coz it looks kinda blah and I don't want to touch it...

I should take a broom to the cobwebs up on the ceiling that are dangling precariously over my bed. Ugh! Not that my room at home was any better. I don't think they hung down as much at home. Unless you look at the ceiling from the low part to the high part. From my side it doesn't look bad at home. lol. All about perspective.

OK, I'm gonna find something to do that doesn't stress my back out. I used the thing Guy and Dot have to stretch your back out last night. It like turns you upside down and lets your body weight stretch your back out and readjust yourself as you relax while hanging upside down. I had such vertigo on it even when I wasn't going anywhere!! We couldn't get my height right for me to be able to raise my arms and let it go back like it's supposed to. So Guy had to tilt it over. I was kind of freaking out, since going backwards and upside down are two things I generally avoid doing. It did help though. Now I just need someone to punch me in the back on my left shoulder blade. That muscle back there has been hurting like crazy, I think from how I was laying last night. But I'm generally stiff. I did get some more ibuprofen since I left the bottle at home in the cabinet, like a dummy. Oh well. May not have to buy another bottle for a while if I can get that one after this one's gone. Could take a while. Maybe not though!!

Just Press Play ► Repeat.

2010-03-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

This is how my life feels right now....

U2 - Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
'Cause tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

You are such a fool
To worry like you do.. Oh
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh lord look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant gt out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

Bawls Guarana on NBC's new show Parenthood

2010-03-12T10:41:00.000-08:00

Lauren Graham with a bottle of BAWLS Guarana.

Done

2010-02-20T14:07:00.001-08:00

My trial run at Computers Plus has ended. And so has my prospect for work there. Apparently I was too slow for them, did not know enough of the terminology of things (though I do know what things are and the difference between them I do lack the jargon for many things), and being blunt when asking for the tape. I'm not sure why my asking bluntly for the tape, which the one tech liked to keep at his end of the bench "rubbed the manager the wrong way" but it did. But might I also mention it was at the end of the day when everyone else was being short with me all day, and I was annoyed with it. So they let me go because I bluntly asked for the tape. And yet that other tech that they have kept on for the last year and a half cusses up a storm, calls customers "M*F*Idiots", complains about the CEO of the company, and sounds like he's annoyed (which he is) at every customer he talks to.

Needless to say, I am bummed that I'm going to be back out looking for a job again. But that place was not the most healthy work environment around. It provided enough money for me to afford the gas for my car to get back and forth to E-ville to look for a job again. I'm still not sure what I'm to do about the loan companies on my back. That is so stressful it's not funny.

When I walked out of the store this morning after being told they decided that I was not experienced enough for them (which makes me wonder how in the world someone at entry level is supposed to get experience) I went out to my car, obviously crying, and got in and started my car. I always have K-LOVE playing on the radio, and when my radio came on the one song that keeps following me when things like this happen... (which seem to happen far too often, like getting the short end of the stick too many times [story of my life])..... "Blessed Be Your Name" by Tree 63 was on. I cried more. Anyway... I'm back to looking for a job. I really wish that something would work out and I could find a place where I can work. Seriously, what's my problem with this?

So i finally have a job....

2010-02-09T19:52:00.000-08:00

Currently I'm working at a computer shop in Evansville as a technician. I am in a trial period right now which means that I have a couple weeks before they decide whether or not they want to keep me. It seems they have a high turn over rate of technicians. I am just praying that I learn things fast enough that they will want to keep me around a while.

I was asked my first day if I was a cynic. I said I can be sometimes. I was told it wasn't a trick question, but that if I wasn't already a cynic I would be from working there.

Everyone there knows that I am a Christian. I was talking with one of my co-workers and I mentioned that I'd gone to school for youth ministry. My other co-workers were then told to lighten up on the cursing because I am a Christian. It bothers me some that they curse, but I'm used to it mostly. It comes with the territory in a secular world when working with computers. I just wish they would not take the Lord's name in vain, which tends to happen pretty regularly.

All in all I think they're a good bunch of people, even if mostly cynical from being in the business of trying to satisfy people and make them happy. It's really hard to satisfy people. Especially when dealing with their computers.

Anyway.... pray that things go well for me there. I'd like to keep working on computers for a while. Even if I don't really have much vision for the long term right now... computers are a good fall back. I'm still learning a lot. Even with what I know, I've known that I need to know more. That always gets me. I always need to know more...

Aside from that, I stayed home today because when I got up this morning the roads didn't look so good for traveling on half an hour into town. Being home, I was here to receive another call from Chase Bank. They are really getting on my nerves. I applied for forbearance. They told me today that it was denied because I have no way of paying off my loan. Ummm yeah, that is why I was applying for the forbearance. Well they expect students to have a job 6 months after graduating. Have they even seen the economy? People who have experience can't even get jobs right now. I ask if I get a job if they will take money out of my paycheck. The guy asks if I mean my boss will take money from my paycheck. Obviously not listening to what I was saying. He never did answer my question. I just don't understand why they want a person to have a job before they allow them time to get a job or anything. He told me that they can't let a person have that time of forbearance because they don't want to pay off their loan. I told him if I had had a job in the last 6 months I'd already be paying off my loan. He said some mumbo jumbo about Chase bank looking out for the financial security of its customers. I told him to keep on lying to himself coz that's what he's doing. I don't know about the people who work there at Chase but on the phone with their spiels they give they sound like complete morons. Repeating the same garbage over and over again and not even listening when I tell them I have not had the resources to pay them back. My mom said it right this evening: It's like selling your soul to the devil. JP Morgan Chase Bank is a minion of darkness. I think I would have an easier time getting an extension from the mob than I am trying to get one with Chase. It's so frustrating. I'm frustrated. Frustrated, angry, at a loss of what to do. If I report to them that I have any kind of income what are they going to do? Are they going to scalp my paycheck every time? I was asked by the guy today if I'd done my taxes yet, because that would "free up hundreds of dollars". I informed him that it would not free up hundreds of dollars since I barely made $1,500 last year as a whole. They don't care about a person. Not about their financial situations. Not about the mental stress they are putting on the person. Or about how the person is able to deal with the mental stress. It's driving me insane.

Anyway... I need to go to bed. Gonna get up a little earlier and try to be on the road early in case the melting snow from the salt on the road has turned to ice. The temps dropped and the winds picked up, so the salt is useless now. Pray for my morning commute. I didn't go in today because of road conditions. I hope they're not worse in the morning. That would stink horribly.

typical rambling while feeling frustrated and negative... blah.

2010-02-02T22:22:00.000-08:00

meh. I don't like all these negative posts but negative is the way I've been feeling. I'm sitting up hoping that when I go to sleep I'm not woke up by the phone ringing in the morning to find Chase bank calling and harassing me about my past due balance on my loan. What I'd like to say to Chase: "Yes, I know it's past due. No I don't have the money to pay you. No, I can't borrow it from someone else. What? You want me to go into more debt with someone else just to pay you? Oh, you just want me not in debt to you, you don't care who else I'm in debt to?...." I don't know. That's basically the conversation I've been having. I can't think of any way to be nice. Angry. Frustrated. Peeved.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of them. Talk about anxiety. I can't do anything about this situation right now. Even if I got a job two weeks ago it wouldn't help with any of this. They act like they're surprised when I tell them I haven't been able to pay them because I haven't gotten a job yet. Then the lady today goes and tells me to get a job at McDonald's or BK and I told her I tried, and the person who interviewed me at McD's saw that I'd worked with computers and decided I was overqualified to work there. They don't understand that if I'd had a job in the 6 months since their "grace period" started that I'd have been paying them. Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe I'm the stupid one. But I've been trying like crazy to get a job so I don't have to deal with all this crap and can have some peace.

Anyway, I went to a job interview today. I'm praying that I get it coz it's basically what I want to do right now, work on computers. It would be a great environment too. It sounded really positive. So please pray that it works out. I could really use something that works out for once...

2010-01-26T21:15:00.000-08:00

I read more blogs than I write. I don't really have many words right now. Still on the job hunt. Have been making the calls to put my loans into forbearance... whatever that means. It's funny how I kinda know a lot of stuff but have no clue what forbearance or deferment or anything related to these loans means. I also have no real desire to read very much on the terminology. I've called, I've got paperwork coming my way. It's kind of like riding a rollercoaster, for those who don't like them anyway, just hold on tight, tuck your head down, and wait for the ride to be over. Maybe if I got past the fear of being thrown off into oblivion it would be more fun or at least tolerable. Actually, I don't think loans or anything pertaining to them can be called pleasant or tolerable at all.

I've joined a book review site with the Thomas-Nelson publishing and am getting books to review. I get to choose a book, get it in the mail, read it, blog 200 words or more about it, and then pick another book. That's pretty exciting to me. Especially with not having a job right now, so that when I'm not scouring for places to apply at I can spend some time reading, which I have been very much avoiding? since college when I didn't have time to read for pleasure. I have Max Lucado's "Fearless" that I'm reading to review right now. The best part is I get to keep the books I pick out to review!

That is about the most exciting thing to happen lately. I had an interview last week, but have not heard anything since then. Not sure what to do about that. I feel fairly incompetent when it comes to the whole interview process stuff. I never feel very professional. I feel like I don't look professional, I'm not sure how to act professional. I have very limited resources which makes the mentality of the whole thing even more off kilter. It would be much easier if people didn't care what other people looked like, or if I didn't care so much what other people thought.

Anyway, it snowed here last night. That created black ice, which I can understand making driving somewhat hazardous. But by morning the schools and businesses were still delayed by at least one or two hours or had closed for the day. Coming back here from the South Bend area, it makes me question the sanity of those here. People don't know how to slow down or anything. But the half inch to 1 inch of snow we had was hardly enough to cover anything. Thus making it seem more like I am in a strange part of the country. I like snow. I don't enjoy having to drive in it, but it's possible to do so in more than one inch of snow. At Bethel one inch of snow was hardly something to blink at it seemed. And having snow all winter was quite enjoyable. Not the brownish greenish yucky blahness we have here. There's a magic to snow that winter here just doesn't have. I really am going to have to move to Sweden. Or maybe just north of here. I enjoy snow in winter too much.

Enough of my ramblings. It's getting late and I'm actually quite surprised I am still coherent enough to write.

*EDIT* For those that have asked, my blogging about the books will be right here on this blog, and also posted on a consumer review site of some sort. I will most likely use Amazon.com to post my reviews.

GAH!

2010-01-08T13:02:00.001-08:00

Verizon is after my Dad for my phone bill since I haven't been able to pay anything on it since the middle of the summer.

Student loans are past due. Two of them are planning on each taking $104 out of my bank account on the 10th, which I don't have but about $25 in both checking and savings together.

I still have not found a job. I keep looking. But I either don't know where to look or just simply fail at looking for work. I don't know where to go to look for a job, or where to find people who are hiring. It seems that after the last failed application/interview that everything dried up where I had been applying through the local newspaper's spot on Yahoo's Hot Jobs site. It seems every time I've gone to Evansville to look for places the jobs are already taken or I can't even locate the building, even after looking on Google Maps before I leave home, and taking directions with me.

Also on the student loan things, the two of them that I talked to on the phone said I couldn't defer my loans for reason of unemployment but would have to get them put in forbearance. What the hey. I thought from the descriptions of the unemployment deferment I didn't have to still be enrolled anywhere to get it.

I don't know.

I feel like everything is crashing in on me right now financially. I don't have a job. Can't seem to find a job. The economy is horrible. Student loans are backing up. Verizon is making my Dad mad at me coz he thought I took care of them a while back. I don't know what to say to them or anything. They don't care that I don't have a job and can't find one.

I'd like to tell the banks where I got my loans from to have their CEO's pay off my debt... seeing as they are part of the major cause of the current economic crisis in the first place.

And how do people even find job listing? I don't subscribe to a newspaper. The Yahoo Hot Jobs that lists the postings from the Courier Press paper is about the only thing I know of to check for local listings of jobs. Where else do people look? Seriously, I don't know where else to look to hunt down a job. No one is interested in someone looking for clerical work who can't type 40WPM. Which I can't do. Not when I'm trying to look at something and read it and type at the same time. It's about like interpreting ASL for me... I can't get the hearing part to go into sign and the sign part to go into voice properly. Same thing. My brain just is not capable of that kind of multi-tasking. If I'm working on a computer to fix it I'm usually ok. Or at least used to be. I tend to not even do well with fixing computers as much these days since I haven't done it in a few months... Blah.

If I could just get a job testing video games I'd be set. Not that I can pwn noobs like others can. I don't program. I'm not an engineer. So I doubt that will ever happen....

A receptionist job, or secretary or something along those lines would be great.... meh.

2009-11-13T09:57:00.001-08:00

I was prompted to write a new update. I haven't really had much to write about lately. Still on the job search. Sending out the resume. Trying to get my resume snail mail send-able. Still finding odd problems with it to work out. Feeling quite incapable of talking about myself in a way that will "sell" myself to a company.

I did sign up for a temp agency earlier this week and got a phone call this morning telling me I had an interview with them for a job at 10:30 Monday morning. So I'm going to just go to Wal-Mart at get some cheaper business apparel there since my Goodwill hunting the other day returned nothing. Are flats office appropriate? Like the ballet flats or something of that sort? Are TOMS office appropriate? I have nothing, or any idea of anything, to go with dark brown suede shoes though.

So... these are my current musings... Not sure of anything else to write about. Hoping that the interview on Monday tuns out to be a long term thing, as long as it has nothing to do with standing all day waving a super hot hot glue gun around and getting motion sick while walking in circles repeatedly to stick wires down or anything remotely related to that!

sleep deprived sort of

2009-10-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

I went to work last night. I was checking the tape on a lever handle on a part. I was also checking to see if the metal tabs were properly bent instead of overly bent. I did 19 boxes of 16 parts each. My back and feet were hurting like crazy. I need some different work boots. Mine are too skinny at the toes. I just put up with it before, but anymore I think I need to get some different boots. I can't stand comfortably for 8+ hours a day in mine and not be in pain. Also, my fingers hurt from peeling the tape off of three boxes worth of things before I got a box cutter from a team leader to get the tape off easier. That I think sped things up a little. I had only gotten three boxes done before the first break, but averaged 5 boxes during each two hours after that. I only really went sort of slow because I was in so much pain from my shoes. I really haven't had to stand up all day since... well, a long time ago. Probably when I worked at McD's in 03 was I having to stand all day for work. Being at a desk for work and as a student these last 5 years have gotten me soft on standing a lot. Definitely need to get some shoes with a wider toe area. This is why I wear skate shoes. I like for my toes to have some room.

