As I reflect on this last year and how blessed I have been through the stress and the mess of things, I only have gratitude toward God, and for those who have walked beside me in this journey and continue to do so.
Out of that gratitude I want to give back and be a blessing. I just don't know how to minister well to people. I used to serve a lot more than I do now. Anymore I don't get as much time learning as I used to. So that makes me cherish the times I can be in service and listen and learn. I'm not really cut out for teaching, I don't think anyway. Maybe God has other plans for me. But I don't know right now. I just feel like I have forgotten to be a servant these last few years. I was nominated for a Servant Leadership award during college. That blew my mind then because I didn't know what anyone saw in me that they would even nominate me then. I especially don't see that in myself right now. And I want that to change.
This last weekend I gave a friend a back massage. I haven't really had much opportunity to give back massages to friends since college. I used to give my friends (you know who you are ;) ) back massages a lot. I loved doing that; being able to minister in healing with massage. I always took the opportunity to quietly pray for my friends during that time. It blessed me to be able to help them feel better. It definitely blessed me to be a blessing. Just being able to help my friend move her head better blessed me. Being given the opportunity to give a back massage again was a blessing. The last time I gave back massages was for a ladies night like a year or more ago. That's too long a time between giving back massages!
I just feel so many things stirring in my spirit. Ministering to others, serving others, praying for others both one-on-one and corporately. I haven't really felt a heart of ministry since college. I hadn't been with a group of believers who are all seeking God and ready for breakthrough in the spiritual realms since college. I keep being reminded of my time with Prayer Watch. I feel as if I wandered from that path after Prayer Watch ended, and am returning to where I was then, and growing beyond it. I am still excited for what God is doing in the church body that I am a part of. I don't want to become complacent in this season of growth. I don't want us to stop seeking just because we've grown a little. I pray the fire keeps burning within us and the Holy Spirit keeps pouring out His presence among us.
We, I, can't back down or become stagnant in growth. It makes me think that the complacency that I felt early this week, which i feel was part of a spiritual attack to get me to just stop being fervent in my reading or studies. I mean how easy would it be to just have given up early this week and let myself fight through the jaw pain and being tired and moody this week coz that's what my body felt. I could have just blown off my readings and not tried to study anything. I could give up on trying to bless others, because what can I really do? Right? How easy is it to become complacent in the day to day grind! When I feel like that I know I can't give in. Because I know God has greater things in store, not only for myself but for the small church body that I call home.
I feel as if a shift happened in the atmosphere when the women got back from our retreat in August. Something happened there. Something changed in our church. A fire was lit. We really did begin a "Fresh Brewed Life". It wasn't just a catchphrase for the weekend and what our leaders hoped would happen. It actually happened. It has been evident in our lives. I'm still excited for what God is doing in us, how He is growing us, molding us.
I can't put it into words adequately, so with that I will finish this slightly long winded and random post. I don't even know how many of my thoughts were cohesive. I do have a tendency to begin a thought without any backstory. And I feel like that has been several of my most recent posts. I don't think I have a really good starting point without going into far too much detail that would really be unnecessary and somewhat boring for most. Especially those adsensewatchdog people that keep stalking my page and jacking up my stats. Oh well. Time for me to sleep and see if my dreams are any more cohesive than this blog post.
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