I read more blogs than I write. I don't really have many words right now. Still on the job hunt. Have been making the calls to put my loans into forbearance... whatever that means. It's funny how I kinda know a lot of stuff but have no clue what forbearance or deferment or anything related to these loans means. I also have no real desire to read very much on the terminology. I've called, I've got paperwork coming my way. It's kind of like riding a rollercoaster, for those who don't like them anyway, just hold on tight, tuck your head down, and wait for the ride to be over. Maybe if I got past the fear of being thrown off into oblivion it would be more fun or at least tolerable. Actually, I don't think loans or anything pertaining to them can be called pleasant or tolerable at all.

I've joined a book review site with the Thomas-Nelson publishing and am getting books to review. I get to choose a book, get it in the mail, read it, blog 200 words or more about it, and then pick another book. That's pretty exciting to me. Especially with not having a job right now, so that when I'm not scouring for places to apply at I can spend some time reading, which I have been very much avoiding? since college when I didn't have time to read for pleasure. I have Max Lucado's "Fearless" that I'm reading to review right now. The best part is I get to keep the books I pick out to review!

That is about the most exciting thing to happen lately. I had an interview last week, but have not heard anything since then. Not sure what to do about that. I feel fairly incompetent when it comes to the whole interview process stuff. I never feel very professional. I feel like I don't look professional, I'm not sure how to act professional. I have very limited resources which makes the mentality of the whole thing even more off kilter. It would be much easier if people didn't care what other people looked like, or if I didn't care so much what other people thought.

Anyway, it snowed here last night. That created black ice, which I can understand making driving somewhat hazardous. But by morning the schools and businesses were still delayed by at least one or two hours or had closed for the day. Coming back here from the South Bend area, it makes me question the sanity of those here. People don't know how to slow down or anything. But the half inch to 1 inch of snow we had was hardly enough to cover anything. Thus making it seem more like I am in a strange part of the country. I like snow. I don't enjoy having to drive in it, but it's possible to do so in more than one inch of snow. At Bethel one inch of snow was hardly something to blink at it seemed. And having snow all winter was quite enjoyable. Not the brownish greenish yucky blahness we have here. There's a magic to snow that winter here just doesn't have. I really am going to have to move to Sweden. Or maybe just north of here. I enjoy snow in winter too much.

Enough of my ramblings. It's getting late and I'm actually quite surprised I am still coherent enough to write.

*EDIT* For those that have asked, my blogging about the books will be right here on this blog, and also posted on a consumer review site of some sort. I will most likely use Amazon.com to post my reviews.

GAH!

Verizon is after my Dad for my phone bill since I haven't been able to pay anything on it since the middle of the summer.

Student loans are past due. Two of them are planning on each taking $104 out of my bank account on the 10th, which I don't have but about $25 in both checking and savings together.

I still have not found a job. I keep looking. But I either don't know where to look or just simply fail at looking for work. I don't know where to go to look for a job, or where to find people who are hiring. It seems that after the last failed application/interview that everything dried up where I had been applying through the local newspaper's spot on Yahoo's Hot Jobs site. It seems every time I've gone to Evansville to look for places the jobs are already taken or I can't even locate the building, even after looking on Google Maps before I leave home, and taking directions with me.

Also on the student loan things, the two of them that I talked to on the phone said I couldn't defer my loans for reason of unemployment but would have to get them put in forbearance. What the hey. I thought from the descriptions of the unemployment deferment I didn't have to still be enrolled anywhere to get it.

I don't know.

I feel like everything is crashing in on me right now financially. I don't have a job. Can't seem to find a job. The economy is horrible. Student loans are backing up. Verizon is making my Dad mad at me coz he thought I took care of them a while back. I don't know what to say to them or anything. They don't care that I don't have a job and can't find one.

I'd like to tell the banks where I got my loans from to have their CEO's pay off my debt... seeing as they are part of the major cause of the current economic crisis in the first place.

And how do people even find job listing? I don't subscribe to a newspaper. The Yahoo Hot Jobs that lists the postings from the Courier Press paper is about the only thing I know of to check for local listings of jobs. Where else do people look? Seriously, I don't know where else to look to hunt down a job. No one is interested in someone looking for clerical work who can't type 40WPM. Which I can't do. Not when I'm trying to look at something and read it and type at the same time. It's about like interpreting ASL for me... I can't get the hearing part to go into sign and the sign part to go into voice properly. Same thing. My brain just is not capable of that kind of multi-tasking. If I'm working on a computer to fix it I'm usually ok. Or at least used to be. I tend to not even do well with fixing computers as much these days since I haven't done it in a few months... Blah.