So... tonight I went in and found out they didn't have any work for us. I know that at least 5 of us were sent home. Probably more. Not sure. But it's basically based on how many parts they have to be inspected whether or not we work. And the day shift had apparently finished what we had, and they'd not received their next shipment yet. So, I get to sleep tonight.

Yesterday my body was a bit of a mess. I had gotten up at 8am and called in to the temp place at 9:30am. I then had to go up there at 1:30pm. So I was in town up there all day, from 1:30pm and I went to walmart, killed some time, got some dinner, went back to walmart to get something to take in for lunch and then left to go to work. By then I had already been up long enough, to have worked a day almost, and being in my car made me tired. So... I was struggling to stay awake and coherent for most of the night. I was actually thinking about how good bed would feel when I got home after work. I got off work at 3am and got home at 4am. I was in bed shortly after. I had felt sort of sick all night at work just coz of the lack of sleep and the pain my shoes were causing me. Amazing how much your whole body hurts when your feet and back hurt. Anyway... I got to bed around 4am, with a Missy laying on the foot of my bed. She got off not too long after I'd laid down coz my feet were cramping and I was trying to stretch them, as she was laying between my feet. At least she left room for me when she got on there before I did.

Anyway... going to go see if my bed is already occupied now... I need some sleep. I have to call tomorrow to see if I'll be needed at work. I got a paycheck today, apparently from the hour I was at the office for my filling out paperwork and stuff last week... My net pay was $9.05. They took out $8 for their drug test, which I passed in case any of you were wondering ;) and the state and county took out a few cents each. And I ended up with a check of $0.02. I had to laugh, it was just too funny. I know I'll be actually getting paid for the hours I worked last night, and whatever hours I work after this. But that was just funny to me.

OK... seriously going to bed now. Not sure when I'll get up. Hoping my nose doesn't bother me in the morning like it usually does. Goodnight world.

I have a job

2009-10-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

OK, I know I haven't written in a while. I haven't felt like writing much since there hasn't really been that much going on. Anyway... last week I signed up at this place that hires people out to local factories, like the Toyota related factories mostly. It's basically a temp agency for factories. I called them today and found out that I can start tonight at a place that makes seats and doors for one of the locally produced models. So... I'm going in to second shift tonight! I don't know what to expect. I hope I can stay awake! I'm gonna go grab a BAWLS from the Casey's up the street if I have time maybe. I don't know what I'm going to be doing. I'll be going in to the temp office at 1:30 this afternoon. So hopefully I'll get some idea of what I'll be doing then. I've never worked on a factory line before. Never thought I'd ever be working on a factory line. But it's a job, and I need it. So, this means I will finally be getting a paycheck!!! Praise God!!

I don't know how they do training or anything. I'm not sure how much I'll be trained. I hope they train me! lol I think I can take one thing and put it on something else easily enough, but I hope that I get some instruction before I do it!!! I think I'm just afraid of screwing up.

I'm currently waiting on my jeans to wash and dry, which will be soon enough before I have to be over there. I'm nervous now!! Pray that it all goes well and I am awake enough to do my job tonight!!! I've never worked second shift before, but I am a night owl.

Where To Begin

2009-09-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

I've not written for a while. Words seem scarce lately.

I've recently been getting back into wearing my Vibram Five Fingers (VFFs) - Yes, my goofy looking toe shoes.

I'm still on the hunt for a job. Put in some applications the other day. Looking for more places to apply to. Working on polishing my resume and creating cover letters. Am annoyed at having to try and write different cover letters for different businesses.

I'm trying to decipher what exactly business casual means/how I can build a business casual look on a budget/what kind of business casual clothes will actually fit me - both physically and style wise.

I'm tired of not being able to find clothes that fit me. I wish there were less traveled roads and an available Beach Cruiser bike I could use. Oh, and a helmet. I don't want to ride out here without a helmet.

I'm thankful for friends who are such a blessing even when I am undeserving.

I'm tired of looking for where to begin. Why is starting something the hardest part?

I'm currently waiting on laundry to get done, so I can get my jeans out, shower, and go get my tire fixed on my car. My rear driver's side tire has gone flat randomly ever since it got put on last year right as I left for Spring Break.

I'm going to be wearing my VFFs out today so I can walk around in them somewhere other than inside the house. Also planning on wearing them to the Kunstfest this weekend - a fairly decent sized German festival in New Harmony. I need to look for my change jar so I can get my favorite foods there - soft pretzels and apple cider! This festival is the signal that Fall is here for me. I wonder if the Ozark Pioneers will be there or if they are even still making music. I should Google them!

randomness.... just trying to get tired enough to fall asleep!

2009-08-31T21:48:00.001-07:00

I've been sending my resume to different businesses I've found on Craigslist in the E-ville area today. Got one response this evening from one. They wanted me to pay for a background check on myself, and they would refund me at the "follow-up interview"... providing I ever got that far. So they want me to spend roughly $30 to give them info on me when they could reasonably look it up themselves? Umm... how about No. Gonna wait and see if anyone else responds to me. The Whirlpool factory here just decided they are shutting down and outsourcing to Mexico (why? they're all migrating up here to get jobs and we're sending our jobs down there? apparently that's cheaper for the company...) Anyway, the job finding places like Work One and others are pretty much getting swamped right now since whole families worked there. So, I'm just putting my resume out as many places as possible. I should probably send it to the Careeer Services at BC and see if they can give me any pointers on how to make it better.

This last weekend I went to church with my parents at their church. Yesterday the visiting pastor was telling us about his church, a Progressive Primitive Baptist Church. And they are "progressive" because? They have a piano. The whole musical instrument thing is a sore subject with PBCs. Why they don't allow instruments that God gave people the smarts to create and play to worship Him is beyond me. Denying people that just seems to me like it quenches the Spirit. But maybe that's just me. Can't tell anyone there otherwise anyway.

I guess that's why I ended up in a Assembly of God church while at college, which became my home church. Bring on the musical expression, dancing, even flag waving, speaking in tongues, raising hands in the air, and being loud in praising God!

Frankly if we can stand up and cheer and clap for a sports team or something, why not do it for God? It may sound silly, it may be silly, but shouldn't we shout our praise for our Savior? I'm not a loud person usually, but I think we should sometimes get loud in praising Jesus! lol What good are we if we just mumble our praise?! It's like mediocre. What's up with that?

Anyway... time to go to bed. I was going to post some random thoughts on songs... but I'm getting tired, after having written for a while and still not gotten anywhere, and my English skills are decreasing by the second, and I will not want to get up in the morning now, and I can hardly keep my eyes open... time to finish this run on sentence and get some sleep....

Completely irrelevant post about nothing

2009-08-28T18:13:00.001-07:00

I took a nap this afternoon and had a strange dream. I was driving an old car down a small road on a campus of some sort, not sure if it was a business campus or what it was. I took a turn kind of fast and a campus cop came after me. They were on a motorcycle and they yelled at me about turning instead of going straight down the street, and so I turned another corner, this time to the right. I was driving down a street/highway that was similar to the ones I saw in California - busy and confusing. I kept going until I got to this place that looked like a mine or a factory or something like that. I climbed up a hill of grass and vines and through a small door. Some people there were trying to figure out a key to something that was wires, but looked like spaghetti. Random. I was able to figure out how they were supposed to wind and lock the wires together so they wouldn't fall all over the place. They were wound on a special contraption that one person was trying to replicate by bending a coat hanger. I then looked over to a corner of the room/cave looking thing we were in, and there was a bike, but it wasn't a bike, it had two wheels like a bike, but then had slats, like from a swing set, that moved like a Nordic Track thing, where you would glide each one back and forth to get momentum to move. More randomness. Then I woke up.

I actually looked up the bike design, and couldn't find anything close to what I saw in my dream. Probably isn't even plausible, but it's what I saw. I should draw a picture of it or something...

I keep having really strange dreams... I should write more of them down, though they probably don't mean anything, they are somewhat entertaining, lol.

That's all I've got for now. As far as relevant stuff, I'm still looking for a job.... Not fun when you don't have money in the first place, and looking for a job takes money... go figure. I can't even find my one pair of khaki pants right now coz I left them here when I went to Cali last week. I don't know where any of my good tops are right now either... Meh.

Back home

2009-08-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

I am back in Indiana. Currently at my Uncle's house in Indy. Going to be going home this evening with my sister, who is in the area.

I was told by my boss at Camfel that because of my problems with my back and knees that they were sending me home. It wasn't because I was a bad worker or anything. He said that I was really determined and picked up quickly on things, but he did not want me to injure myself from all the physical activity. I knew when I went that it was going to be a very physical job. I just didn't know how physical. Right now I can hardly bend over, my knees hurt, and my hands/wrists are really stiff and sore.

I am really bummed that I am not going to be doing what I thought I was going to be doing for the next 10 months. I am not sure where I will get a job in Evansville. I think my sister Nancy is going to be helping me out with getting a job.

I am going to miss the people I got to know out there at Camfel.

So for now I am coming back home... hoping that something down here will finally work out and I won't be constantly disapointed in my ventures for a job.

I'm here!

2009-08-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

I made it to the Camfel camp for this week of training. We are on the campus of the Latin American Bible Institute in one of the dorms here. Apparently I am in for a hard week of training. I've already met some of the people and they are all really great. I'm just really tired at the moment and can't remember anyone's name and can't really think in a straight line right now. I'm completely exhausted. Mostly physically. Probably will be more so in the next few days also, so tonight I really need to get some sleep! A few of the girls told me that since being here last week they have lost weight from doing the things they've been doing... mostly time trials and stuff of the things we will be doing on tour. So I have a lot to learn and a lot to do! So.... I should be going to bed... sleep... need to take some ibuprofen so I can move in the morning. So, goodnight!

Thanks for all your prayers and support!! You have no idea how much it means to me!

Alright... need to go sleep before I fall over!!

Oh, and I warned my roommates I snore! lol

Review: Root Jack Orange Flavored Root Beer

2009-08-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

Can't get enough of Talk Like a Pirate Day? Do you wear a patch on one eye? Maybe you have a wooden leg, or a hook for a hand. If so, then this is the beverage for you!

Get ready to talk like a pirate and drink some pirate Root Beer - Root Jack is a orange flavored root beer with added vitamin c to ward off the scurvy that comes with months at sea, or those non-stop gaming sessions! It also has guarana to keep you awake for your high seas, or LAN adventures!!

I picked up this tasty energy drink at the 7 Eleven over on Main and Mishawaka in Mishawaka, IN. I was not sure how much orange flavor to expect. I was pleasantly surprised at the smoothness of the root beer and orange flavors combined. It is a little shocking to ones taste buds to have orange flavor combined with root beer, but it is a good combination. I'm sure the flavor will end up growing on me. I can just imagine this poured over some good vanilla ice cream to make a float. Sort of like a root beer orange creme float. The drink also has guarana and vitamin c added to it. The guarana provides a good energy kick that will help keep you going, whether playing video games or swinging from one ship to another being a pirate! The vitamin c is added to help "fight scurvy". This is an easier sell than the other soft drinks that say they are vitamin fortified, but you end up wondering why they added them. As a pirate out on the high seas for months on end, or a malnourished gamer who doesn't eat right, this is a very valuable aspect of the drink!

As a fan of root beer, especially ones with guarana in them, I really enjoyed this beverage. It has a taste that takes a little getting used to since orange does not usually come with root beer, but as I said before, it is a good combination. I can see myself buying more in the future, as soon as some "merchant ports" are available elsewhere across the U.S. It is currently only available at select locations in the Northern Indiana, the Chicago area, and just outside of Detroit, MI. Check out their site for specific locations. The locations keep growing, so be on the lookout for new ones in your area! If you own a convenience store, cyber cafe, etc. you might want to see about carrying Root Jack. It's a great beverage that seems to aim towards gamers and pirates! My only complaint or thing I noticed is that I would like to see the logo of the orange head skull and swords, possibly sans words if necessary, on the lid. Currently it has no logo on the lid of any kind.

http://www.rootjack.com/

This is it... the last few days...

2009-08-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

Meh.

Stressed about this upcoming week.

Packing.

Traveling.

Driving for hours and praying that nothing decided to break on my car while I'm traveling since I can't afford for ANYTHING to happen to it right now.

Hoping I find someplace to stay each night while I'm up north. I know I have one place for one night with a friend. But not sure about the other two nights - Wednesday and possibly Friday night...

Also hoping that I can get away with wearing khakis to a wedding... is that an OK thing to do or not? I don't have any skirts or anything that fit... meh. I hate being fat...

I hope that my stuff I want to bring will all fit in my suitcase. It's hard packing for approx. 10 months on the road when you don't have any idea what you'll need in what climate or situation.

Speaking of situations, I want to get some Mechanix (or however you spell that brand) gloves and some flares once I get out there, if we don't have any with our van... at least some of the gloves... just for routine maintenance stuff like checking oil and other engine things, or if it breaks down or something... Yes, I'm a prissy girl who doesn't like to get junk under her fingernails, and can't stand her hands to have grease/dirt on them... Yeah, maybe college spoiled me a little bit, but I don't like it... I don't think I ever really could stand having dirt and grime on my hands...

I tried to get most of what I'm packing in my suitcase this last week.... and I have a few things I want to take that I don't think are going to fit... It's gonna be a tight fit with my pillow and sleepingbag in there. I decided to put those in there. I do need to unpack it and repack it though to make everything fit. And I need to get my backpack packed up.

