Anyone who knows me well enough, or even not that well, can probably attest to the fact that I freak out at little things, or at things that I should be patient with.

Yesterday I was at dinner with Megan and got a phone call from Lyndee telling me that there was a dorm meeting back at the dorm and I needed to be back by 8:15. Megan and I were still at the restaurant and I was supposed to go to work on a friend's computer at 7:30. I was frustrated by the news of a dorm meeting, and got upset about it. Just as soon as I hung up the phone and was explaining things to Megan about what was going on, I got a call from my friend Mary whose computer I was to work on. She said that she was just getting back from work and would be about half an hour before I could come over to work on the computer. So we ended up scheduling to meet up today for me to work on her computer. But I texted Lyndee back that I would be coming to the dorm meeting and that God was probably laughing at me, because I got upset over the meeting because I had something already scheduled, and then the scheduled thing ended up not happening, so I was able to go back to campus...

When we got back to campus I went back to my room to drop off my food and let Megan use my computer. Then Lyndee came in the room and we ended up going down towards the conference room for the "meeting". Lindsey was also coming towards the conference room from her apartment. We went in, and as I came in the lights were turned on and everyone that was in there yelled "SURPRISE!" and I saw that the room was decorated with streamers and balloons and there were snacks on the table! They had planned out this whole surprise for my birthday!! I was definitely surprised, and wondered how I hadn't seen it coming. But that thing with the scheduling... definitely a God thing... and I'm pretty sure He was laughing at me.... or at least at the fact I got so upset over something that wasn't even really something to get upset over... since it was all made up just to get me back to the dorm for my surprise party... I should tell my friend Mary what happened. I forgot to when I was working on her computer today...

Not much time to update right now. I'm working on some homework before my head gets too tight and I fall asleep. I should just go on "third shift" from now until the next two weeks is up. Night time is the only time I ever get anything done... if even then. Dumb lack of motivation.... hmph. Two weeks from finishing. A lot of papers and project type things to finish these last two weeks. This week and next week basically. Then it's finals week, which I will have mostly to myself. I will be working possibly on Wednesday and Thursday, although I'm not sure yet how long each day. It depends on who else is wanting to work those days also, which is fine by me. Two more weeks... I have to keep reminding myself of that. Gonna try to finish a few more journal entries and then go to bed.... about to fall asleep right now...

Random...

So, my liking of caffeinated beverages has paid off... I got a phone call today from a number I didn't recognize. I answered, and the guy on the other end asked to speak to me. I said I was Nora, and he said that he was calling to inform me that I had won the Bawls BMX bike. I was sitting here like "Are you kidding?", coz I'm used to getting these things saying I've won something but there's a catch, like they want your credit card info or something. This was not one of those calls. He asked me to confirm the address they had on file for me, which he read off first, and said that the bike would be shipped within 2-4 weeks. I asked if it would be getting here before the end of the month, and he said he would make a note on there to ship it at the latest by the 25th. Crazy!

This is the bike that I will be getting!












I will be lucky if I can actually ride it with it being so small and me being fairly large... ugh... I hope to be able to use it to some of its ability soon... working on this whole losing weight thing. Been doing some calisthenics exercising lately, just to get my metabolism up more than what it is. I think it's been working. My abs have a slight bit of muscle to them now instead of none at all. So, at least i'm heading in the right direction.

dreams and dreaming

I had a very strange dream last night. Well, I think it was right before I got up, but I was asleep so I couldn't really tell you what time it was... Anyway... I dreamed last night that for some reason I was feeling hopeful about something... about a relationship, I think. And then someone said to me something about the guy I was thinking about (who is real, and who shall remain nameless since it was only a dream, and I'm not sure why I dreamed it, or even if I know this person well enough to have dreamed about him, but I did) had said something on Facebook about "us" that was ambiguous, but hinting. I was all confused and, again, hopeful as I said before. We ended up hanging out, but that's about it, coz later on I woke up and was still confused as ever as to why I would have dreamed such a thing.

Also, before I went to bed last night, I had put in my resume on Monster.com to 6 places in the Evansville area. Hopefully I will end up getting a job prior to graduation, so I can have a job when I move back home. Who knows if that will happen or not. But that is sort of what I mean by "dreaming". I know that some of my skills I've gained from working in Computer Services here will help when I get out into the "real world" of jobs.... which is what it's supposed to do...

Anyway.... I need to get on with my homework. I have to finish the Saturday Seminar paper, and two other papers for Biblical Theology for tomorrow. I went to the 7-11 and got a bottle of Bawls Guarana for tonight. That will hopefully keep me awake long enough that I can finish something anyway...

I still need to figure out all the things I need to do prior to graduation... No one tells you all the details you need to know when you are graduating... or maybe I don't know who to ask? I just feel like I'm missing things that I should know....

Forgot the deadline for the Saturday Seminar project. Also didn't have a group to do it in.

I keep not being able to get things on paper for my papers for Bib Theo. I stink at getting my thoughts on paper these days.

Adolescent Lit is a blow off class.... Since we hardly ever learn anything, and the book is lame.

Practicum for YM? The youth pastor is not doing the things he should be doing. How am I supposed to do what I should be doing if he is not properly equipping me.

Meh. I feel like this semester is doomed for disaster... which is not good since it's supposed to be my last one. Feeling like an oddball as a fifth year senior doesn't help any. Not having finances to support myself after graduation doesn't help. Neither does not knowing what I'm going to be doing once I leave here.

Basically... I'm feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed...

I know that God is doing something but right now it just seems so hard to figure out what.

