Whoa
I'm definitely sure,
That I'm not sure.
Whoa
Sittin' on the corner of Nowhere Road.
Just between "I wish I could" and "I don't know".
Rain is splashing up between her toes
She doesn't know her own area code
She's the picture of a heart of gold.
On the edge of depression unknown.
And the picture of the wrong I wrote.
Now it's too late for a fight or fold.
Now she's lookin' at me to know.
My faucets runnin
And my car got towed.
I'm sure about it.
I'm definitely sure
That I do surely doubt it
I wish that I could say
That I was sure about it.
I'm definitely sure, that I'm not sure.
Whoa.
Did you see the man with the cocaine load?
It's on sale for the price of your soul
And the man with a long trench coat
Wish I could hide in a big black hole.
Sell you all your pain ten fold.
And you're crawling down a long, wrong road.
Fitted for the box they mold
All you're missing is a heart they stole.
They're lookin' at me to know.
My heart is pumpin' and my feet got cold.
I'm sure about it.
I'm definitely sure,
That I do surely doubt it
I wish that I could say
That I was sure about it.
But I'm definitely sure,
That I'm not sure.
Yeah.
I'm definitely sure,
That I'm not
Yeah
Sure.
I'm sure that I'm not
Two, Three, Four
Cause I'm sure about it
I'm definitely sure that
I do surely doubt it
I wish that I could say that I was sure about it
But I'm definitely sure that I'm not sure
I wish that I could say that I was sure
But I'm definitely sure that I'm not sure
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Workin' at a Bar
My brother Guy has just opened up a bar & grill called Two Whelan's Bar & Grill, with his wife Dot. My parents and I came up for the grand opening on Wednesday, St. Patty's Day (because we love our Irish roots and what better day for the grand opening of a bar!) Anyway, Guy is going back to work at his job in Evansville on Monday. So Dad asked them if they would want me to come help them at the bar, since I haven't been able to find something admin/clerical or anything. They were pretty excited. Especially Dot! Because otherwise she would be here by herself through the week. And that would pretty much stink. It has been pretty busy even though they've not advertised at all, only by word of mouth.
So I drove up yesterday morning and started working on the grill/fryer and whatever else. It's a lot to learn, and the timing with all the burgers and fried items is difficult to get correct right now (it's a learn as you go process for all of us). Guy did say that I was catching on pretty quickly with the grill. I even mixed a couple of drinks for a few people. Tried my hand at pouring beer from the tap, too. I'll probably be getting my liquor license sometime soon too.
It's definitely going to be a hard job. With being on my feet all day and going back and forth from one end of the building to the other, frying/grilling, keeping up with all the orders and everything.
I think it will be rewarding though. I will be able to spend time with Guy and Dot. They are graciously allowing me to stay in their apartment with them. I am so thankful for this. That also means I'll be able to help them out with the remodeling of the apartment once we all get in the flow of things. They have been overwhelmed with all that it takes to run the bar so there hasn't been a lot of time for working on the apartment. I think one other rewarding thing will be just meeting people and ministering to them, even if it's only being a kind person to them. Dot was telling us the other day that part of their mission with the bar is to minister to people. It's a good place for it!
I went to Wal-Mart in Owensboro, KY today. I didn't have much trouble finding it. I did miss my turn off at one point and tried to turn around, but ended up on a Parkway. Kind of like an Interstate. A long road, posted at 70 MPH, with very few exits. The next one was 25 miles away. No way was I going to do that. So I found a spot before one of the little bridges over a creek, and I waited for one where there was no one behind me, and no one coming, and I pulled a U-ey. It wasn't at one of the spots with the sign telling people it was not allowed. So.... yeah. Anyway, I got back on the road and hit the right exits that time and got to Wal-Mart. I found an area rug for cheaper than the ones they listed on their website, a 5'x7' for only $20. Also found a floor lamp for under $10. Both the lamp and the area rug are black. Just simple black. I didn't want a green or blue rug, and I think the lamps only came in black. I also got Glade Plug-In air freshener, and a couple of those Renuzit Odor Eliminator gel things, because the building is over 100 years old and smells like it. I like the scent of the Odor Eliminator things. I don't know what the scent is, but it's the one that says "odor eliminator" or something like that. Anyway, it's a spicy sort of scent that I remember from when I was a kid. So apparently those have been around a while. But I like them a lot. Strange, I know.