I might try to look for a new cell phone so I can have one with a full battery that will last longer than two minutes at a time. Although the battery might be the only problem with my current phone. I need to get it or the phone replaced...

Not a lot else to say right now... I don't think. Not that I can think to write here at the moment anyway...

About one week out

2009-08-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

Next Wednesday I'm planning on heading up to South Bend to visit with friends before heading to Jana's wedding on the 15th, and coming back home to fly out of E-ville on the 16th! It will be a long weekend, but worth it! I am just looking for someone to stay with for one or two nights during my travels! I probably should have been planning this a few weeks ago! I know I will have a place to stay for one night, but the other two are up in the air... and I'm not even sure which night I will be staying at the one friend's house. I'm sort of flying by the seat of my pants on this whole thing!

Anyway, I am going to do a packing trial run this week and see what I can get in my suitcase and how it will all fit. This should be interesting. I might do one of those "what's in your bag" pics like the ones that are pretty popular on Flickr. I also need to do a trial packing of my backpack and see if all my stuff I want in there will fit...

OK, I am almost tired beyond the ability to type or think straight, so I am going to bed.

Time Keeps On Ticking Ticking Ticking...

2009-07-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

Two more full weeks and part of a week until I will be reaching the beginning of this upcoming adventure. I looked at my little calendar on my computer and rechecked it to make sure it was correct.

I am still trying to figure out when I should leave to go north... if I want to try and visit friends in South Bend or what, prior to going to Jana's wedding. I need to look over the invite for the time and location again, so I can print out a map before I leave out for it. If I had printed a map any sooner it would have gotten lost amongst all my insanity in my room!

My only problem with leaving any earlier than Friday is that my Dad's birthday is on Thursday. And I want to be here for it, but I would also like to be able to see friends in South Bend, if at all possible... I would love to be able to get up there on the Wednesday night so I can go to SouthGate to the youth group and to see others there.

I have two weeks to finalize my plans... and get my stuff packed... and remember to print vital info out - like a map to Jana's wedding, and my flight info so I can pick up my tickets (they give you a sort of "password" I guess you'd call it). Also, in the middle of trying to get everything else in line I will be moving most of my stuff that's in boxes and whatnot into a storage barn that my Dad got for me to put my stuff in so they could "have use of the house". Oi vey.

So...... yeah... Sorry for anyone who actually sat and read this whole post... It's mostly my pointless trying-to-figure-things-out post... Well... maybe not so pointless, but fairly useless information... I guess.

OK... I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead, sort of, and not babble on anymore. I don't even feel like this post is making any sense, and all I'm talking about is how indecisive I am being at where to travel when... except for that weekend, which is pretty much set in stone. The week is pretty flexible yet...

Three (3) More Weeks

2009-07-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

Yep, three more weeks is about all I have to go until the grand adventure begins. I must admit I'm kind of nervous. I will be driving up for Jana's wedding, but might also be going earlier in the week so I can go to South Bend, and maybe see some people there, and close my bank account there. Probably should have done that when I left after graduation... or prior to graduation! Oh well.

Not sure what else to say... I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for my travels up north and back. I'm still trying to raise support for the month that I'm going to be traveling without a paycheck until the end of the month. I'm still working on what I'm going to pack. I've never been on any trip longer than 1 week, or 3 weeks or so coming home from college for breaks... and I have no idea what I'm going to need for 10 months... from what I have right now that I know I should pack it should all fit without any problems in my suitcase and backpack.... I hope...

I'm babbling... it's late... I should go to bed so I don't sleep in any longer than usual... It's been nice to be able to sleep in... but I kinda want a routine again...

Trying to find things...

2009-07-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

So, I was looking for my charger for my old cell phone so I could take the pics off the memory card, since it was damaged by a jank camera that I had one time - You see, I had the bright idea of using the camera to get the pics off my memory card... and it practically ate my card... not in a literal sense, but in a very digital sense. I could not reclaim the pictures on it that were there prior to the tragic experience by my memory card. The only thing able to read the pictures on the card? My old cell phone. It is only a 512MB card, so fairly puny considering I have a 2GB in my phone now. But I decided to try and get the rest of my pics off of the phone/memory card by moving them from the card to the phone's memory. Then putting my new card in the phone and moving the pics from the phone to the card. Then I can use my current camera to get the pics onto my computer, since my computer's card reader doesn't want to work for whatever weird Dell-ified reason... (it simply makes the hardware attatched/hardware removed noise, and does nothing, when I insert a card... I've tried downloading a different driver, and still nothing, so I gave up and am just using my camera/USB cable to get my pics off my camera...)

All of that to say that I think my charger is in my box of old desk stuff that is currently burried beneath and behind a bunch of other boxes in the big room... And guess what is in those boxes... brown recluse spiders... I also think my passport is in that box of desk stuff, though I could have sworn I had my passport in my stacker drawers... Guess not since I looked today and didn't find it... not good. So... I think I'm going to go to the store, buy one of those cheap painter coveralls, some rubber gloves, safety goggles, and maybe a respirator, and a roll of masking tape to seal all the edges... and go hunting for my stuff... And maybe a can of Raid to carry with me...

I wish there was something simple and natural that brown recluse either didn't like or were immediately vaporised upon touching...

Can we say arachnaphobia?? Ummm, yeah....

Flight Information!!

2009-07-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

Hey, I was able to purchase my plane ticket today with what money I have received! To those who have helped to support me financially, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

My flight info is as follows

Sun, Aug 16, 2009	Evansville, (EVV) to Los Angeles International Airport, (LAX)
Depart: 11:40 AM Arrive: 12:55 PM	Evansville, IN (EVV) to Chicago, IL (ORD)	American Airlines Flight 4324 operated by AMERICAN EAGLE (on Embraer RJ145 Amazon)
	Requested Seats: 6C 1 Stop - change planes Chicago, IL (ORD) Connection Time: 2 hrs 15mins
Depart: 03:10 PM Arrive: 05:28 PM	Chicago, IL (ORD) to Los Angeles, CA (LAX)	American Airlines Flight 455 (on Boeing 767-300)
	Requested Seats: 34A Total Travel Time: 7 hrs 48 mins

It looks like I will be flying on one of those Boeing 767-300's. That model was in the news yesterday for having weak points towards the tail of the plane. Not a good thing, but the airline I am flying with is also NOT SouthWest, which is the airline that has had the problems with that.

I will have a long layover in Chicago, but unless I wanted to leave at 6:30am I am going to have to take that! I would prefer a longer layover, within reason, and two hours is reasonable, to a short one, like the half hour layover I had in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport when I flew out to California before. That was intense... wait for the plane to park, then wait for people to get off in front of me so I could finally get out, then try and find a restroom, then try to find my gate, have to stop to ask directions and have to jump on a little shuttle tram thing that ran around the airport. I will probably be looking at maps of O'Hare and LAX before I get on the plane to leave.

I just picked up a set of cheap luggage tags at Walmart today. I am still trying to figure out what I want/need to take, and what I need to purchase either before I leave, or when I get out there. Anyone have suggestions??

Packing list!

2009-07-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

I am trying to think of and plan out what I am going to be packing with me to Camfel Productions. I'm trying to keep in mind the fact that I will be on the road the whole time, except for the first week I'm out there, which is for the training.

I will be packing my laptop and camera in my backpack, which I will use as carry on... Plus that is also my laptop bag, so it makes sense.

I need to find my other SD cards to take. They're not big capacity wise, but it might be good to have one or two others lying around just to use if I fill my main one up. I will be taking a LOT of pictures!

My luggage will consist of the rest of my stuff:
- T-shirts, long-sleeved t-shirts, jeans, khakis, dress shirts, etc.
- General bathroom stuff
- Shoes: I will more than likely wear my current pair of Vans, loosely tied, during all the flying stuff. I will pack my canvas Airwalks, my TOMS (although I will have to have band-aids ready since they hurt my pinky toes to walk too much in), my Avia sneakers, and my Vibram FF Sprint's. Definitely taking those... :P
- Domo Hoodie is coming, for those cold days. I will probably buy a jacket or something when I get to Cali or somewhere where it's actually cold.
- Notebooks/journal/reading material will also be coming, although not much.
- Domo will of course be coming!

I can't think of what else I should take or buy. I don't even know what I will need for living on the road for so long! It is suggested by Camfel that we bring a sleeping bag, easy to set up/tear down tent, rain gear and snow gear.

I'm also going to get some plastic ziplock type bags to put all my stuff in so it can be easily organized and not get stuff on it if something from my bathroom stuff leaks, like shampoo.

I only have about 1 month to go. Just a little less since I will be packing my stuff at least by the weekend prior to go to Jana's wedding and then come back and leave for Cali the next day! I hope to get to South Bend prior to that, though, and visit friends up there before I go out on this crazy adventure!!

I'm glad I like to drive. Coz I'm gonna be driving a LOT the next 10 months!!!!

I have a job!!! Now I just have to get there...

2009-07-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hey all! I just got a job with Camfel Productions out in California! They are a Christian not-for-profit that sends teams of techs out to show their life changing videos to students across the country. To find out more about what I will be doing you can go here and check out their FAQ page about the job. It is right up my alley - technology, ministering to teens, long drives and seeing the sights of America!

The only thing is I have to fly to get out there. I will be flying out on the 16th of August, right after returning from a friend's wedding in Ft. Wayne. They are wanting me to be there by the evening of that Sunday, the 16th. I will be missing one week of training, but they are OK with that. I will be just a little behind everyone else, but will hopefully adjust quickly and get to know my teammates well before heading out on the tour.

I am trying to find a decently priced and scheduled flight. If I drive back home from Ft. Wayne in the evening of the 15th I should be able to be here, get a couple hours sleep in and then get a flight in the morning so by the time I get through with the layovers and stuff, I'll be in California by evening. If I get a flight that's a few dollars more, like $20 more or so, I can be leaving EVV in the morning on the 16th and getting to LAX or ONT by mid-morning, which would be good.

Right now, in order to get there I need to raise support. I have been out of a job since May when I graduated, and have had no income since then. What I had has gone to my monthly car insurance and cell phone bills. Right now I don't even think I will be able to afford gas to go to church for the next month since it's about half an hour away.

So... I need your help. Since Camfel is a non-profit organization I have started a ChipIn to raise support so that I can get to my job. I will have to raise the funds for the flight out there, which is going to be between $204 and $230, depending on how soon I can get the funds to get a ticket, and then another $200 for general expenses during the first month of work since we do not get paid until the end of the month.

I believe that this ministry is where God wants me to be for the next 10 months. It is an opportunity for me to use all my skills in computers, in ministering to youth, and in my Christian walk. It will be a growing experience for sure. I will be challenged to be "Jesus with skin on" as one of my favorite profs says, to these kids, just by my actions as a Camfel tech. This job, for me, is a call to be the hands and feet of Jesus where my actions will speak louder than my words. Many of the schools I will be going to are public schools, so "preaching" is out of the question, but "being" is not.

Here is the link/widget for my fund raising efforts. If you can, please donate something, even if it's only $1. Every little bit, the sooner the better, helps!

A completely nonsensical post

2009-07-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

Here are some products that I used to get that are no longer produced... (I told you this was nonsensical...)

Great caffeinated citrus soda from Coke in the 90's. Used to get it all the time when we were on the road. Vault is a close cousin to it, but nothing like it.

dnL by 7up is the closest thing to Surge that I've tasted. dnL was a great soft drink, but apparently it had a small market also, as it was discontinued, too.

Josta - I only every had it once, but it had a somewhat spicy/fruity flavor or something, from what I remember. I would try it again if it was still around. Pepsi has sadly not produced anything like it since they discontinued it.

Suave AromaBenefits - Energizing Citrus Ginseng bodywash. This was my favorite body wash because of its robust orange scent and energizing ginseng that got me going at 5am when I had to be at work by 6am. I could have used this during college, but I think they took it off the shelves by the start of '04 because I couldn't find it after the fall of '03. It didn't take them long to get rid of it. I have not found another citrusy energizing bodywash that compares. Some have claimed it... but I would like to try Shower Shock - the caffeine infused soap bar from ThinkGeek - for a jumpstart on the day.

Crystal Pepsi - One of the random products I remember from my childhood. I don't really remember the flavor of it, but I still like the idea of no colors/preservatives in my cola. I hope to try Pepsi Natural if I can get out to the store and find it. It is still a caramel colored cola, but it claims to be "natural".

Coke Blak - One of my favorite, but expensive, drinks of 2005. I had it while working my first summer at school. Great stuff. A nice cola flavor with a coffee finish. Most people thought it was weird, but I thought it was a decent combination. It might have taken some getting used to for people, and the price for a small 8oz glass bottle of the stuff in a 4 pack was somewhat outrageous. I think that Coke could have done a lot better on this if it hadn't been for the packaging. It was classy, but too expensive for a fairly experimental beverage.

7up - Yes, I know that 7up is still on the market, but I have not tasted it in a couple of years or so. I have refused to drink it since they started making it with "all natural" juices or whatever they have in it now. It tastes too much like Ski, which I know a lot of people like, but I'm not into the whole sour lemon/lime/citrus beverage thing. I used to like 7up a lot, but not now. It is no longer enjoyable to drink since it is like eating a raw lemon.
Also, another 7up product that I miss is the Cherry 7up Bubblegum. It was cubes of gum that had a gooey cherry center. That was another childhood product.

Snapple Elements - An energy drink from Snapple. Good stuff. It came in aluminum cans. I think I only ever had the Rain drink and Fire since those are also in the name of a company.

Sobe Dragon - My favorite drink from Sobe. It had dragonfruit in it, and did not taste anything like the newer drinks with dragonfruit. Somewhere along the line people started to think that dragonfruit tastes like a flower instead of a fruit. Odd people, I know. The logo was also pretty cool. I copied the logo by hand and drew it one time during my freshman year at college. It was something I did for fun. I should find that... Hmm...

Anyway... that's my randomness as I wait on laundry to dry. I need to go to bed soon since I have a phone interview in the morning. Pray that it goes well and if this is where God is leading me that I would get the job!

rambling while tired...

