Done

My trial run at Computers Plus has ended. And so has my prospect for work there. Apparently I was too slow for them, did not know enough of the terminology of things (though I do know what things are and the difference between them I do lack the jargon for many things), and being blunt when asking for the tape. I'm not sure why my asking bluntly for the tape, which the one tech liked to keep at his end of the bench "rubbed the manager the wrong way" but it did. But might I also mention it was at the end of the day when everyone else was being short with me all day, and I was annoyed with it. So they let me go because I bluntly asked for the tape. And yet that other tech that they have kept on for the last year and a half cusses up a storm, calls customers "M*F*Idiots", complains about the CEO of the company, and sounds like he's annoyed (which he is) at every customer he talks to.

Needless to say, I am bummed that I'm going to be back out looking for a job again. But that place was not the most healthy work environment around. It provided enough money for me to afford the gas for my car to get back and forth to E-ville to look for a job again. I'm still not sure what I'm to do about the loan companies on my back. That is so stressful it's not funny.

When I walked out of the store this morning after being told they decided that I was not experienced enough for them (which makes me wonder how in the world someone at entry level is supposed to get experience) I went out to my car, obviously crying, and got in and started my car. I always have K-LOVE playing on the radio, and when my radio came on the one song that keeps following me when things like this happen... (which seem to happen far too often, like getting the short end of the stick too many times [story of my life])..... "Blessed Be Your Name" by Tree 63 was on. I cried more. Anyway... I'm back to looking for a job. I really wish that something would work out and I could find a place where I can work. Seriously, what's my problem with this?

So i finally have a job....

Currently I'm working at a computer shop in Evansville as a technician. I am in a trial period right now which means that I have a couple weeks before they decide whether or not they want to keep me. It seems they have a high turn over rate of technicians. I am just praying that I learn things fast enough that they will want to keep me around a while.

I was asked my first day if I was a cynic. I said I can be sometimes. I was told it wasn't a trick question, but that if I wasn't already a cynic I would be from working there.

Everyone there knows that I am a Christian. I was talking with one of my co-workers and I mentioned that I'd gone to school for youth ministry. My other co-workers were then told to lighten up on the cursing because I am a Christian. It bothers me some that they curse, but I'm used to it mostly. It comes with the territory in a secular world when working with computers. I just wish they would not take the Lord's name in vain, which tends to happen pretty regularly.

All in all I think they're a good bunch of people, even if mostly cynical from being in the business of trying to satisfy people and make them happy. It's really hard to satisfy people. Especially when dealing with their computers.

Anyway.... pray that things go well for me there. I'd like to keep working on computers for a while. Even if I don't really have much vision for the long term right now... computers are a good fall back. I'm still learning a lot. Even with what I know, I've known that I need to know more. That always gets me. I always need to know more...

Aside from that, I stayed home today because when I got up this morning the roads didn't look so good for traveling on half an hour into town. Being home, I was here to receive another call from Chase Bank. They are really getting on my nerves. I applied for forbearance. They told me today that it was denied because I have no way of paying off my loan. Ummm yeah, that is why I was applying for the forbearance. Well they expect students to have a job 6 months after graduating. Have they even seen the economy? People who have experience can't even get jobs right now. I ask if I get a job if they will take money out of my paycheck. The guy asks if I mean my boss will take money from my paycheck. Obviously not listening to what I was saying. He never did answer my question. I just don't understand why they want a person to have a job before they allow them time to get a job or anything. He told me that they can't let a person have that time of forbearance because they don't want to pay off their loan. I told him if I had had a job in the last 6 months I'd already be paying off my loan. He said some mumbo jumbo about Chase bank looking out for the financial security of its customers. I told him to keep on lying to himself coz that's what he's doing. I don't know about the people who work there at Chase but on the phone with their spiels they give they sound like complete morons. Repeating the same garbage over and over again and not even listening when I tell them I have not had the resources to pay them back. My mom said it right this evening: It's like selling your soul to the devil. JP Morgan Chase Bank is a minion of darkness. I think I would have an easier time getting an extension from the mob than I am trying to get one with Chase. It's so frustrating. I'm frustrated. Frustrated, angry, at a loss of what to do. If I report to them that I have any kind of income what are they going to do? Are they going to scalp my paycheck every time? I was asked by the guy today if I'd done my taxes yet, because that would "free up hundreds of dollars". I informed him that it would not free up hundreds of dollars since I barely made $1,500 last year as a whole. They don't care about a person. Not about their financial situations. Not about the mental stress they are putting on the person. Or about how the person is able to deal with the mental stress. It's driving me insane.