Anyway, I am probably going to find something else to do. Probably relax or something. Guy and Dot went to their other place to do laundry for the bar. Oh, the rug, it went partly under the air mattress and partly out, so the mattress doesn't squeak on the cardboard under it (since the floor is currently just pressboard), and so I can have a little something to land on in the morning to get up, instead of trying to get up without touching the pressboard, just coz it looks kinda blah and I don't want to touch it...
I should take a broom to the cobwebs up on the ceiling that are dangling precariously over my bed. Ugh! Not that my room at home was any better. I don't think they hung down as much at home. Unless you look at the ceiling from the low part to the high part. From my side it doesn't look bad at home. lol. All about perspective.
OK, I'm gonna find something to do that doesn't stress my back out. I used the thing Guy and Dot have to stretch your back out last night. It like turns you upside down and lets your body weight stretch your back out and readjust yourself as you relax while hanging upside down. I had such vertigo on it even when I wasn't going anywhere!! We couldn't get my height right for me to be able to raise my arms and let it go back like it's supposed to. So Guy had to tilt it over. I was kind of freaking out, since going backwards and upside down are two things I generally avoid doing. It did help though. Now I just need someone to punch me in the back on my left shoulder blade. That muscle back there has been hurting like crazy, I think from how I was laying last night. But I'm generally stiff. I did get some more ibuprofen since I left the bottle at home in the cabinet, like a dummy. Oh well. May not have to buy another bottle for a while if I can get that one after this one's gone. Could take a while. Maybe not though!!
So I drove up yesterday morning and started working on the grill/fryer and whatever else. It's a lot to learn, and the timing with all the burgers and fried items is difficult to get correct right now (it's a learn as you go process for all of us). Guy did say that I was catching on pretty quickly with the grill. I even mixed a couple of drinks for a few people. Tried my hand at pouring beer from the tap, too. I'll probably be getting my liquor license sometime soon too.
It's definitely going to be a hard job. With being on my feet all day and going back and forth from one end of the building to the other, frying/grilling, keeping up with all the orders and everything.
I think it will be rewarding though. I will be able to spend time with Guy and Dot. They are graciously allowing me to stay in their apartment with them. I am so thankful for this. That also means I'll be able to help them out with the remodeling of the apartment once we all get in the flow of things. They have been overwhelmed with all that it takes to run the bar so there hasn't been a lot of time for working on the apartment. I think one other rewarding thing will be just meeting people and ministering to them, even if it's only being a kind person to them. Dot was telling us the other day that part of their mission with the bar is to minister to people. It's a good place for it!
I went to Wal-Mart in Owensboro, KY today. I didn't have much trouble finding it. I did miss my turn off at one point and tried to turn around, but ended up on a Parkway. Kind of like an Interstate. A long road, posted at 70 MPH, with very few exits. The next one was 25 miles away. No way was I going to do that. So I found a spot before one of the little bridges over a creek, and I waited for one where there was no one behind me, and no one coming, and I pulled a U-ey. It wasn't at one of the spots with the sign telling people it was not allowed. So.... yeah. Anyway, I got back on the road and hit the right exits that time and got to Wal-Mart. I found an area rug for cheaper than the ones they listed on their website, a 5'x7' for only $20. Also found a floor lamp for under $10. Both the lamp and the area rug are black. Just simple black. I didn't want a green or blue rug, and I think the lamps only came in black. I also got Glade Plug-In air freshener, and a couple of those Renuzit Odor Eliminator gel things, because the building is over 100 years old and smells like it. I like the scent of the Odor Eliminator things. I don't know what the scent is, but it's the one that says "odor eliminator" or something like that. Anyway, it's a spicy sort of scent that I remember from when I was a kid. So apparently those have been around a while. But I like them a lot. Strange, I know.
Anyway, I am probably going to find something else to do. Probably relax or something. Guy and Dot went to their other place to do laundry for the bar. Oh, the rug, it went partly under the air mattress and partly out, so the mattress doesn't squeak on the cardboard under it (since the floor is currently just pressboard), and so I can have a little something to land on in the morning to get up, instead of trying to get up without touching the pressboard, just coz it looks kinda blah and I don't want to touch it...