2009-06-26T21:28:00.000-07:00

Not a lot happening here. Moving music from one comp to the other. Hoping it doesn't take too long. At least my music is on my Mac my portable HD and now my PC. I still haven't named my PC... hmm... i might want to do that... Getting tired and need to go to bed while the air is still cool enough to get a decent amount of sleep in somewhat cool air. I woke up the other day unable to breathe, and woke up while on my way into sitting up and gasping for air. I'm sure the dream I was having didn't help much. I don't remember what it was but it had me either anxious or something else... maybe it was the lack of oxygen. Who knows.

Hmmm... none of the CD's that I put on my Mac are transferring over to the PC... coz of MP4 file system? I have no idea. I'm not going to try to figure it out now. This seems almost useless.... Needs to be converted I guess? Gonna try tomorrow.

For now I'm going to go to bed while it's relatively cool enough to sleep. Looking forward to the mid 80's next week and lows in the mid 60's!! Aaaah... temps in the 60's will be refreshing! Might get through the day without feeling like you should shower about 10 times a day (which wouldn't work since as soon as stepping from the shower you feel like you need to jump back in!). Ugh, I dislike hot humid weather! Especially without A/C... got too used to it the last few years living on campus, in basements of places where the top of the house would be sweltering and the basement would rival the Siberian territories... I miss those Siberian territories... lol :P

meh.

2009-06-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

Meh.

No job yet. Still looking. Apparently not hard enough... Been putting in applications in online. Going out tomorrow to pick up an application at a place I heard from my bro was hiring. It stinks not knowing the local geography and stuff as far as jobs and businesses go.

It's been hot here, and humid. Sticky yuckyness. You can't be without a fan or you'll drown from sweating. I miss A/C.

I hate being as heavy as I am. Blargh. Been trying to lose weight and it seems nothing works. Maybe lost 5 pounds since being home. Gain it back in clothing though... lol. Been doing more crunches and squats and lifting and messing around with my 8lb sand filled rubber ball. It's kind of fun to play around with, but I stink at keeping track of reps. I go until I get tired with it. Was looking at pics from freshman year at Bethel and realized how not-fat I was at the time, when I felt like I was. Meh.

Not much else to say. Not much goes on here out in the boondocks. Wishing I had friends close by here. Still not met anyone at church. Apparently small groups or life groups don't meet over the summer at BTC... why????? People that are new to the church need some people to hang out with in the summer too, don't they? No job, no social life. I'm on my computer most days doing stuff. Looking for job postings online, playing games, reading articles, looking at pics on Flickr's Explore page, refreshing the page a bazillion times going through looking for interesting pictures... wishing I had a decent camera to take some pics with... what kind of camera you have really makes a difference. You can't take good shots with something that's not built to take exceptional shots. You can take mediocre shots. But that's about it. They are pleasing to the photographically untrained eye. But for someone who wants to take good shots, get good framing, and vibrant colors, etc... yeah. Gotta deal with what I got for now though.

Anyway... that's all I've got for now....

Much randomness about DTV and the postal service...

2009-06-14T20:58:00.001-07:00

Oh, I just remembered about my package I had posted about last week. It finally got here on like Monday or Tuesday after I posted that. It still doesn't help my feelings of dissent against the postal service.

Random... or not so random question: Has anyone else had any conspiracy theories run through their head with the whole DTV switch from analog to digital? Has it occurred to anyone else how attached we are as a nation to TV, and that the Government controls that? I'm not against the government, I just don't trust them the majority of the time, it being filled with politicians and all... Anyway... back to the topic: This analog to digital switch has been the buzz of the networks for months now, and it just sounds to me like everyone is brainwashed. DTV is touted to be better than analog with more stations, etc. From what I have experienced, out here in the boondocks of Indiana, it is a worthless piece of garbage. It will not stay tuned, since digital signals go by line of sight, and analog was more like a superball, it would bounce around through pretty much anything. If you have a twig in the way of your brand-spanking-new digital antenna the stations will cut out. A messed up digital signal gets all pixelated and sounds like a broken record. Not to mention the fact that the DTV converter box has to tell you every time the station drops out by putting a somewhat transparent screen up that takes up at least 1/3 of your screen. If you recently looked at the description of your program it will take up all of the screen. And the box doesn't go away immediately. It has to stay there at least three seconds into your program to tell you what the signal strength is. Can you tell that I don't like DTV. I should stop watching tv all together, but it's something to do out here in the boonies... Oh, and DirectTV wasn't much better when we had that...

No point to this post except to examine the human condition

2009-06-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

On the way in to church this morning, at my turn on to Lincoln I heard some yelling to my left at the cross street. I was in the turn lane, waiting for the light to go left. The guy at the intersection to my left was opening his door (mind you this is the driver, and only person in the vehicle) and yelling at the guy in front of him. Mr. Big Yellow Panel Van wanted to turn left, and the guy in front of him was going straight, which is completely OK in that lane (silly, thanks to the city traffic dept. who are either unaware or unable to put another lane in, but still allowed). I didn't see the guy in the car, but he just drove straight when the light changed. Mr. Big Yellow Panel Van, who kind of looked like Shaq or a football player as big as he was, decided to continue with his right hand turn, and open the door and yell again as he turned onto the highway, and then as he closed the door, to flip his middle finger up at the driver, who was by then long gone down the street he was on and therefore could not see it.

I just wonder if the guy felt at all silly with his antics out in the middle of the intersection. Yeah, he's so tough yelling at and flipping off the guy in front of him who apparently wronged him by obeying traffic laws, but annoyed Mr. BYPV who wanted to turn right and couldn't. Mr. BYPV really looked like an idiot opening his drivers side door to yell (I'm guessing either the window was stuck/didn't work/or the guy was lazy and didn't want his spaceous AC to dissipate) and then flipping someone off who couldn't even see him do it. Because hurling insults out your door and giving someone the bird is an excellent way to show just how tough you are...

I'm not saying that I'm not prone to road rage. I get miffed at people who blatantly cannot follow rules, and sometimes question how some people obtain a license in the first place. Even on the way home half the people weren't following the speed limit (going slower amazingly enough), or didn't use turn signals... the turn signals really get me...

One more reason to hate the US Postal Service

2009-06-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

I ordered a pair of headphones last Friday with the cheap shipping, which was to be 5-7 days. I thought it would be here. It was in Missouri on Tuesday, which should be one day away from here, since the town Hazelwood is on I-64 which runs right past Evansville. You would think it would sort and ship through to Evansville, right? Apparently not. It went to Dallas, TX. For crying out loud postal service, do your workers know how to read? Or maybe they use computers for it and their GPS systems are failing. Texas is not on the way to Indiana! Plus, I just checked today and guess where my package is now... Hazelwood, MO. Really USPS?

Maybe it will get here by Monday or so... Of course, they might be shipping it back to the company since my address is apparently non-existant since I can't even find myself on Google Maps.

Here's the rundown from the USPS website... They are in ascending order...

Detailed Results:


	Processed through Sort Facility, June 06, 2009, 11:20 am, HAZELWOOD, MO 63042
	Processed through Sort Facility, June 04, 2009, 6:14 am, DALLAS, TX 75398
	Processed through Sort Facility, June 01, 2009, 10:44 am, HAZELWOOD, MO 63042
	Processed through Sort Facility, May 30, 2009, 1:44 am, BELL, CA 90201
	Electronic Shipping Info Received, May 29, 2009

Random thoughts

2009-05-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

Just watched the message from last week at Bethel Church in Redding, CA on their website. It got me to thinking. A lot of what they talk about, preach, live, experience has to do with the prophetic and the movement of the Holy Spirit. I know that one of the ways that God speaks to people is through dreams. Lately I have had a couple of different dreams, or more than that even, that have gotten me to thinking and wondering if or what they mean. One dream I mentioned before here I think, that had to do with being held hostage in a room with rocks that had valuable coins on one side and words on the other, and I was able to make a pile of them from the other rocks that I and a few other people were sitting on. The people holding us hostage were looking for the rocks with the coins. I had a dream while I was taking a nap this afternoon that I was sitting on a bench or at a table at what was possible a restaurant or coffee shop, and I was outside, sitting there with a laptop in front of me and a bag, which I think was the laptop bag. I went inside to get something, and had only been gone for a moment, and went back out and the laptop and bag were gone. I tried to remember the faces of the people who were there but had left. That didn't seem to matter so much when I noticed that there were random currency that were hidden by a door that seemed to be abandoned. I found myself pulling bills and coins from under the edge of this abandoned door of an abandoned building. No one who was around seemed to care and some even seemed to question my sanity as I kept pulling these items from below the door. I am not sure what value they had or anything, if they even had a value, but it wasn't like I was greedily gathering them in hopes to become rich. It was more like in each dream that these were things of value that were not properly being cared for or protected as they should. Maybe money was used as a symbol because it automatically translates into value for people? I don't know. I just thought that the second dream was really interesting when I woke up from it earlier this afternoon.

Anyway... not sure if anyone else will make heads or tails out of this post. I guess that doesn't really matter?

By Request: The Interviews

2009-05-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

So today I had an interview at 9am at BestBuy for the Geek Squad job. Paul and Chris, the two Geek Squad guys that are over sales and tech respectively, interviewed me. Paul said that he was excited that a girl had applied to the Geek Squad and he could tell from talking with me that I knew what I was doing with a computer. Paul said that the first interview was the most important since he and Chris would be the ones I would be working with the most. He asked me back for my second of the three interviews that is the process for BB later on this morning at 11:30am. So I hung around Panera and Wal-Mart and grabbed some lunch at the McD's. Then I went to wait a little while in the parking lot at BB and went in a couple minutes before 11:30. When I got there the guy who was to interview me, Brian, hadn't arrived yet. I hung out at the front until he got there and was ready to interview me. The interview went well, I think. I was asked some questions about how I've dealt with customer service issues at my previous job. I could not for the life of me recall any complete specific examples and was stumbling over my words a bit, but I think it went OK! I was asked back for the third interview with the General Manager for sometime next week. They will call me and let me know a time since the GM is out for a few days and they were unsure of the schedule when they returned. So hopefully I will have another interview on Wednesday or somewhere about there next week! Be praying for me!! :)

Honeysuckle and a Tape Deck

2009-05-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening I drove into Evansville to go get some khakis, and a better fitting top for my interview this morning. As I was driving into town on the country road, going East, the sun was setting behind me. The air was cool, almost cold. There was a honeysuckle breeze. A blue sky with a few clouds. I pulled out my 3 Car Garage tape by Hanson and popped it in the tape deck and started singing along. On the way home I put in Middle of Nowhere and sang along to it.

I like nights like that.

Boring life, even more boring tech talk...

2009-05-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I've not updated in a while, and not much has changed since the last time that I did update. We've had a couple of cookouts and been to Evansville a couple of times. I've still been looking at job postings online and applying to as many as I can. Still nothing on that front either.

One small rant about nothing related to any of this... People on Craigslist are insane. I made a post in the wanted section looking for a non-working camcorder, either Hi-8 or VHS, both of which are not used that much anymore and I assumed there might be people out there who would want to get rid of some old piece of junk like that, especially if they have gotten a new one that doesn't use the old analog tech. Well, I got a couple of hits from it, but the people were looking for more money than I wanted to pay. One guy said he had one that he wanted over $25 for, and another one never for back to me when I offered to pay $1 for one, which I said in my post that I was not looking to spend anything over $5 or $10 for one, especially without knowing the condition and if I could use the parts on it.

The reason I am looking for a cheap or free old camcorder is because I want to build a night vision set up so I can see in the dark around the house. One would have come in handy last week when we had a skunk running around stinking up the place. Thankfully it has not been around lately... maybe it moved on to someone elses backyard. I already have the Infrared LEDs for the display, and am getting the parts to make the LED array. And, I just need to find a camcorder I can either take apart, or find a cheap one I can use that has nightshot. With the LED array it will give more IR light so I would have a wider and longer range of vision than a normal nightshot IR light would give... I've been looking around at the yard sales I've been to. I just need to keep checking them and maybe the Goodwill's in the area and see if they have anything I could use...

Also, while I'm waiting on responses from jobs I am needing to go get the study guide for the General License for Amateur Radio. Then I could get our shortwave radio set up and talk around the world! I should find my old map of the callsigns and put it on my wall...

Anyway... enough random tech talk for today...

It's been one week since...

2009-05-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

Well, we know where that song goes... complete randomness...

The week has not been quite as exciting as the song, just regular mundane life in southern Indiana trying to find a job by searching online, and trying to stay sane by... well, just trying to stay sane. Not much to report on the side of jobs or anything such as that. It has been kind of stressful, and I've been going online looking at different sites for postings. I am going to have to go to the websites of specific places and apply on there... that's where I've been directed to most times when looking for jobs like last summer. Everywhere that I looked at wanted an online application. OK... it just might be time to put in that application for the Geek Squad. I really don't want to work in retail, but there's not that many open office or tech related positions in Evansville, it seems. Or I just don't know where to look.

Aside from that, life is not all that interesting. Just playing Combat Arms for some time killer, and doing random other things to keep busy. I am going to try to find some of my books that I want to read, either for the first time or again, tomorrow. There's not much to do here. I want to go get out of the house for a while sometime but I really don't have anywhere to go. I don't know much of the layout of E-ville or anything, or any places to go that would be interesting. I have no reason to go hang out at the mall or anything like that. And no one to go do stuff with. I went to my brother's church on Sunday, and will be going back this Sunday. I am wanting to get plugged in with a small group or something but am still not sure if that is the right church for me. It feels a lot like GCC, which nothing against them, I just do not like the atmosphere of it that much. I will see how this coming Sunday goes. Last week was Mother's Day so they had all kinds of special things going on. We'll see. I wish there was some other way to get plugged into a Christian community here than to try to find a church to fit into and then get to know the people there. I might look around for some Christian coffee houses or something. One of the girls that I went to Bethel with also lives down here. At least that is one connection here, other than family. It's nice to know that someone else I have gotten to know in the last 5 years is also here. Even though here is extremely boring without classes or work or so many familiar faces around.