I can't say "Descend On" without overwhelming panic and distrust, no matter how good my belayer.

late night ramblings

I went to a time of worship at the Shiloh Prayer Chapel this evening. That was good. It's been a long time since I was in there, especially for a community worship event. I miss Prayer Watch...

I have a paper to work on tomorrow. And a presentation to prepare for Friday morning. This is going to be interesting. Coz neither I or my groupmate on this project have gotten together to do anything yet. Lovely. But my partner on the project is a cheerleader and was gone all of last week/end for the men's basketball games that were out of town... like Branson, MO out of town... long ways...

One of the girls from youth group is going to be on campus a couple of times this week for different college preview stuff. I hope I don't come off the wrong way if I don't have much time...

I need to go to the store tomorrow... Aldi has good prices on milk. Might look at some other stuff to get there if I can get some healthy stuff... although I'm not sure that is even possible at Aldi... where everything is mostly packaged stuff that is an off-brand name and is much cheaper.

I took a nap earlier this evening, because working on my project with the girl in my group fell through. I wasn't sure how much time I had this evening. I feel like I was a jerk to one of my friends. If you read this, I'm sorry, I was just feeling extremely overwhelmed at the time you messaged me, and I didn't mean to be a jerk to you.

Once I got back I was able to check my e-mail and she'd finally e-mailed me back about meeting tonight, saying she couldn't. So since I was so tired from the Bib Theo class (which for some reason makes me go cross-eyed and get drowsy) that I came back to my room and took a nap on the loveseat in the living room. Not the most comfortable thing to do, coz your feet end up falling asleep from being up on the arm of it. I kept falling asleep and then waking up and jerking myself awake, because I was cold from the furnace fan going, and the light was on, and I wasn't all that comfortable...

Anyway... this is a very long post, and I should be going to bed... I need to get up somewhat early to shower and start writing on my paper that I somehow accidentally deleted or didn't save properly. If I had one of those waterproof pen and notepads, I could save time and write the paper in the shower... I seriously have some of my best (and sometimes not so great) ideas while isolated in the shower. Or when I'm falling asleep.... Never when I am fully conscious and sitting in front of my computer... which is most of my life these days... Maybe computers really do kill brain cells... Hmmm... I get tired of not using my imagination as much as I used to... I feel like my creativity has gone down the drain as I get older... I want to be the kind of person who thinks of something by "staring out a window" like that one story goes with the guy complaining about another guy who is in his office staring out the window all the time, while everyone else is being a number-cruncher and go-get-em kind of worker... But while they are doing, doing, doing, he is thinking, and he figures out a solution to something... I used to think of stuff all the time... and although some of it was somewhat crazy and usually improbable, at least I was trying new things out in my head, instead of just going through the motions of stuff all the time...

OK, I really need to go to bed, because now everyone is going to be bored, or think I'm a wacko, or both...

Goodnight everybody....

Well, I've not posted on here for quite a while. I don't even remember what I last posted about. I'm sure that not much has happened since then. Life has been crazy since getting back from spring break. At least now it's spring. This last week there wasn't one night that I got to bed before 1am. That pretty much had me wiped out for the weekend. I didn't have anything planned for yesterday so I slept in as late as I could, which ended up being about 11:00. And I even slept through my alarm this morning and missed church today. I had a dream that I was wearing one of those t-shirts with speakers in them a la thinkgeek's "personal soundtrack" tee. Except the shirt I was wearing was red, I think. And I couldn't find the off button. So I kept hearing Bono belting out "It's a beautiful day... Don't let it get away..." with the guitar and everything... repeating itself multiple times. It started to get annoying, and I kept trying to turn it off somehow. I finally became conscious enough to reach to my phone and peck the OK key to get it to shut off, but by then it had apparently gone off for about half an hour because I didn't get up after that until about 10:20am. I had woken up earlier in the morning, around 6am to my roommates' alarm clock beeping. It had been set for 5:15am coz they had a track meet to go to and had to be up then yesterday morning. So, it had been going off for a while, too. I must have been really out of it.

So far today I have watched the movie "Wargames: The Dead Code". It was really good. Nice action, tech stuff that I enjoyed. I don't think I've ever seen the original, or if I have it's been a while. I think I saw the movie "Hackers" but not the first Wargames movie. It was a good choice, though.

I haven't done much other than that, and look up stuff online, and send in a paper that was due earlier last week. Now I need to see what else I have to do before tomorrow. Last night, even when I went to bed before midnight, I still didn't get to sleep much before 1am. I kept thinking about stuff. Wondering if I had any big papers due this week. Thinking about how I'm going to get things done by the time graduation roles around. What I need to get done for graduation. How am I going to get all my stuff home after graduation. Am I going to have the money to pay off everything up here before I leave? I have a medical bill I'm still paying on. And a late fee from the library. And a very small paycheck this last time. Yes, I realize I need to be smarter with my money. I don't need any responses on that front...

Looking forward to graduation is somewhat hard, sort of not. Hard because I do not know how many people I know who will actually be able to come. My parents aren't up to traveling, which I understand. I'm not sure how all my stuff is going to get home. I'm not sure how many, if any, close friends will be able to come. I've heard rumors of certain family coming, but not sure if they will make it up here either. And graduating and leaving Bethel will be somewhat easy because I am very seriously feeling the "senioritis" being a 5th year senior because my friends have already graduated, and I doesn't know many of those in the classes below mine, and I'm just ready to do life without so many rules and people looking over my shoulder every minute. Although that might still be the case if one is prone to believing all the "big brother" stuff they see on TV...

Anyway.... this post has gotten long and rambly. I could probably think of a bunch of other things to fill it with, too, but I'm not feeling like writing much more.... which you are all probably thankful for...