I should take a broom to the cobwebs up on the ceiling that are dangling precariously over my bed. Ugh! Not that my room at home was any better. I don't think they hung down as much at home. Unless you look at the ceiling from the low part to the high part. From my side it doesn't look bad at home. lol. All about perspective.
OK, I'm gonna find something to do that doesn't stress my back out. I used the thing Guy and Dot have to stretch your back out last night. It like turns you upside down and lets your body weight stretch your back out and readjust yourself as you relax while hanging upside down. I had such vertigo on it even when I wasn't going anywhere!! We couldn't get my height right for me to be able to raise my arms and let it go back like it's supposed to. So Guy had to tilt it over. I was kind of freaking out, since going backwards and upside down are two things I generally avoid doing. It did help though. Now I just need someone to punch me in the back on my left shoulder blade. That muscle back there has been hurting like crazy, I think from how I was laying last night. But I'm generally stiff. I did get some more ibuprofen since I left the bottle at home in the cabinet, like a dummy. Oh well. May not have to buy another bottle for a while if I can get that one after this one's gone. Could take a while. Maybe not though!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Just Press Play ► Repeat.
This is how my life feels right now....
U2 - Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of
I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
'Cause tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see
You are such a fool
To worry like you do.. Oh
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh lord look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant gt out of it
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass
U2 - Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of
I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
'Cause tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see
You are such a fool
To worry like you do.. Oh
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh lord look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant gt out of it
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass
Friday, March 12, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Done
My trial run at Computers Plus has ended. And so has my prospect for work there. Apparently I was too slow for them, did not know enough of the terminology of things (though I do know what things are and the difference between them I do lack the jargon for many things), and being blunt when asking for the tape. I'm not sure why my asking bluntly for the tape, which the one tech liked to keep at his end of the bench "rubbed the manager the wrong way" but it did. But might I also mention it was at the end of the day when everyone else was being short with me all day, and I was annoyed with it. So they let me go because I bluntly asked for the tape. And yet that other tech that they have kept on for the last year and a half cusses up a storm, calls customers "M*F*Idiots", complains about the CEO of the company, and sounds like he's annoyed (which he is) at every customer he talks to.
Needless to say, I am bummed that I'm going to be back out looking for a job again. But that place was not the most healthy work environment around. It provided enough money for me to afford the gas for my car to get back and forth to E-ville to look for a job again. I'm still not sure what I'm to do about the loan companies on my back. That is so stressful it's not funny.
When I walked out of the store this morning after being told they decided that I was not experienced enough for them (which makes me wonder how in the world someone at entry level is supposed to get experience) I went out to my car, obviously crying, and got in and started my car. I always have K-LOVE playing on the radio, and when my radio came on the one song that keeps following me when things like this happen... (which seem to happen far too often, like getting the short end of the stick too many times [story of my life])..... "Blessed Be Your Name" by Tree 63 was on. I cried more. Anyway... I'm back to looking for a job. I really wish that something would work out and I could find a place where I can work. Seriously, what's my problem with this?
Needless to say, I am bummed that I'm going to be back out looking for a job again. But that place was not the most healthy work environment around. It provided enough money for me to afford the gas for my car to get back and forth to E-ville to look for a job again. I'm still not sure what I'm to do about the loan companies on my back. That is so stressful it's not funny.
When I walked out of the store this morning after being told they decided that I was not experienced enough for them (which makes me wonder how in the world someone at entry level is supposed to get experience) I went out to my car, obviously crying, and got in and started my car. I always have K-LOVE playing on the radio, and when my radio came on the one song that keeps following me when things like this happen... (which seem to happen far too often, like getting the short end of the stick too many times [story of my life])..... "Blessed Be Your Name" by Tree 63 was on. I cried more. Anyway... I'm back to looking for a job. I really wish that something would work out and I could find a place where I can work. Seriously, what's my problem with this?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
So i finally have a job....
Currently I'm working at a computer shop in Evansville as a technician. I am in a trial period right now which means that I have a couple weeks before they decide whether or not they want to keep me. It seems they have a high turn over rate of technicians. I am just praying that I learn things fast enough that they will want to keep me around a while.