2009-05-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

It has been just about one week since I graduated from college. I still don't think that the fact has settled in. I've still been looking for job postings online to apply to and send my resume to. Not gotten any hits quite yet. Mostly I've been trying to get some rest lately from the insane weekend last week, and the whole shifting of settings recently.

I've finally got both my Mac and my laptop set up in the corner of the bedroom. The futon has been pushed back into a couch for now, instead of a bed. The room is still a mess from my things randomly strewn wherever they were on Monday when I brought them all in.

Monday morning my Dad came in the bedroom and handed me my cell phone, soggy and wet as it was from laying in the yard all night where it fell out of my hoodie pocket onto the ground when I got out of my car after arriving home very late Sunday night, after a long day and an even longer drive. (And that was quite the run-on sentence.) I got the battery out of it right away and took the memory card out and opened it up as much as possible. I laid it on a dish rag to get the water soaked up. It works now... I just haven't charged it since then...

It has been nice to be able to sleep without worrying about an alarm or anything lately... I just keep having really weird dreams, like being held hostage by some group of guys with a bunch of other people in a room that looked like something out of an Indiana Jones film, where there were a bunch of rocks with words imprinted on one side and a rare coin embedded into the other. Those rocks were in the midst of other rocks in the room that we were all sitting on, but it was unusually comfortable to sit on them, and I was sitting close to a cluster of those rocks, so I was secretly trying to make a pile of them and hide them so the robbers would not get them. Then we were all of a sudden in another room that looked like a lecture hall or a theater or something of that sort, and one guy was up towards the front waiting on the getaway car, and he had a little revolver pistol pointed at us, and somehow I got a revolver pistol and got outside to try and shoot the car, but I missed and then I woke up. Been watching too many of those retro shows with my Mom where revolver pistols is all that the cops carry...

Also on the subject of sleep, apparently the only time I can think of ways to arrange the room here is when I am almost asleep. I always think of different things I can do or whatever when I am just about to drift off to sleep. Then I wake up and realize that I was almost asleep... Go figure...

Tomorrow morning is the Poseyville town wide yardsale. That means an early wake-up call and getting out walking around, trying to spot deals before others do... And tomorrow is our Mother's Day cookout. People have stuff planned for Sunday already so we're doing stuff tomorrow.

It is currently thundering loud and long. I don't think it has started to rain yet. I am glad to be back where I can experience a real thunderstorm. Northern Indiana storms just do not compare.

I think I'm going to end this post finally, and see if the kitties want to come back inside...

By the way, check my Flickr page for graduation pics!!! My sis and my friend Jess P. took pics :)

2009-04-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me well enough, or even not that well, can probably attest to the fact that I freak out at little things, or at things that I should be patient with.

Yesterday I was at dinner with Megan and got a phone call from Lyndee telling me that there was a dorm meeting back at the dorm and I needed to be back by 8:15. Megan and I were still at the restaurant and I was supposed to go to work on a friend's computer at 7:30. I was frustrated by the news of a dorm meeting, and got upset about it. Just as soon as I hung up the phone and was explaining things to Megan about what was going on, I got a call from my friend Mary whose computer I was to work on. She said that she was just getting back from work and would be about half an hour before I could come over to work on the computer. So we ended up scheduling to meet up today for me to work on her computer. But I texted Lyndee back that I would be coming to the dorm meeting and that God was probably laughing at me, because I got upset over the meeting because I had something already scheduled, and then the scheduled thing ended up not happening, so I was able to go back to campus...

When we got back to campus I went back to my room to drop off my food and let Megan use my computer. Then Lyndee came in the room and we ended up going down towards the conference room for the "meeting". Lindsey was also coming towards the conference room from her apartment. We went in, and as I came in the lights were turned on and everyone that was in there yelled "SURPRISE!" and I saw that the room was decorated with streamers and balloons and there were snacks on the table! They had planned out this whole surprise for my birthday!! I was definitely surprised, and wondered how I hadn't seen it coming. But that thing with the scheduling... definitely a God thing... and I'm pretty sure He was laughing at me.... or at least at the fact I got so upset over something that wasn't even really something to get upset over... since it was all made up just to get me back to the dorm for my surprise party... I should tell my friend Mary what happened. I forgot to when I was working on her computer today...

2009-04-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

Not much time to update right now. I'm working on some homework before my head gets too tight and I fall asleep. I should just go on "third shift" from now until the next two weeks is up. Night time is the only time I ever get anything done... if even then. Dumb lack of motivation.... hmph. Two weeks from finishing. A lot of papers and project type things to finish these last two weeks. This week and next week basically. Then it's finals week, which I will have mostly to myself. I will be working possibly on Wednesday and Thursday, although I'm not sure yet how long each day. It depends on who else is wanting to work those days also, which is fine by me. Two more weeks... I have to keep reminding myself of that. Gonna try to finish a few more journal entries and then go to bed.... about to fall asleep right now...

Random...

2009-04-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

So, my liking of caffeinated beverages has paid off... I got a phone call today from a number I didn't recognize. I answered, and the guy on the other end asked to speak to me. I said I was Nora, and he said that he was calling to inform me that I had won the Bawls BMX bike. I was sitting here like "Are you kidding?", coz I'm used to getting these things saying I've won something but there's a catch, like they want your credit card info or something. This was not one of those calls. He asked me to confirm the address they had on file for me, which he read off first, and said that the bike would be shipped within 2-4 weeks. I asked if it would be getting here before the end of the month, and he said he would make a note on there to ship it at the latest by the 25th. Crazy!

This is the bike that I will be getting!

I will be lucky if I can actually ride it with it being so small and me being fairly large... ugh... I hope to be able to use it to some of its ability soon... working on this whole losing weight thing. Been doing some calisthenics exercising lately, just to get my metabolism up more than what it is. I think it's been working. My abs have a slight bit of muscle to them now instead of none at all. So, at least i'm heading in the right direction.

dreams and dreaming

2009-04-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

I had a very strange dream last night. Well, I think it was right before I got up, but I was asleep so I couldn't really tell you what time it was... Anyway... I dreamed last night that for some reason I was feeling hopeful about something... about a relationship, I think. And then someone said to me something about the guy I was thinking about (who is real, and who shall remain nameless since it was only a dream, and I'm not sure why I dreamed it, or even if I know this person well enough to have dreamed about him, but I did) had said something on Facebook about "us" that was ambiguous, but hinting. I was all confused and, again, hopeful as I said before. We ended up hanging out, but that's about it, coz later on I woke up and was still confused as ever as to why I would have dreamed such a thing.

Also, before I went to bed last night, I had put in my resume on Monster.com to 6 places in the Evansville area. Hopefully I will end up getting a job prior to graduation, so I can have a job when I move back home. Who knows if that will happen or not. But that is sort of what I mean by "dreaming". I know that some of my skills I've gained from working in Computer Services here will help when I get out into the "real world" of jobs.... which is what it's supposed to do...

Anyway.... I need to get on with my homework. I have to finish the Saturday Seminar paper, and two other papers for Biblical Theology for tomorrow. I went to the 7-11 and got a bottle of Bawls Guarana for tonight. That will hopefully keep me awake long enough that I can finish something anyway...

I still need to figure out all the things I need to do prior to graduation... No one tells you all the details you need to know when you are graduating... or maybe I don't know who to ask? I just feel like I'm missing things that I should know....

2009-03-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

Forgot the deadline for the Saturday Seminar project. Also didn't have a group to do it in.

I keep not being able to get things on paper for my papers for Bib Theo. I stink at getting my thoughts on paper these days.

Adolescent Lit is a blow off class.... Since we hardly ever learn anything, and the book is lame.

Practicum for YM? The youth pastor is not doing the things he should be doing. How am I supposed to do what I should be doing if he is not properly equipping me.

Meh. I feel like this semester is doomed for disaster... which is not good since it's supposed to be my last one. Feeling like an oddball as a fifth year senior doesn't help any. Not having finances to support myself after graduation doesn't help. Neither does not knowing what I'm going to be doing once I leave here.

Basically... I'm feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed...

I know that God is doing something but right now it just seems so hard to figure out what.

I can't say "Descend On" without overwhelming panic and distrust, no matter how good my belayer.

late night ramblings

2009-03-23T21:17:00.001-07:00

I went to a time of worship at the Shiloh Prayer Chapel this evening. That was good. It's been a long time since I was in there, especially for a community worship event. I miss Prayer Watch...

I have a paper to work on tomorrow. And a presentation to prepare for Friday morning. This is going to be interesting. Coz neither I or my groupmate on this project have gotten together to do anything yet. Lovely. But my partner on the project is a cheerleader and was gone all of last week/end for the men's basketball games that were out of town... like Branson, MO out of town... long ways...

One of the girls from youth group is going to be on campus a couple of times this week for different college preview stuff. I hope I don't come off the wrong way if I don't have much time...

I need to go to the store tomorrow... Aldi has good prices on milk. Might look at some other stuff to get there if I can get some healthy stuff... although I'm not sure that is even possible at Aldi... where everything is mostly packaged stuff that is an off-brand name and is much cheaper.

I took a nap earlier this evening, because working on my project with the girl in my group fell through. I wasn't sure how much time I had this evening. I feel like I was a jerk to one of my friends. If you read this, I'm sorry, I was just feeling extremely overwhelmed at the time you messaged me, and I didn't mean to be a jerk to you.

Once I got back I was able to check my e-mail and she'd finally e-mailed me back about meeting tonight, saying she couldn't. So since I was so tired from the Bib Theo class (which for some reason makes me go cross-eyed and get drowsy) that I came back to my room and took a nap on the loveseat in the living room. Not the most comfortable thing to do, coz your feet end up falling asleep from being up on the arm of it. I kept falling asleep and then waking up and jerking myself awake, because I was cold from the furnace fan going, and the light was on, and I wasn't all that comfortable...

Anyway... this is a very long post, and I should be going to bed... I need to get up somewhat early to shower and start writing on my paper that I somehow accidentally deleted or didn't save properly. If I had one of those waterproof pen and notepads, I could save time and write the paper in the shower... I seriously have some of my best (and sometimes not so great) ideas while isolated in the shower. Or when I'm falling asleep.... Never when I am fully conscious and sitting in front of my computer... which is most of my life these days... Maybe computers really do kill brain cells... Hmmm... I get tired of not using my imagination as much as I used to... I feel like my creativity has gone down the drain as I get older... I want to be the kind of person who thinks of something by "staring out a window" like that one story goes with the guy complaining about another guy who is in his office staring out the window all the time, while everyone else is being a number-cruncher and go-get-em kind of worker... But while they are doing, doing, doing, he is thinking, and he figures out a solution to something... I used to think of stuff all the time... and although some of it was somewhat crazy and usually improbable, at least I was trying new things out in my head, instead of just going through the motions of stuff all the time...

OK, I really need to go to bed, because now everyone is going to be bored, or think I'm a wacko, or both...

Goodnight everybody....

2009-03-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I've not posted on here for quite a while. I don't even remember what I last posted about. I'm sure that not much has happened since then. Life has been crazy since getting back from spring break. At least now it's spring. This last week there wasn't one night that I got to bed before 1am. That pretty much had me wiped out for the weekend. I didn't have anything planned for yesterday so I slept in as late as I could, which ended up being about 11:00. And I even slept through my alarm this morning and missed church today. I had a dream that I was wearing one of those t-shirts with speakers in them a la thinkgeek's "personal soundtrack" tee. Except the shirt I was wearing was red, I think. And I couldn't find the off button. So I kept hearing Bono belting out "It's a beautiful day... Don't let it get away..." with the guitar and everything... repeating itself multiple times. It started to get annoying, and I kept trying to turn it off somehow. I finally became conscious enough to reach to my phone and peck the OK key to get it to shut off, but by then it had apparently gone off for about half an hour because I didn't get up after that until about 10:20am. I had woken up earlier in the morning, around 6am to my roommates' alarm clock beeping. It had been set for 5:15am coz they had a track meet to go to and had to be up then yesterday morning. So, it had been going off for a while, too. I must have been really out of it.

So far today I have watched the movie "Wargames: The Dead Code". It was really good. Nice action, tech stuff that I enjoyed. I don't think I've ever seen the original, or if I have it's been a while. I think I saw the movie "Hackers" but not the first Wargames movie. It was a good choice, though.

I haven't done much other than that, and look up stuff online, and send in a paper that was due earlier last week. Now I need to see what else I have to do before tomorrow. Last night, even when I went to bed before midnight, I still didn't get to sleep much before 1am. I kept thinking about stuff. Wondering if I had any big papers due this week. Thinking about how I'm going to get things done by the time graduation roles around. What I need to get done for graduation. How am I going to get all my stuff home after graduation. Am I going to have the money to pay off everything up here before I leave? I have a medical bill I'm still paying on. And a late fee from the library. And a very small paycheck this last time. Yes, I realize I need to be smarter with my money. I don't need any responses on that front...

Looking forward to graduation is somewhat hard, sort of not. Hard because I do not know how many people I know who will actually be able to come. My parents aren't up to traveling, which I understand. I'm not sure how all my stuff is going to get home. I'm not sure how many, if any, close friends will be able to come. I've heard rumors of certain family coming, but not sure if they will make it up here either. And graduating and leaving Bethel will be somewhat easy because I am very seriously feeling the "senioritis" being a 5th year senior because my friends have already graduated, and I doesn't know many of those in the classes below mine, and I'm just ready to do life without so many rules and people looking over my shoulder every minute. Although that might still be the case if one is prone to believing all the "big brother" stuff they see on TV...

Anyway.... this post has gotten long and rambly. I could probably think of a bunch of other things to fill it with, too, but I'm not feeling like writing much more.... which you are all probably thankful for...

dream ramblings... deep thoghts... and some tech ramblings...