If I could just get a job testing video games I'd be set. Not that I can pwn noobs like others can. I don't program. I'm not an engineer. So I doubt that will ever happen....

A receptionist job, or secretary or something along those lines would be great.... meh.

I was prompted to write a new update. I haven't really had much to write about lately. Still on the job search. Sending out the resume. Trying to get my resume snail mail send-able. Still finding odd problems with it to work out. Feeling quite incapable of talking about myself in a way that will "sell" myself to a company.

I did sign up for a temp agency earlier this week and got a phone call this morning telling me I had an interview with them for a job at 10:30 Monday morning. So I'm going to just go to Wal-Mart at get some cheaper business apparel there since my Goodwill hunting the other day returned nothing. Are flats office appropriate? Like the ballet flats or something of that sort? Are TOMS office appropriate? I have nothing, or any idea of anything, to go with dark brown suede shoes though.

So... these are my current musings... Not sure of anything else to write about. Hoping that the interview on Monday tuns out to be a long term thing, as long as it has nothing to do with standing all day waving a super hot hot glue gun around and getting motion sick while walking in circles repeatedly to stick wires down or anything remotely related to that!

sleep deprived sort of

I went to work last night. I was checking the tape on a lever handle on a part. I was also checking to see if the metal tabs were properly bent instead of overly bent. I did 19 boxes of 16 parts each. My back and feet were hurting like crazy. I need some different work boots. Mine are too skinny at the toes. I just put up with it before, but anymore I think I need to get some different boots. I can't stand comfortably for 8+ hours a day in mine and not be in pain. Also, my fingers hurt from peeling the tape off of three boxes worth of things before I got a box cutter from a team leader to get the tape off easier. That I think sped things up a little. I had only gotten three boxes done before the first break, but averaged 5 boxes during each two hours after that. I only really went sort of slow because I was in so much pain from my shoes. I really haven't had to stand up all day since... well, a long time ago. Probably when I worked at McD's in 03 was I having to stand all day for work. Being at a desk for work and as a student these last 5 years have gotten me soft on standing a lot. Definitely need to get some shoes with a wider toe area. This is why I wear skate shoes. I like for my toes to have some room.

So... tonight I went in and found out they didn't have any work for us. I know that at least 5 of us were sent home. Probably more. Not sure. But it's basically based on how many parts they have to be inspected whether or not we work. And the day shift had apparently finished what we had, and they'd not received their next shipment yet. So, I get to sleep tonight.

Yesterday my body was a bit of a mess. I had gotten up at 8am and called in to the temp place at 9:30am. I then had to go up there at 1:30pm. So I was in town up there all day, from 1:30pm and I went to walmart, killed some time, got some dinner, went back to walmart to get something to take in for lunch and then left to go to work. By then I had already been up long enough, to have worked a day almost, and being in my car made me tired. So... I was struggling to stay awake and coherent for most of the night. I was actually thinking about how good bed would feel when I got home after work. I got off work at 3am and got home at 4am. I was in bed shortly after. I had felt sort of sick all night at work just coz of the lack of sleep and the pain my shoes were causing me. Amazing how much your whole body hurts when your feet and back hurt. Anyway... I got to bed around 4am, with a Missy laying on the foot of my bed. She got off not too long after I'd laid down coz my feet were cramping and I was trying to stretch them, as she was laying between my feet. At least she left room for me when she got on there before I did.

Anyway... going to go see if my bed is already occupied now... I need some sleep. I have to call tomorrow to see if I'll be needed at work. I got a paycheck today, apparently from the hour I was at the office for my filling out paperwork and stuff last week... My net pay was $9.05. They took out $8 for their drug test, which I passed in case any of you were wondering ;) and the state and county took out a few cents each. And I ended up with a check of $0.02. I had to laugh, it was just too funny. I know I'll be actually getting paid for the hours I worked last night, and whatever hours I work after this. But that was just funny to me.

OK... seriously going to bed now. Not sure when I'll get up. Hoping my nose doesn't bother me in the morning like it usually does. Goodnight world.