I was asked my first day if I was a cynic. I said I can be sometimes. I was told it wasn't a trick question, but that if I wasn't already a cynic I would be from working there.
Everyone there knows that I am a Christian. I was talking with one of my co-workers and I mentioned that I'd gone to school for youth ministry. My other co-workers were then told to lighten up on the cursing because I am a Christian. It bothers me some that they curse, but I'm used to it mostly. It comes with the territory in a secular world when working with computers. I just wish they would not take the Lord's name in vain, which tends to happen pretty regularly.
All in all I think they're a good bunch of people, even if mostly cynical from being in the business of trying to satisfy people and make them happy. It's really hard to satisfy people. Especially when dealing with their computers.
Anyway.... pray that things go well for me there. I'd like to keep working on computers for a while. Even if I don't really have much vision for the long term right now... computers are a good fall back. I'm still learning a lot. Even with what I know, I've known that I need to know more. That always gets me. I always need to know more...
Aside from that, I stayed home today because when I got up this morning the roads didn't look so good for traveling on half an hour into town. Being home, I was here to receive another call from Chase Bank. They are really getting on my nerves. I applied for forbearance. They told me today that it was denied because I have no way of paying off my loan. Ummm yeah, that is why I was applying for the forbearance. Well they expect students to have a job 6 months after graduating. Have they even seen the economy? People who have experience can't even get jobs right now. I ask if I get a job if they will take money out of my paycheck. The guy asks if I mean my boss will take money from my paycheck. Obviously not listening to what I was saying. He never did answer my question. I just don't understand why they want a person to have a job before they allow them time to get a job or anything. He told me that they can't let a person have that time of forbearance because they don't want to pay off their loan. I told him if I had had a job in the last 6 months I'd already be paying off my loan. He said some mumbo jumbo about Chase bank looking out for the financial security of its customers. I told him to keep on lying to himself coz that's what he's doing. I don't know about the people who work there at Chase but on the phone with their spiels they give they sound like complete morons. Repeating the same garbage over and over again and not even listening when I tell them I have not had the resources to pay them back. My mom said it right this evening: It's like selling your soul to the devil. JP Morgan Chase Bank is a minion of darkness. I think I would have an easier time getting an extension from the mob than I am trying to get one with Chase. It's so frustrating. I'm frustrated. Frustrated, angry, at a loss of what to do. If I report to them that I have any kind of income what are they going to do? Are they going to scalp my paycheck every time? I was asked by the guy today if I'd done my taxes yet, because that would "free up hundreds of dollars". I informed him that it would not free up hundreds of dollars since I barely made $1,500 last year as a whole. They don't care about a person. Not about their financial situations. Not about the mental stress they are putting on the person. Or about how the person is able to deal with the mental stress. It's driving me insane.
Anyway... I need to go to bed. Gonna get up a little earlier and try to be on the road early in case the melting snow from the salt on the road has turned to ice. The temps dropped and the winds picked up, so the salt is useless now. Pray for my morning commute. I didn't go in today because of road conditions. I hope they're not worse in the morning. That would stink horribly.
I was asked my first day if I was a cynic. I said I can be sometimes. I was told it wasn't a trick question, but that if I wasn't already a cynic I would be from working there.
Everyone there knows that I am a Christian. I was talking with one of my co-workers and I mentioned that I'd gone to school for youth ministry. My other co-workers were then told to lighten up on the cursing because I am a Christian. It bothers me some that they curse, but I'm used to it mostly. It comes with the territory in a secular world when working with computers. I just wish they would not take the Lord's name in vain, which tends to happen pretty regularly.
All in all I think they're a good bunch of people, even if mostly cynical from being in the business of trying to satisfy people and make them happy. It's really hard to satisfy people. Especially when dealing with their computers.
Anyway.... pray that things go well for me there. I'd like to keep working on computers for a while. Even if I don't really have much vision for the long term right now... computers are a good fall back. I'm still learning a lot. Even with what I know, I've known that I need to know more. That always gets me. I always need to know more...