2009-02-22T16:44:00.001-08:00

I had a dream last night where I was with some people I know, and we were in a room that I had seen before in a dream (many of my locations are repeated often) and we were talking and sitting at a table. Someone took something that I had in front of me, and I got upset, because there were not very many of them, and I think I had other things on my mind, that sort of made it one of those "last straw" situations or something. I'm not sure why or anything, that's just the direction the dream went. I don't think I'm at that kind of point right now at all. Anyway, I ran off to this place in the building where I was trying to lock the doors behind me, but ended up in a room that was adjacent to the room with the other people in it. I then tried to lock this elaborate door system between the rooms. It was like a scene from a suspense movie, but after fumbling with the locks and stuff, I got them to latch together properly, and then was somewhat emotional. Then one of the people who had I think been out with the others, came in behind the wall, through a different door somehow. No one else really wanted to come back there, I guess. I heard them asking each other if this person would be able to talk to me. And the girl that came back there signed to me in ASL, because she knew it was important that we talk and not be overheard, since the wall could not be seen through but could be heard through. And she said "You don't have to control the situation." YOU NOT-NEED CONTROL SITUATION. I did not respond because I woke up. But I felt like it was God telling me not to worry, or invest my time in things I could not control, but wanted to. And also, not to get upset with things minor, or that don't really matter in the long run.

I also had another dream where I was in the dream version of Griffin that I have in my head, I don't know how or why it looks like it does, but it's sort of a mix between what I know of Griffin, and what it might look like in a video game. Why I turned Griffin into a video game world in my head, I don't know. But anyway, I was in a yard somewhere, and wondered where my sister Mary went. It was summer time, and I had been hanging out with the youth from a church (i think some of them were from where I'm at now, but some weren't, they were just there from somewhere...). I later found out that she was waiting patiently to ambush some of the kids with a Super Soaker. Once I got to talk with her later I asked if we could have a Super Soaker truce between us so we would agree not to soak each other, but to go after the neighborhood kids.

Yeah, random and strange. Not sure what that last dream was about.

Anyway... my computer should be in tomorrow. I need to clean my room so I can do the unboxing video in here. I am trying to figure out when I should pick it up from the mailroom. Coz I'm not sure that I can get it before I go in to work, so maybe if I don't have many work orders I can talk my boss into letting me go get it, since everyone at work wants to see it too. Maybe then I could use the real camcorder to take my video... I do need to clean up my desk, and my room in general. Health checks are happening this week, and my room is a disaster area. It's been bothering me lately, but I've not had that much time to actually work on it. And my desk... well, I'm somewhat like my brother was when he was still living at home... he apparently always had every glass from the kitchen in his room from when he used them... my desk is the same way... I have all kinds of glasses and bottles and take out cups on it... I don't know why I can't just take them over to the trash or out to the recycling in the hall, or to the sink in the kitchen. Oh well... It's something I'm working on. I hope to have a video up by tomorrow night or Tuesday once I get my computer all up and running and get stuff installed that I want to get installed. I still need to purchace Office for it. Hopefully I can get over to the bookstore and do that before I go home for break. It would be helpful for getting things done over break. I'm excited that I am going to have a standalone version of Photoshop so I can work on pictures... that came with my computer. Definitely cool. I've been looking forward to tomorrow all weekend... I still need to work on my theology paper this evening. I took a two or three hour nap earlier, though, and have a cola right now. So I will probably be up for a while anyway...

A long day

2009-02-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

I feel like I haven't spoken to anyone in days. Not a really good conversation anyway. I did Thursday night with Sara. Friday was not very social. I didn't feel very good for most of the day. And today I was stuck in class all day. I kind of really wanted to hang out with people this evening, but I didn't find anyone to hang out with. I went to SG to grab dinner and came back to my room and watched a movie. Then I played my djembe here in the room, with a blanket stuck in the end so it wouldn't be loud and bother other people. That kind of helped some. Looking forward to church tomorrow, just to be in His presence. Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to have to write a paper for Monday's Bib. Theo. class. Ugh. That class is eating my lunch. At least I think that's the proper use of the phrase...

Anyway... I'm off to bed because of the long day in class today... and we even got out an hour early because the speaker wanted to go to the basketball game! I don't know if we won or not. It was a good class, but they are always so long. By the end I was so antsy to get out of the room. I tried to take a nap, but couldn't. Probably too much caffeine anyway. I got a chai this evening, so not as much caffeine as a coffee... or it just doesn't affect me in that way from chai as coffee does. I'm tired now, and no one is on AIM or anything, so I'm just going to go to bed. I'm going to try to make it to Crossroads in the morning. I haven't been for a long time...

Goodnight all...

2009-02-15T17:25:00.000-08:00

So many things on my mind right now. Of course isn't that normal for my blog posts?

I am pretty stoked about the computer that I ordered from Dell on Friday... but I have to wait until it gets here... which I am not too enthusiastic about waiting, but what can you do?

I have a bunch of homework to do tonight... reading stuff then writing about it mostly. I am going to hole up in the computer lab tomorrow night and work on my paper for Senior Sem as it is due on Thursday, but I can still work on it after that, the paper just has to be good enough for a passing grade to be put on the books. Then I can work on it more after that if necessary...

I keep getting so distracted...

And, yes, I am going to go all tech/geek when I get my computer and do an unboxing video from my camera (without sound though, because I don't have a mic on my camera, but I might put music to it), and I will then upload it somehow for ya'll to see who read my blog. I need to get a copy of Office from the campus bookstore soon so I can get that installed when I get my new compy. At least that will end the having to type things on Google Docs and then copy/paste them into Word and do all the formatting there. Finally. After over four years of having to find some other way to get my papers written. And I will be able to open documents and stuff... Do you have any idea how good it will be to finally be able to write papers on my own computer? Or open things without having to wait until I can get to the computer lab? Or be able to have a couple of "extra" programs on my computer, like Google Earth and a Twitter app? Or being able to Skype with friends and family with the built in mic and webcam? OK, OK, I'll stop... but for me... getting a new computer is very very exciting...

2009-02-10T19:09:00.000-08:00

Thinking about dreams and dreaming of things, more daydreaming of things... Needing to get homework done... at some point. I still have things that I'm working on to get in to prof's this week. Ugh. Feeling like Relient K right now... missing the sun... although we've had some sun and very warm 60 degree weather. It's been nice, but it's about to get cold again. I'm still in hibernation mode. Working on that. Been out of that mode for over the weekend and now I'm back in it. During the week I get run ragged from my classes and work schedule, and homework and youth group... which I will be doing more of the next couple of months prior to graduating. Just went to talk with Casey today about stuff for the semester. Gotta take stuff in to my prof for the class tomorrow. I don't like Monday's and Wednesday's... mostly because everything is so spread out that I only have about an hour between things and that's not time enough for me to get things done at the pace I normally function at when reading/writing a paper. And days like today, by the time I get off work, and run errands like I did today, I'm wiped out by dinner time. And I'm still up, why? I don't even know.

This is getting long and rambly. I could make a point to myself about some things right now... but will save it for later. Or not at all. I just keep thinking about things I want to do, when I should probably be focusing on the here and now... and blah, blah, blah...

Anyway... I really am just rambling now... and I should probably go to bed as this is probably not making sense to anyone, and I'm tired and am going to have a very long day tomorrow... Worrying is not good, but I do it anyway... I think I'd rather just dream instead of worry... alrighty... off to bed...

2009-02-04T19:31:00.001-08:00

I'm off to bed here in a bit. Today has been intense. Yesterday was also intense. The time of year (with mostly no sunshine) has gotten to me. Stress has gotten to me. Lack of spending time with God has gotten to me. Class work has gotten to me. Thoughts of the future after graduation has gotten to me.

Needless to say I need some spiritual and relational refreshing right now.

Dreams...

2009-02-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

In the nighttime sense...

I keep having strange dreams. Well, all my dreams are usually strange, aside from the couple or three really intense ones I had freshman year and haven't had similar ones since... But I keep dreaming the same places on various nights. I just know that the places are familiar.

Mostly these familiar places I have been to are somewhat similar to places I have actually been, while others are just something I have only seen in my mind. I tend to dream about places with stairs, usually trying to get down the stairs, but sometimes trying to go up. And they are not normal stairs. The dream I had last night was one of those dreams.

I don't remember many details, except that I was in some building, one I had been in before in a dream, I think, and it had really strange architecture. It had some large windows and some "modern" looking stairs and other things. And when I say "modern" it's more like the stairs were different pieces of wood or something, covered in carpet, and were suspended, sort of like some demented playground. And to descend, from quite a height mind you, you had to gingerly step from one of the edges of a long board down to the other. They moved a bit, too, which increased my vertigo in the dream. Some guy, a tall black guy, maybe British, that was dressed in a sort of fashion/art sort of style, was helping me down this odd staircase. Then I got to one step that I could not get down from. For some reason the whole thing sort of spun or swung or something just enough to throw me somewhat off balance. Someone was on a platform to my right and stuck out their hand and pushed against me. At first to hold me up, and then it almost seemed as if they were trying to push me against something to my left, a pole or the wire or something the step was attached to. I yelled at the person to let go and stop pushing me, and I think that's where the dream ended...

I always seem to find myself in some kind of staircase or something, like one dream I had with some sort of attic in this really large, slightly creepy and elaborate house. Most of the passage ways through the house had some stair case or something. One was like really large wooden platforms suspended in the air, but solid so you could jump up on one or down from them to another. Anyway, I climbed around in those and just could not get anywhere that I wanted to go.

Also, in last nights dreams I had one that did not have to do with stairs but had to do with another recurring theme I have in my dreams. I'm not sure if I was knocked down or was trying to get up out of something, but I was coming out of a building, kind of crawling as if to get to safety from something, and I crawled out on this sandy place, with a wall to my right and a jeep to my left. It started raining, and the water splashed down on the sand and beaded up on it. For whatever reason I could not stand up for anything. Many of my dreams are like that. I am trying to get somewhere and can't, either because I can't get up the stairs to it, or I can't stand up from somewhere.

I'm not quite sure what to make of these dreams.

Dreams keep popping up. While typing this one of my roommates mentioned a dream they had last night. My sister has mentioned her odd dreams to me lately. A random guy at SG mentioned his, that I talked about in a previous post with the black hole thing. And someone on Twitter that I follow mentioned having strange dreams...

And off the dreams topic, but the topic of things coming up more than once, I had a really good conversation with Holly this morning, as she called me from S.K. And then at church some of the things that she had said were reverberated in the message.

I'm still trying to figure out what is the meaning of all this repetition.

Images

2009-01-27T18:26:00.000-08:00

Burning bush - I have been thinking about the song Standing Still by Jewel, and listened to it the other day on YouTube. It has a line about "there's a dead end to my left, there's a burning bush to my right." I was thinking about that line mostly because at the moment everything I try to do seems to come up a "dead end", and it seems that every time I turn around from that, God's got a burning bush on the other side. Tonight Leonard Sweet talked a little bit about part of his new book coming out called "Every Bush is Burning".

Black hole - Today, earlier, I think it was, it might have been yesterday, I was thinking about black holes. You know, the ones in outer space that suck everything close to it inside. And I started thinking, not in some weird depressing metaphoric way, but I started wondering where black holes go, and how we see them, and what happens to all the stuff they hoover up from space. I got some picture in my mind of a black hole warping everything around it and everything just disappearing inside. Well, tonight I was at SG and this one guy that I've met while on work orders because he does stuff in the science building, was talking about black holes. He was talking to a lot of people, and was going around from table to table. I'm not sure what he was talking about all the time, but the subject of black holes came up in two of the conversations that I heard a snippet of.... actually all I heard was "...black holes..." I finally asked him about it as I was leaving with Megan to go to Chapel for the evening session. He said he had a dream last night about a black hole, just randomly. So I guess he was studying them now with a new fervor or something. I'm not sure. But he said he dreamed about one. And I was thinking about one earlier today, or not that long ago.

Coincidence? Well, since there's no such thing as coincidences, which Dr. Bob talked about in Senior Year Experience a bit today... What's the meaning behind it?

The burning bush I can get. I think that God has been doing everything short of throwing one at me lately. I can be dense sometimes... sometime moreso spiritually than anything. But the black hole? What is a black holes significance? That things are there that are still there, but are so densely packed that where they are looks black to us from Earth because it is so much packed so tightly, and yet everything still exists? It can't really go anywhere, so it's all there, in the black hole... according to what the guy I spoke with tonight said... and I vaguely remember something to that extend from watching Bill Nye the Science Guy as a kid. One image that popped into my head when thinking about black holes earlier was Bill Nye and the funny graphics they used to simulate him going into a black hole, and the warp speed that mass reaches when introduced into one. The guy I spoke with said that some research suggests that black holes lead to other dimensions.... which is very interesting.

So, I'm not sure what to think about any of this at the moment. I really just needed to get this out on "paper" in a written format to try to get it in some kind of order.

Another long and rambling, venting post....

2009-01-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

Nothing seems to be working right at the moment.

My car just broke down sort of the other day. Took it in to the mechanic. Now I can't get it back because I don't have the money right now to pay the bill. I told the mechanic that I would have to do some kind of payment plan or something. Right now I am carless and moneyless. I just got my paycheck from Bethel from the pay period right before break I guess. Only $52. My bill for my car, $378. I feel like life has run me over with a steam roller, and then rained down a ton of bricks just for the fun of it. I asked my parents to front me the money I need to pay my car bill. I am going to be paying them back out of each paycheck the next few months, since my paychecks are not that big to begin with. I just hope that working more hours will help. I won't see the new years paychecks until later on though, probably two paychecks from now. I need to fill out my tax forms and get them in so whatever I get back from that can go to my parents, coz they are lacking just about as much as I am.

My computer also just got another line showing up in it. I'm not sure if I will still be able to get a computer or not with the loan money left over from this semester. I'm not sure how I'm gonna be able to make it through the rest of this school year, and then after graduation (if that even happens at this rate) what I'm going to do, if my parents will let me stay with them and get a job in E-ville, or what.... I can't afford anything right now, I apparently can't handle my money that well, and taking the Dave Ramsey class this semester seems to be showing me just how much I've already screwed this whole finance thing up already, especially with my car stuff going on right now and not having anything in the bank to use, because my "emergency fund" has been drained from having to pay all kinds of other emergency things in the past few years dealing with my car I had then.