I have a job

OK, I know I haven't written in a while. I haven't felt like writing much since there hasn't really been that much going on. Anyway... last week I signed up at this place that hires people out to local factories, like the Toyota related factories mostly. It's basically a temp agency for factories. I called them today and found out that I can start tonight at a place that makes seats and doors for one of the locally produced models. So... I'm going in to second shift tonight! I don't know what to expect. I hope I can stay awake! I'm gonna go grab a BAWLS from the Casey's up the street if I have time maybe. I don't know what I'm going to be doing. I'll be going in to the temp office at 1:30 this afternoon. So hopefully I'll get some idea of what I'll be doing then. I've never worked on a factory line before. Never thought I'd ever be working on a factory line. But it's a job, and I need it. So, this means I will finally be getting a paycheck!!! Praise God!!

I don't know how they do training or anything. I'm not sure how much I'll be trained. I hope they train me! lol I think I can take one thing and put it on something else easily enough, but I hope that I get some instruction before I do it!!! I think I'm just afraid of screwing up.

I'm currently waiting on my jeans to wash and dry, which will be soon enough before I have to be over there. I'm nervous now!! Pray that it all goes well and I am awake enough to do my job tonight!!! I've never worked second shift before, but I am a night owl.

Where To Begin

I've not written for a while. Words seem scarce lately.

I've recently been getting back into wearing my Vibram Five Fingers (VFFs) - Yes, my goofy looking toe shoes.

I'm still on the hunt for a job. Put in some applications the other day. Looking for more places to apply to. Working on polishing my resume and creating cover letters. Am annoyed at having to try and write different cover letters for different businesses.

I'm trying to decipher what exactly business casual means/how I can build a business casual look on a budget/what kind of business casual clothes will actually fit me - both physically and style wise.

I'm tired of not being able to find clothes that fit me. I wish there were less traveled roads and an available Beach Cruiser bike I could use. Oh, and a helmet. I don't want to ride out here without a helmet.

I'm thankful for friends who are such a blessing even when I am undeserving.

I'm tired of looking for where to begin. Why is starting something the hardest part?

I'm currently waiting on laundry to get done, so I can get my jeans out, shower, and go get my tire fixed on my car. My rear driver's side tire has gone flat randomly ever since it got put on last year right as I left for Spring Break.

I'm going to be wearing my VFFs out today so I can walk around in them somewhere other than inside the house. Also planning on wearing them to the Kunstfest this weekend - a fairly decent sized German festival in New Harmony. I need to look for my change jar so I can get my favorite foods there - soft pretzels and apple cider! This festival is the signal that Fall is here for me. I wonder if the Ozark Pioneers will be there or if they are even still making music. I should Google them!

randomness.... just trying to get tired enough to fall asleep!

I've been sending my resume to different businesses I've found on Craigslist in the E-ville area today. Got one response this evening from one. They wanted me to pay for a background check on myself, and they would refund me at the "follow-up interview"... providing I ever got that far. So they want me to spend roughly $30 to give them info on me when they could reasonably look it up themselves? Umm... how about No. Gonna wait and see if anyone else responds to me. The Whirlpool factory here just decided they are shutting down and outsourcing to Mexico (why? they're all migrating up here to get jobs and we're sending our jobs down there? apparently that's cheaper for the company...) Anyway, the job finding places like Work One and others are pretty much getting swamped right now since whole families worked there. So, I'm just putting my resume out as many places as possible. I should probably send it to the Careeer Services at BC and see if they can give me any pointers on how to make it better.

This last weekend I went to church with my parents at their church. Yesterday the visiting pastor was telling us about his church, a Progressive Primitive Baptist Church. And they are "progressive" because? They have a piano. The whole musical instrument thing is a sore subject with PBCs. Why they don't allow instruments that God gave people the smarts to create and play to worship Him is beyond me. Denying people that just seems to me like it quenches the Spirit. But maybe that's just me. Can't tell anyone there otherwise anyway.

I guess that's why I ended up in a Assembly of God church while at college, which became my home church. Bring on the musical expression, dancing, even flag waving, speaking in tongues, raising hands in the air, and being loud in praising God!

Frankly if we can stand up and cheer and clap for a sports team or something, why not do it for God? It may sound silly, it may be silly, but shouldn't we shout our praise for our Savior? I'm not a loud person usually, but I think we should sometimes get loud in praising Jesus! lol What good are we if we just mumble our praise?! It's like mediocre. What's up with that?

Anyway... time to go to bed. I was going to post some random thoughts on songs... but I'm getting tired, after having written for a while and still not gotten anywhere, and my English skills are decreasing by the second, and I will not want to get up in the morning now, and I can hardly keep my eyes open... time to finish this run on sentence and get some sleep....