Anyway... I need to go to bed. Gonna get up a little earlier and try to be on the road early in case the melting snow from the salt on the road has turned to ice. The temps dropped and the winds picked up, so the salt is useless now. Pray for my morning commute. I didn't go in today because of road conditions. I hope they're not worse in the morning. That would stink horribly.

typical rambling while feeling frustrated and negative... blah.

meh. I don't like all these negative posts but negative is the way I've been feeling. I'm sitting up hoping that when I go to sleep I'm not woke up by the phone ringing in the morning to find Chase bank calling and harassing me about my past due balance on my loan. What I'd like to say to Chase: "Yes, I know it's past due. No I don't have the money to pay you. No, I can't borrow it from someone else. What? You want me to go into more debt with someone else just to pay you? Oh, you just want me not in debt to you, you don't care who else I'm in debt to?...." I don't know. That's basically the conversation I've been having. I can't think of any way to be nice. Angry. Frustrated. Peeved.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of them. Talk about anxiety. I can't do anything about this situation right now. Even if I got a job two weeks ago it wouldn't help with any of this. They act like they're surprised when I tell them I haven't been able to pay them because I haven't gotten a job yet. Then the lady today goes and tells me to get a job at McDonald's or BK and I told her I tried, and the person who interviewed me at McD's saw that I'd worked with computers and decided I was overqualified to work there. They don't understand that if I'd had a job in the 6 months since their "grace period" started that I'd have been paying them. Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe I'm the stupid one. But I've been trying like crazy to get a job so I don't have to deal with all this crap and can have some peace.

Anyway, I went to a job interview today. I'm praying that I get it coz it's basically what I want to do right now, work on computers. It would be a great environment too. It sounded really positive. So please pray that it works out. I could really use something that works out for once...

I read more blogs than I write. I don't really have many words right now. Still on the job hunt. Have been making the calls to put my loans into forbearance... whatever that means. It's funny how I kinda know a lot of stuff but have no clue what forbearance or deferment or anything related to these loans means. I also have no real desire to read very much on the terminology. I've called, I've got paperwork coming my way. It's kind of like riding a rollercoaster, for those who don't like them anyway, just hold on tight, tuck your head down, and wait for the ride to be over. Maybe if I got past the fear of being thrown off into oblivion it would be more fun or at least tolerable. Actually, I don't think loans or anything pertaining to them can be called pleasant or tolerable at all.

I've joined a book review site with the Thomas-Nelson publishing and am getting books to review. I get to choose a book, get it in the mail, read it, blog 200 words or more about it, and then pick another book. That's pretty exciting to me. Especially with not having a job right now, so that when I'm not scouring for places to apply at I can spend some time reading, which I have been very much avoiding? since college when I didn't have time to read for pleasure. I have Max Lucado's "Fearless" that I'm reading to review right now. The best part is I get to keep the books I pick out to review!

That is about the most exciting thing to happen lately. I had an interview last week, but have not heard anything since then. Not sure what to do about that. I feel fairly incompetent when it comes to the whole interview process stuff. I never feel very professional. I feel like I don't look professional, I'm not sure how to act professional. I have very limited resources which makes the mentality of the whole thing even more off kilter. It would be much easier if people didn't care what other people looked like, or if I didn't care so much what other people thought.

Anyway, it snowed here last night. That created black ice, which I can understand making driving somewhat hazardous. But by morning the schools and businesses were still delayed by at least one or two hours or had closed for the day. Coming back here from the South Bend area, it makes me question the sanity of those here. People don't know how to slow down or anything. But the half inch to 1 inch of snow we had was hardly enough to cover anything. Thus making it seem more like I am in a strange part of the country. I like snow. I don't enjoy having to drive in it, but it's possible to do so in more than one inch of snow. At Bethel one inch of snow was hardly something to blink at it seemed. And having snow all winter was quite enjoyable. Not the brownish greenish yucky blahness we have here. There's a magic to snow that winter here just doesn't have. I really am going to have to move to Sweden. Or maybe just north of here. I enjoy snow in winter too much.

Enough of my ramblings. It's getting late and I'm actually quite surprised I am still coherent enough to write.

*EDIT* For those that have asked, my blogging about the books will be right here on this blog, and also posted on a consumer review site of some sort. I will most likely use Amazon.com to post my reviews.

GAH!

Verizon is after my Dad for my phone bill since I haven't been able to pay anything on it since the middle of the summer.

Student loans are past due. Two of them are planning on each taking $104 out of my bank account on the 10th, which I don't have but about $25 in both checking and savings together.

I still have not found a job. I keep looking. But I either don't know where to look or just simply fail at looking for work. I don't know where to go to look for a job, or where to find people who are hiring. It seems that after the last failed application/interview that everything dried up where I had been applying through the local newspaper's spot on Yahoo's Hot Jobs site. It seems every time I've gone to Evansville to look for places the jobs are already taken or I can't even locate the building, even after looking on Google Maps before I leave home, and taking directions with me.

Also on the student loan things, the two of them that I talked to on the phone said I couldn't defer my loans for reason of unemployment but would have to get them put in forbearance. What the hey. I thought from the descriptions of the unemployment deferment I didn't have to still be enrolled anywhere to get it.

I don't know.

I feel like everything is crashing in on me right now financially. I don't have a job. Can't seem to find a job. The economy is horrible. Student loans are backing up. Verizon is making my Dad mad at me coz he thought I took care of them a while back. I don't know what to say to them or anything. They don't care that I don't have a job and can't find one.