Car trouble just seems to find me at just the right moments to throw me off balance, and make me feel like I can't do this. The whole budget thing, being organized with stuff like that, making it through what is supposed to be my last semester of college. We'll see about that one. I want this semester to be over, but I have no motivation to even look at my homework. That, and I can think of so many other things that I need to get done before I try to get a job at home after graduation. Things I don't have the money for. A professional wardrobe being one of the things that actually worries me. Aside from the fact I hate wearing professional clothes, I don't really like shopping for them either. And I still feel like I'm not good enough to get a decent job with decent pay. Or that there are even any of those around the E-ville area.

Meh. That's all I've got for now.... today in Chapel we had Alisa Childers as our guest. She was in the group Zoe Girl. She sang a lot of her stuff from her new solo album. It was quite mellow, although it was an acoustic set. I just wish my mood hadn't been one to match it today. As the day today has progressed it has gone completely downhill. I'm worried about just about everything right now. I'm worried about how my parents are going to get by having loaned me the money for my car. I worry about how I'm gonna keep up with bills right now because of the car repair bill. I worry that I'm not gonna get my homework done for worrying too much about everything else, which has been the case most of the time so far this semester. I worry about not graduating on time.... or even being able to graduate this May. And the list could just go on and on right now.

And right now crying won't help and sleeping won't help, but I really do need to do both right now. I've been crying off and on this evening already. Now I just need to go to bed and try to sleep. Just pray that my dreams don't torment me with worry the way my thoughts have been lately with all of this worry.

Car problem - payment

2009-01-23T11:47:00.001-08:00

2009-01-22T13:18:00.000-08:00

Feeling kind of stuck. Like I'm too far behind to get ahead.

Just trying to make it through all the homework and classes and stuff this semester so I can get out of here.

And then... well, I'm not sure about anything after that at the moment.

trying to justify my thoughts on my computer....

2009-01-11T16:32:00.000-08:00

Not much to report on here. I'm working on a couple of things for class tomorrow, but other than that, I'm not too busy.

It has been snowing here quite a bit. I should go get some pictures at some point. The snow will be around a while this week though. I might take Domo out later this week for some snow pics though. That would be fun. The snow tonight as I went to the Acorn to get dinner reminded me of walks with the girls through the years. The snow was just drifting down, a lot, but very light. I couldn't even hear it on the trees (maybe either because I didn't slow down much since I was cold and wanted to get indoors and was walking by myself, or because I have been to too many concerts in the past year or so and my hearing is headed downhill, I'm not sure which). Good memories, though.

I seem to have a lot on my mind right now, and am sort of unable to get it all out. One thing I've been thinking about it getting a new computer. I have some loan money left over that I can get from the school. That would be really good to get a new computer, because the laptop I have is impossible to do anything with. As I have said before, the HD is too small and I can't find a ATA HD anymore, just SATA which is a completely different connection. The screen now has 9 lines running vertically through it at various points, which makes looking at just about anything on the computer bothersom. It run fairly decently for what it is, but if I try to look at a Java or Flash intensive site it bogs down like a lead weight in quicksand. Then programs close, or it freezes, or both at the same time. The fact that one of the fans has gone out on it doesn't help any. I also can't do my homework on it because I don't have Office on here. I can only use Google Docs, which does not exactly transfer to Office very well as it has some formatting issues. I hate using Office to begin with, or anything like it, but I have to, and if I'm going to I want things to look right... because professors don't like looking at something that isn't formatted correctly either. I want to get a computer that I can use for more than just browsing websites. I like to take pictures, and would like to edit them, but I can't do that on my computer. Any programs I would like to use are too large for my puny 20GB HD. Currently I run things from my external USB HD. That also slows down the computer, and not everything will run from that.... So.... I have some funds left from my loan, since it was estimated over instead of under, and I can get that from the school, and I am going to use it to get a new computer. I really need something that functions well. One might say that I could use my Mac that I have. But it is also an older model, and currently serves as a very large and stationary iPod. It is basically my music storage computer. I think I have put most of my CD's on there.... except for some that I just got from a prize pack I won from YS. Anyway, that's what I want to do. Maybe I'm crazy. There are definitely other places I could use that money, but seeing that my computer is just about to kick the bucket it seems, and has lost just about any bit of functionality it could have had, I really think that getting a new one will help. And I will be less bothered by trying to open documents from professors, and writing my own papers and such. That part really frustrated me right now. I can't open any kind of document that professors send without going to the computer lab, which although I work there, it is a pain to have to go down just to open one or two documents.

So.... there you go... a slight update, and a slight bit of what's been on my mind as of late. Well, one of the many things that's been on my mind lately... And maybe I am being rediculous... I don't know. I'm just tired of being held back by old technology.

Rambling thoughts... very rambling thoughts

2009-01-04T19:16:00.000-08:00

Everything right now seems so far removed from this last year. Except for the homework and the dread and anxiety over all of that...

I wonder what this new year holds.

Almost everyone else I know is going places in life, friends and family alike... and sometimes I feel like I am stuck at Bethel, and stuck in Indiana. Not that Indiana is bad... I just want to do something besides be at Bethel with all of the stuff there that is making me not like the place. But I am a "super senior" and I supposed just about anyone could get frustrated with a place after 5 years of being there.

I suppose that my time of doing something will come. It sure doesn't feel like it right now. I just want to be done with Bethel and get my degree and leave and do something I enjoy. That will most likely involve computers. But how? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure where I will live once I graduate. My parents don't seem to want me to move in with them once I get out of school, even though my Dad told me that if I needed a place to stay I could come stay here. Well, maybe they will recall having said that... Who knows. I don't know what this year holds. Jobs are scarce across the nation. So will I be able to get a job when I graduate? What kind of job? I don't really want to work in retail. I'm not sure I have enough experience to become some sort of technician for any company or business. I sure don't have the degrees for it. Maybe the knowledge, and even that is shaky at times. As CKH put it, I know enough to know there's more I need to know. Because of that I really don't see my talent with computers as much as other people do. I don't usually think I'm that good with computers. Other people seem to think I am very good with them. But I don't know programming. I need to learn a lot more about electronics, LAN, networking, WiFi, digital communication... the list could go on of what I want to learn about. I just hope that someday I can actually make a living off of that knowledge and skill. Right now one of the things that frustrates me is that I don't have the money to get the tools to learn things on my own. I can't build my own computer right now coz I can't afford the parts. Otherwise I just might build my own little monster computer. I love hands on stuff. I also don't have the space to do anything at school.

Anyway... enough of that. This is probably sounding all too negative and pessimistic as it is...

I'm just not sure of what this year is going to hold. I spent most of this break trying to relax and get my mind off of school and classes and the new dorm and stuff that has been bothering me. I still have to work on my paper before next Monday, so over the weekend of the new semester, since classes start on Thursday. I don't know how this semester is going to shape up. I think I failed my one class that I have to take for my degree that I don't even get credit hours for. I need to talk to the prof on that one. I have been trying to work on an e-mail to send him. I will have to organize my room once I get back to school, which won't be all that bad, I just hate going through stuff. It's time consuming... but it will take less time if I get it done, right?

I keep getting questions regarding what I'm going to do after Bethel. I really don't know. I don't have much of an answer. I want to do something with computers. I don't even know the job market for computer related work. I especially don't know how much of a market there is in the Evansville area.... or if I will even be in the Evansville area after I graduate. I definitely don't have the finances to go out and get an apartment somewhere and get a job in some new city. I don't even have the finances to do that in South Bend. I also don't exactly have connections with people to get an apartment with in South Bend or anywhere else for that matter at the moment. I don't even know people that know people right now.

One more semester. 14 more weeks, give or take a few days. I'm not even on the 365 bandwagon anymore to take pictures to document all of this life turmoil. I think that if I could pick a picture for what I see coming up ahead it would be a parachuter without a parachute... but who knows... maybe God is asking me to "find my wings" or something figure of speech like that. I definitely need to spend more time with Him though. I have not been spending as much time with Him lately and the lack of it is palpable.

Prince Caspian is coming to mind... the cliff... the older siblings not being able to see Azlan... the struggle in the sepluchre... and to draw from another book I enjoy... about being childlike and seeing with the eyes of a child...

Even today, in church, at the church I grew up going to, and that I went to this break because it was convenient, even though I still do not agree with the agenda of the preacher, and can't even follow half of what he says because it is like an hour long monologue of bunny trails... I still heard some truth in what he said, even just a small part of it... when he said something about how the things of God are foolishness to man... and I thought, "If only you knew"... and I can't even get myself to see some of what God has done in my own life and see the sense in it... although maybe sometimes everything does not have to make sense... we live in a world where people are caught up in make-believe... and we can't even believe the real... mostly because sometimes it seems like make-believe when it is real... OK... now I'm the one going on a rabbit trail... but my point is... I still have no idea what this year holds... I know that I just have to trust God... and I have to start doing things to continue to draw close to Him.

And if you got to this point in this long-winded-somewhat-pessimistic rambling of mine I'm not sure whether to thank you for reading or apologize that you had to read through all that... Even if no one reads it, I needed to write, and sort of vent, sort of get my thoughts out of my head and onto this sounding board that this blog kind of is, even if it doesn't get read.

2008-12-25T18:40:00.001-08:00

I'm frustrated. That's the end of my thought for tonight. I'm just plain frustrated. Many things have gone into this frustration that I would rather not expound upon here. Blargh....

2008-12-23T12:59:00.001-08:00

If this is the season of peace and love and celebrating the birth of our Savior, why can't we get over ourselves and ourselves and the bickering with each other and spend the holiday as a family? So much for spending time as a family, bringing sibs together and all that jazz. So much for peace. All I have to say is "Bah humbug!"

2008-12-19T18:42:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. I'm still not sure what this point system thing on here is. Oh well. I'm heading out tomorrow morning. I have to trek my bike all the way across campus to put it in storage since my RD wasn't nice enough to allow it to stay somewhere in this building, since the building doesn't have anything that is designated as "student storage". Sorry, but I think that is just bs. Sometimes I just get the feeling she doesn't like me in the least. And I'm not sure why.

Anyway... I'm going to bed now. I've packed up some stuff to add to the already large load in my car (just a warning Mom & Dad!) but some of this stuff is actually coming back with me. I just want to bring it for the sake of having fun. I just am praying that the highways are in better shape than this campus! The place was an ice rink all day... a slushy one, but still decently slick. I think if it's going to be plowed they could at least plow it properly... all the way down to something that can give you a bit of friction... but no... instead we get an inch of the icy pellet slush left on the sidewalks only to freeze in the evening and make coming back to my dorm an adventure in itself. So.... yeah... I have the Nintendo, the Zappers, and the Power Glove with me to take home for break... along with a few other geeky items... I'm finding myself becoming more and more geeky lately... or maybe just expressing it more... I don't know...

Alright, I'm finally going to bed! This is the second night in a row that I haven't felt so awesome when it's gotten to evening... tonight I've felt kind of dizzy... I don't think the lack of nutrition in todays food helped... End of the semester Sodexho is just plain weird... OK... off to sleep and charge my phone...

2008-12-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

Working on my paper that is due today. I also have a final in Disciple Making Structures this afternoon, and a group presentation in OT Book. Lovely. At least all I have to do for the presentation is make my Power Point actually start immediately after I hit play on the music that is to go along with it. I blame it on the .wav file extension.

For now, I'm going to work for an hour, and then working on my paper for an hour before class, going to class to listen to the presentations there, then lunch, then working on my paper for another hour-ish, and then going to class to take the final, and then the other class for the presentation.

And tonight, I start my term paper.

Oh procrastination, how I hate you....

Merry Christmas Domo

2008-12-09T10:52:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas
Originally uploaded by Dustin Diaz

Awesome pic of Domo in a Christmas outfit... Yes, I think I like this little guy way too much, but he's just so cute! Maybe you don't see it. He's the awkwardly cute Japanese television mascot.

2008-12-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

I am very frustrated right now. Mostly with myself and my lack of ability to focus on getting this very long paper written. I don't know what I'm doing, or in what order I'm doing it. I'm supposed to have a Lit. Review. Do I know what that is? Sort of, but not really. I'm probably making this whole process a lot harder than it has to be. This is the last week. This is all the chance I've got to get this thing out and put down on paper and get it done. For everything from this semester. Every project that I have to get done. That and I have another project I should have done tomorrow, but don't have done yet, coz I've been focusing on this paper that I haven't really focused on as much as I should have this semester. And I'm still having trouble focusing on it.

Where do I go in a paper on the effects of social networking on teenagers and their relationships in their offline life?

2008-12-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

Way too much caffeine consumed this evening... yes, evening. Not a good idea. Thus it is almost 1am and I have to get up at 7:30am and I am still awake. Why???? I don't think sometimes...

On the note of not thinking, my roommate came to me this evening, after having dropped her cell phone in the tub, to see if I could get the back off her phone, coz it would not come off now, and every other time it would come off immediately upon landing. Well, I tried opening it with a screwdriver but that wouldn't fit. So I tried the knife on my utility tool. Well, it popped the back off the cell phone, and also ran across my thumb by my nail. Enough to draw a bit of blood, but that doesn't take much to make me light headed. It really wasn't any worse than what Missy (one of our cats at home) can do to me when I catch her at a really bad time and she claws me. But it was enough to make me wrap my thumb in toilet paper and lay down in bed with my feet up on the slats at the end of the bed and my hand up in the air for a few minutes.

Anyway... I have yet to make it through a decent portion of my term paper, and it's driving me nuts. But I feel like I have writer's block, which is not a good thing when it comes to something this large with such an impending deadline.

I think I updated on the housing news already.... right?