Aside from that, I stayed home today because when I got up this morning the roads didn't look so good for traveling on half an hour into town. Being home, I was here to receive another call from Chase Bank. They are really getting on my nerves. I applied for forbearance. They told me today that it was denied because I have no way of paying off my loan. Ummm yeah, that is why I was applying for the forbearance. Well they expect students to have a job 6 months after graduating. Have they even seen the economy? People who have experience can't even get jobs right now. I ask if I get a job if they will take money out of my paycheck. The guy asks if I mean my boss will take money from my paycheck. Obviously not listening to what I was saying. He never did answer my question. I just don't understand why they want a person to have a job before they allow them time to get a job or anything. He told me that they can't let a person have that time of forbearance because they don't want to pay off their loan. I told him if I had had a job in the last 6 months I'd already be paying off my loan. He said some mumbo jumbo about Chase bank looking out for the financial security of its customers. I told him to keep on lying to himself coz that's what he's doing. I don't know about the people who work there at Chase but on the phone with their spiels they give they sound like complete morons. Repeating the same garbage over and over again and not even listening when I tell them I have not had the resources to pay them back. My mom said it right this evening: It's like selling your soul to the devil. JP Morgan Chase Bank is a minion of darkness. I think I would have an easier time getting an extension from the mob than I am trying to get one with Chase. It's so frustrating. I'm frustrated. Frustrated, angry, at a loss of what to do. If I report to them that I have any kind of income what are they going to do? Are they going to scalp my paycheck every time? I was asked by the guy today if I'd done my taxes yet, because that would "free up hundreds of dollars". I informed him that it would not free up hundreds of dollars since I barely made $1,500 last year as a whole. They don't care about a person. Not about their financial situations. Not about the mental stress they are putting on the person. Or about how the person is able to deal with the mental stress. It's driving me insane.
Anyway... I need to go to bed. Gonna get up a little earlier and try to be on the road early in case the melting snow from the salt on the road has turned to ice. The temps dropped and the winds picked up, so the salt is useless now. Pray for my morning commute. I didn't go in today because of road conditions. I hope they're not worse in the morning. That would stink horribly.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
typical rambling while feeling frustrated and negative... blah.
meh. I don't like all these negative posts but negative is the way I've been feeling. I'm sitting up hoping that when I go to sleep I'm not woke up by the phone ringing in the morning to find Chase bank calling and harassing me about my past due balance on my loan. What I'd like to say to Chase: "Yes, I know it's past due. No I don't have the money to pay you. No, I can't borrow it from someone else. What? You want me to go into more debt with someone else just to pay you? Oh, you just want me not in debt to you, you don't care who else I'm in debt to?...." I don't know. That's basically the conversation I've been having. I can't think of any way to be nice. Angry. Frustrated. Peeved.
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of them. Talk about anxiety. I can't do anything about this situation right now. Even if I got a job two weeks ago it wouldn't help with any of this. They act like they're surprised when I tell them I haven't been able to pay them because I haven't gotten a job yet. Then the lady today goes and tells me to get a job at McDonald's or BK and I told her I tried, and the person who interviewed me at McD's saw that I'd worked with computers and decided I was overqualified to work there. They don't understand that if I'd had a job in the 6 months since their "grace period" started that I'd have been paying them. Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe I'm the stupid one. But I've been trying like crazy to get a job so I don't have to deal with all this crap and can have some peace.
Anyway, I went to a job interview today. I'm praying that I get it coz it's basically what I want to do right now, work on computers. It would be a great environment too. It sounded really positive. So please pray that it works out. I could really use something that works out for once...
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of them. Talk about anxiety. I can't do anything about this situation right now. Even if I got a job two weeks ago it wouldn't help with any of this. They act like they're surprised when I tell them I haven't been able to pay them because I haven't gotten a job yet. Then the lady today goes and tells me to get a job at McDonald's or BK and I told her I tried, and the person who interviewed me at McD's saw that I'd worked with computers and decided I was overqualified to work there. They don't understand that if I'd had a job in the 6 months since their "grace period" started that I'd have been paying them. Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe I'm the stupid one. But I've been trying like crazy to get a job so I don't have to deal with all this crap and can have some peace.
Anyway, I went to a job interview today. I'm praying that I get it coz it's basically what I want to do right now, work on computers. It would be a great environment too. It sounded really positive. So please pray that it works out. I could really use something that works out for once...
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