I'd like to tell the banks where I got my loans from to have their CEO's pay off my debt... seeing as they are part of the major cause of the current economic crisis in the first place.

And how do people even find job listing? I don't subscribe to a newspaper. The Yahoo Hot Jobs that lists the postings from the Courier Press paper is about the only thing I know of to check for local listings of jobs. Where else do people look? Seriously, I don't know where else to look to hunt down a job. No one is interested in someone looking for clerical work who can't type 40WPM. Which I can't do. Not when I'm trying to look at something and read it and type at the same time. It's about like interpreting ASL for me... I can't get the hearing part to go into sign and the sign part to go into voice properly. Same thing. My brain just is not capable of that kind of multi-tasking. If I'm working on a computer to fix it I'm usually ok. Or at least used to be. I tend to not even do well with fixing computers as much these days since I haven't done it in a few months... Blah.

If I could just get a job testing video games I'd be set. Not that I can pwn noobs like others can. I don't program. I'm not an engineer. So I doubt that will ever happen....

A receptionist job, or secretary or something along those lines would be great.... meh.

I was prompted to write a new update. I haven't really had much to write about lately. Still on the job search. Sending out the resume. Trying to get my resume snail mail send-able. Still finding odd problems with it to work out. Feeling quite incapable of talking about myself in a way that will "sell" myself to a company.

I did sign up for a temp agency earlier this week and got a phone call this morning telling me I had an interview with them for a job at 10:30 Monday morning. So I'm going to just go to Wal-Mart at get some cheaper business apparel there since my Goodwill hunting the other day returned nothing. Are flats office appropriate? Like the ballet flats or something of that sort? Are TOMS office appropriate? I have nothing, or any idea of anything, to go with dark brown suede shoes though.

So... these are my current musings... Not sure of anything else to write about. Hoping that the interview on Monday tuns out to be a long term thing, as long as it has nothing to do with standing all day waving a super hot hot glue gun around and getting motion sick while walking in circles repeatedly to stick wires down or anything remotely related to that!

sleep deprived sort of

I went to work last night. I was checking the tape on a lever handle on a part. I was also checking to see if the metal tabs were properly bent instead of overly bent. I did 19 boxes of 16 parts each. My back and feet were hurting like crazy. I need some different work boots. Mine are too skinny at the toes. I just put up with it before, but anymore I think I need to get some different boots. I can't stand comfortably for 8+ hours a day in mine and not be in pain. Also, my fingers hurt from peeling the tape off of three boxes worth of things before I got a box cutter from a team leader to get the tape off easier. That I think sped things up a little. I had only gotten three boxes done before the first break, but averaged 5 boxes during each two hours after that. I only really went sort of slow because I was in so much pain from my shoes. I really haven't had to stand up all day since... well, a long time ago. Probably when I worked at McD's in 03 was I having to stand all day for work. Being at a desk for work and as a student these last 5 years have gotten me soft on standing a lot. Definitely need to get some shoes with a wider toe area. This is why I wear skate shoes. I like for my toes to have some room.

So... tonight I went in and found out they didn't have any work for us. I know that at least 5 of us were sent home. Probably more. Not sure. But it's basically based on how many parts they have to be inspected whether or not we work. And the day shift had apparently finished what we had, and they'd not received their next shipment yet. So, I get to sleep tonight.

Yesterday my body was a bit of a mess. I had gotten up at 8am and called in to the temp place at 9:30am. I then had to go up there at 1:30pm. So I was in town up there all day, from 1:30pm and I went to walmart, killed some time, got some dinner, went back to walmart to get something to take in for lunch and then left to go to work. By then I had already been up long enough, to have worked a day almost, and being in my car made me tired. So... I was struggling to stay awake and coherent for most of the night. I was actually thinking about how good bed would feel when I got home after work. I got off work at 3am and got home at 4am. I was in bed shortly after. I had felt sort of sick all night at work just coz of the lack of sleep and the pain my shoes were causing me. Amazing how much your whole body hurts when your feet and back hurt. Anyway... I got to bed around 4am, with a Missy laying on the foot of my bed. She got off not too long after I'd laid down coz my feet were cramping and I was trying to stretch them, as she was laying between my feet. At least she left room for me when she got on there before I did.

Anyway... going to go see if my bed is already occupied now... I need some sleep. I have to call tomorrow to see if I'll be needed at work. I got a paycheck today, apparently from the hour I was at the office for my filling out paperwork and stuff last week... My net pay was $9.05. They took out $8 for their drug test, which I passed in case any of you were wondering ;) and the state and county took out a few cents each. And I ended up with a check of $0.02. I had to laugh, it was just too funny. I know I'll be actually getting paid for the hours I worked last night, and whatever hours I work after this. But that was just funny to me.

OK... seriously going to bed now. Not sure when I'll get up. Hoping my nose doesn't bother me in the morning like it usually does. Goodnight world.