I don't have much else to say right now. I think the caffeine is finally starting to wear off some, so I'm going to go to bed here soon. I just can't believe that there's only two more weeks before going home for Christmas break! I am excited, but also nervous about all my final projects, since I have more of those than finnals...

Random Dell Laptop dreaming...

2008-12-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

This is me being a geek, and looking on Dell's site at the specs of the computers and going through and seeing how I would build a computer. Since I don't have anything else to post on right now, I'm posting the specs of this "dream build", since I can't afford a new laptop until I get out of college and get a real job. Who knows when that will be. So, yeah.... here are the specs just for kicks. For some reason the price range on this one turned out a lot higher than it has when I have gone through the build process before, but the fact that Dell can't keep prices the same from week to week and always are adding new stuff, and in fact just added a lot of stuff to the process, it somehow turned out higher. That's even more than I would probably be willing to pay, even if I had the money for it. But for now, it's just a "dream build" and some thing I want in a computer once I can afford one.

Congratulations! Your system is ready to be built.

We have some recommendations for you highlighted in green below.

My Components
SYSTEM COLOR	Tuxedo Black	edit
PROCESSOR	Intel® Core™ 2 Duo Processor T8100 (2.1GHz/800Mhz FSB, 3MB Cache)	edit
OPERATING SYSTEM	Genuine Windows Vista® Home Premium Edition SP1, 64-bit	edit
LCD AND CAMERA	High Resolution, glossy widescreen 15.4 inch LCD(1440x900) & 2MP Camera	edit
MEMORY	4GB Shared Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 667MHz (2 Dimms)	edit
HARD DRIVE	Size: 320GB 5400rpm SATA Hard Drive	edit
INTERNAL OPTICAL DRIVE	Slot Load DVD+/-RW (DVD/CD read/write)	edit
VIDEO CARD	128MB NVIDIA® GeForce® 8400M GS	edit
WIRELESS CARDS	Dell Wireless 1395 802.11g Mini Card	edit
BATTERY OPTIONS	56 WHr 6-cell Lithium Ion Primary Battery	edit
SOUND OPTIONS	High Definition Audio 2.0	edit
FINGERPRINT SCANNER	Finger Print Reader XPS M1530	edit
My Software & Accessories
INSPIRON MINI 9	Inspiron Mini 9	edit
INTEGRATED WEBCAM	No Camera Option	edit
DATASAFE ONLINE BACKUP	Receive an E-mail for your Dell Remote Access	edit
OPERATING SYSTEM	Ubuntu Linux version 8.04.1	edit
HARD DRIVE	32GB Solid State Drive	edit
BLUETOOTH OPTIONS	Built-in Bluetooth 2.1 capability	edit
WARRANTY AND SERVICE	1Yr Ltd Warranty and Mail-In Service	edit
MEMORY	1GB DDR2 at 533MHz	edit
SYSTEM COLOR	Obsidian Black	edit
ANTIVIRUS SOFTWARE	McAfee SecurityCenter with anti-virus, anti-spyware, firewall, 24-months	edit
PRODUCTIVITY SOFTWARE	No Microsoft Office	edit
DESIGNED FOR DELL BAGS	Swissgear Austin 15.4" Backpack Tangarine Orange	edit
DESIGNED FOR DELL MICE	Logitech V450 Nano Laser Cordless Mouse - Spring Green	edit
DESIGNED FOR DELL STORAGE	Plum Purple 250GB eGo II USB 2.0 Portable Hard Drive	edit
POWER & DOCKING	4-Port Hi-Speed USB 2.0 Pocket Hub & Travel Surge Protector Bundle	edit
My Service
WARRANTY AND SERVICE	2Yr Ltd Hardware Warranty, InHome Service after Remote Diagnosis	edit
DATASAFE ONLINE BACKUP	Dell Online Backup 2GB for 1 year	edit
ENVIRONMENTAL OPTIONS	Free Recycling Kit	edit
REMOTE ACCESS	Receive an E-mail for your Dell Remote Access	edit
ALSO INCLUDED WITH YOUR SYSTEM
BLUETOOTH AND WIRELESS USB	Dell Wireless 355 Bluetooth Internal (2.0+Enhanced Data Rate)
Dell Printer Driver	Windows Vista™ Premium
Software - Adobe	Adobe® Acrobat® Reader 9.0
Processor Branding	Intel Core 2 Duo Processor
Doms Camera and Color	High Resolution,Black glossy widescreen 15.4 inch LCD(1440x900)&2MP Cam
Miscellaneous	Thank you Your Member Discount has been applied
DIAL-UP INTERNET ACCESS	No ISP requested

2008-12-04T14:49:00.000-08:00

I'm giving up for today and staying in my room. Falling on the ice on the sidewalk in front of the house was not too encouraging today. My roomie from last year, Lydia, was quite encouraging to me today. I will be rooming with our other roommate from last year, Lyndee, in the new dorm. My RD thinks I am a complete and utter slob... or at least that's the impression I get from her. That or a liar. I keep assuring her that I will take things home over Christmas break. She couldn't believe that I had only been home twice this semester. I thought she knew where I live and how long it takes to get there... I guess not. I don't know. I feel like everything is going badly right now... like anything I do gets so messed up. I just hope that I can make it out of this semester academically still alive.

2008-11-30T19:05:00.001-08:00

So, aside from Bethel Housing Horrors....

Thanksgiving break was really good. The time at home was not long enough. Time with family was much needed. Thanksgiving day was fun. Some people got miffed at small things, but that's normal, and somewhat funny... Played the "You Might Be a Redneck..." game that my brother brought over... Apparently, he is quite the redneck... And I also was able to answer some of the questions correctly by first thinking about which of the answers my brother would actually do....

The drive back today was long and visually challenging at points. It started out just gray and cold. Once I got past Indy the fog was so thick that I could only see about a tenth of a mile... and I figured that since I was going 60mph, and when a sign would pop out of the fog I counted how long until I passed it... which was between 9-12 seconds or so... It wasn't as bad as when I went down last year and couldn't see past the hood of my car for the fog...

Oh, and I finally found my missing phone charger... still plugged in to the wall here at school...

2008-11-30T17:25:00.000-08:00

I'm overwhelmed. I really don't want to be here these last three weeks. The housing situation has blown up. Bethel is frustrating me to no end. I can't find a strong enough word to express my frustration with them right now..... Ugh...

exhaustion

2008-11-24T18:39:00.000-08:00

I am tired and sore right now from the weekend at the Youth Specialties conference in Nashville. I got to see a bunch of great music artists, some really good speakers, and met a ton of people at the booths, and enjoyed a few good sessions, mostly relating technology and youth ministry.

I was able to hang out with my sis Mary on Saturday evening, while skipping a graduate get together that my prof said did not measure up to the recent years' events. I also got to meet her boyfriend, who will fit in quite well with the family.

I felt slightly out of place this weekend with the Bethel group. However I got to hang out with some of the Bethel people that I have not had classes with before, and got to know them. I roomed with Kelli, who Brandt has known since she was little when he was in Colorado. I also hung out with her and some of the guys that I didn't know that well before.

One hard thing about this weekend was walking all over the place. Lately, I don't know why, but my legs have been hurting below my knees on the outer side down to my ankles when I walk a while. Even getting across campus lately has been pretty painful. I don't know if it's because I probably haven't been drinking enough water, or if it's just because I'm out of shape (although I usually don't have leg pain even though I've been out of shape for a while), or what. Maybe I just need more potassium and should just eat more bananas than I do... (most of my bananas I get from the Acorn go bad before I get to them.) Anyway... I was walking slow all weekend because of that and had to keep telling those that I was walking with to slow down and wait for me. It was funny because one of the speakers talked about his son walking slowly while he always walked fast, so his son created a club called "the slow club. Basically he was talking about slowing down to notice things. Then later he had on this shirt that said "I'm in the slow club". We joked that I needed one of those shirts. It was interesting last night when we were heading back to the hotel to get our stuff and load it on the bus. I was walking back behind and Geoff and David V. were back behind me, and I could hardly breathe from trying to keep up with everyone, and trying not to cry from my legs aching so bad. I ended up stopping for a minute while everyone up ahead turned around, but then Kelli and Dave Pepin were trying to get everyone to go at my pace. I finally got over to the hotel and got some of the guys to help me get all my stuff to the bus... believe me, after a YS convention, you have a lot more stuff to take home than you came with... I got three bags from there, a dozen t-shirts, and a lot of hand outs and DVD's and some books, some stickers, and a few buttons to put on my bag. I had Shane & Shane sign my bag.

Anyway... I'm not used to what happened last night... other people advocating for me for something as simple as slowing down to keep pace with me. I want to figure out why my legs keep hurting when I walk longer distances and find out what I can do to make them stop hurting.

This weekend was not as much refreshment as I had hoped, but it was still somewhat refreshing spiritually.

I am going to get some sleep. The burdens of homework are still hanging heavy over me. I still just want to be done with this semester with grades enough to pass and get to the next one.

I am in need of grace in so many ways...

2008-11-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

Feeling like a failure. Almost literally. This is not good. I'm stressed. I can't focus. I need to focus. I need to get these things done. Too much stuff has been put off until the last minute. Or so it seems.

Small Group
Midweek revision
the graduate level paper for Senior Sem. that I haven't really started on because I am still looking for some good research for it...
Curriculums for Disciple Making Structures.

And then there's the YS trip this weekend that, right now, I'm not even sure I'm going to be able to go on, or if I really should go just for the amount of stuff that I have to be getting done.

I also am going home next week for Thanksgiving for about 4 days. There's only three weeks of school after that!

The end of the semester is coming up far too fast.

I guess that's what I get for procrastinating.

It's so hard to focus on anything right now. Reading, studying, writing papers... I just want them all to be over with and done. I am so ready to leave this place. But to go where afterwards? I don't know where I'm going to go when I graduate. Right now this campus is very lonely. Or it's just making me lonely. I'm really bad at making new friends, especially when most people I know already have their own groups of friends. I don't really fit in here anymore. On campus or even at my church. The college group just lost its leader, because he moved to a new church to do some pastoral work there. Which is a good thing for him. But the college group that I have been going to for the last three years has mostly graduated or moved away. These days I just get up and shower and go to regular service. I don't feel like getting up before 8am because I'm usually up until midnight or after trying to work on stuff or whatever. Being stressed mentally and emotionally doesn't help anything.

So, here I am, feeling like it's gonna be a crash & burn kind of landing...

The End Is Near, But Not Near Enough

2008-11-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

I'm ready to get out of here.

I feel stuck...

Oh, senioritis....

2008-11-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

The semester is getting stressful.

I didn't really want to crawl out of bed and get out in the icky cold and slushy weather today to go to church, but I did anyway. During worship at church one of the pastors came up and talked about fear, and how God wanted us to put off fear for His joy. It was good to go up front and have friends pray for me... and then stomp on the cloak of fear. Fear of this lack of finances, of not knowing what I'm going to do in a few months after I graduate. Fear is debilitating and keeps us from the JOY that God has for us.

Today was not a complete cure for the fears we face. It's an everyday thing, throwing off that cloak of fear (or any other bondage that the enemy would try to put us under). Today was an encouragement.

Raising Financial Support

2008-11-05T11:47:00.001-08:00

OK, So I am supposed to be going to a Youth Specialties conference in Nashville, TN the weekend before Thanksgiving. I am trying to raise support through a sort of non-conventional method... the internet. This is for the experience, to gain knowledge of youth ministry stuff like programs, ideas for youth groups, etc. Hopefully I can find some seminars relating to technology and youth. Anyway, down below you will see a widget from a site called "Chip In". It is a place where you can donate money to my PayPal account and help me to reach my goal of $350 for the cost of the registration/hotel/food. This is a very discounted price compaired to what some other college students are having to pay for this trip! So if you know me, or you just stumble across my blog here, and feel like donating something towards this to support me on this trip, thank you!

2008-10-31T20:13:00.001-07:00

The last week has been insane... busy, stressful, exhausting... mostly just because of classes and homework and just being generally tired lately.

Today was Free Burrito Day at Chipotle. I worked this evening from 5pm-9pm so I went there after I got off work before they closed. I had some foil wrapped around my wrist as a bracelet to get my free burrito. It was yummy. I didn't eat all of it either. Those things are massive. I also got chips and a drink just because I didn't want to just go in and get a burrito and that be it. I wanted to provide them with some business at least.

Tomorrow I am going to be at Notre Dame for most of the day filling in at a concession stand for one of my friends. It's an opportunity to be on campus during a home game, and to make some money... which is good since I have some bills to pay off.

Alright... I think I'm going to bed soon... I'm beat...

2008-10-23T18:14:00.000-07:00

It seems that my room is like by brain... all scattered and disorganzed with no clue where to put everything...

I need to get to cleaning my room so I can think.... The problem is I tend to not be in my room much, except to sleep... although there are probably times where I could not be on the computer and instead get my room organized. I have to before next week... we have health checks late next week.

This Saturday is the Saturday Seminar. I'll be spending all day in 342.

The end of the semester is coming up fast. I feel unprepared. And although going home was good for me last week, I feel slightly out of touch with what I need to get done now that there are almost less than seven weeks left in the semester. And I have a lot left to do.

I'm currently working on some homework that I need to get done. I want to try to go to bed early tonight.... I haven't worked out since before last week, and I need to get enough sleep so I can go. I've been lacking in sleep, and my eyes have been dry and bloodshot because of that. The air has also been getting cold and dry, which hasn't helped, especially when riding my bike around campus. It seems though that since going home and having come back, with actually starting to exercise and change some of my eating habits, and trying to only drink diet soda if i drink soda, I am noticing some change in my weight. That is very encouraging. Either that, or my jeans need washed coz they're stretched out from wearing them... I'm not sure which...

On to the homework...

2008-10-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

Loans.

I need them to get through school.

I can't get them... for whatever reason...

I am being hounded by the college to get loans through.

I am going to try to go talk to the financial aid people tomorrow to figure out what i need to do.

And, I just applied for another loan and it went through, and I just have to wait for it to come in the mail to sign it and send it back.

Hopefully I still graduate in the spring...