I was prompted to write a new update. I haven't really had much to write about lately. Still on the job search. Sending out the resume. Trying to get my resume snail mail send-able. Still finding odd problems with it to work out. Feeling quite incapable of talking about myself in a way that will "sell" myself to a company.

I did sign up for a temp agency earlier this week and got a phone call this morning telling me I had an interview with them for a job at 10:30 Monday morning. So I'm going to just go to Wal-Mart at get some cheaper business apparel there since my Goodwill hunting the other day returned nothing. Are flats office appropriate? Like the ballet flats or something of that sort? Are TOMS office appropriate? I have nothing, or any idea of anything, to go with dark brown suede shoes though.

So... these are my current musings... Not sure of anything else to write about. Hoping that the interview on Monday tuns out to be a long term thing, as long as it has nothing to do with standing all day waving a super hot hot glue gun around and getting motion sick while walking in circles repeatedly to stick wires down or anything remotely related to that!

sleep deprived sort of

I went to work last night. I was checking the tape on a lever handle on a part. I was also checking to see if the metal tabs were properly bent instead of overly bent. I did 19 boxes of 16 parts each. My back and feet were hurting like crazy. I need some different work boots. Mine are too skinny at the toes. I just put up with it before, but anymore I think I need to get some different boots. I can't stand comfortably for 8+ hours a day in mine and not be in pain. Also, my fingers hurt from peeling the tape off of three boxes worth of things before I got a box cutter from a team leader to get the tape off easier. That I think sped things up a little. I had only gotten three boxes done before the first break, but averaged 5 boxes during each two hours after that. I only really went sort of slow because I was in so much pain from my shoes. I really haven't had to stand up all day since... well, a long time ago. Probably when I worked at McD's in 03 was I having to stand all day for work. Being at a desk for work and as a student these last 5 years have gotten me soft on standing a lot. Definitely need to get some shoes with a wider toe area. This is why I wear skate shoes. I like for my toes to have some room.

So... tonight I went in and found out they didn't have any work for us. I know that at least 5 of us were sent home. Probably more. Not sure. But it's basically based on how many parts they have to be inspected whether or not we work. And the day shift had apparently finished what we had, and they'd not received their next shipment yet. So, I get to sleep tonight.

Yesterday my body was a bit of a mess. I had gotten up at 8am and called in to the temp place at 9:30am. I then had to go up there at 1:30pm. So I was in town up there all day, from 1:30pm and I went to walmart, killed some time, got some dinner, went back to walmart to get something to take in for lunch and then left to go to work. By then I had already been up long enough, to have worked a day almost, and being in my car made me tired. So... I was struggling to stay awake and coherent for most of the night. I was actually thinking about how good bed would feel when I got home after work. I got off work at 3am and got home at 4am. I was in bed shortly after. I had felt sort of sick all night at work just coz of the lack of sleep and the pain my shoes were causing me. Amazing how much your whole body hurts when your feet and back hurt. Anyway... I got to bed around 4am, with a Missy laying on the foot of my bed. She got off not too long after I'd laid down coz my feet were cramping and I was trying to stretch them, as she was laying between my feet. At least she left room for me when she got on there before I did.

Anyway... going to go see if my bed is already occupied now... I need some sleep. I have to call tomorrow to see if I'll be needed at work. I got a paycheck today, apparently from the hour I was at the office for my filling out paperwork and stuff last week... My net pay was $9.05. They took out $8 for their drug test, which I passed in case any of you were wondering ;) and the state and county took out a few cents each. And I ended up with a check of $0.02. I had to laugh, it was just too funny. I know I'll be actually getting paid for the hours I worked last night, and whatever hours I work after this. But that was just funny to me.

OK... seriously going to bed now. Not sure when I'll get up. Hoping my nose doesn't bother me in the morning like it usually does. Goodnight world.

I have a job

OK, I know I haven't written in a while. I haven't felt like writing much since there hasn't really been that much going on. Anyway... last week I signed up at this place that hires people out to local factories, like the Toyota related factories mostly. It's basically a temp agency for factories. I called them today and found out that I can start tonight at a place that makes seats and doors for one of the locally produced models. So... I'm going in to second shift tonight! I don't know what to expect. I hope I can stay awake! I'm gonna go grab a BAWLS from the Casey's up the street if I have time maybe. I don't know what I'm going to be doing. I'll be going in to the temp office at 1:30 this afternoon. So hopefully I'll get some idea of what I'll be doing then. I've never worked on a factory line before. Never thought I'd ever be working on a factory line. But it's a job, and I need it. So, this means I will finally be getting a paycheck!!! Praise God!!

I don't know how they do training or anything. I'm not sure how much I'll be trained. I hope they train me! lol I think I can take one thing and put it on something else easily enough, but I hope that I get some instruction before I do it!!! I think I'm just afraid of screwing up.

I'm currently waiting on my jeans to wash and dry, which will be soon enough before I have to be over there. I'm nervous now!! Pray that it all goes well and I am awake enough to do my job tonight!!! I've never worked second shift before, but I am a night owl.

Where To Begin

I've not written for a while. Words seem scarce lately.

I've recently been getting back into wearing my Vibram Five Fingers (VFFs) - Yes, my goofy looking toe shoes.

I'm still on the hunt for a job. Put in some applications the other day. Looking for more places to apply to. Working on polishing my resume and creating cover letters. Am annoyed at having to try and write different cover letters for different businesses.

I'm trying to decipher what exactly business casual means/how I can build a business casual look on a budget/what kind of business casual clothes will actually fit me - both physically and style wise.

I'm tired of not being able to find clothes that fit me. I wish there were less traveled roads and an available Beach Cruiser bike I could use. Oh, and a helmet. I don't want to ride out here without a helmet.

I'm thankful for friends who are such a blessing even when I am undeserving.

I'm tired of looking for where to begin. Why is starting something the hardest part?

I'm currently waiting on laundry to get done, so I can get my jeans out, shower, and go get my tire fixed on my car. My rear driver's side tire has gone flat randomly ever since it got put on last year right as I left for Spring Break.

I'm going to be wearing my VFFs out today so I can walk around in them somewhere other than inside the house. Also planning on wearing them to the Kunstfest this weekend - a fairly decent sized German festival in New Harmony. I need to look for my change jar so I can get my favorite foods there - soft pretzels and apple cider! This festival is the signal that Fall is here for me. I wonder if the Ozark Pioneers will be there or if they are even still making music. I should Google them!

randomness.... just trying to get tired enough to fall asleep!

I've been sending my resume to different businesses I've found on Craigslist in the E-ville area today. Got one response this evening from one. They wanted me to pay for a background check on myself, and they would refund me at the "follow-up interview"... providing I ever got that far. So they want me to spend roughly $30 to give them info on me when they could reasonably look it up themselves? Umm... how about No. Gonna wait and see if anyone else responds to me. The Whirlpool factory here just decided they are shutting down and outsourcing to Mexico (why? they're all migrating up here to get jobs and we're sending our jobs down there? apparently that's cheaper for the company...) Anyway, the job finding places like Work One and others are pretty much getting swamped right now since whole families worked there. So, I'm just putting my resume out as many places as possible. I should probably send it to the Careeer Services at BC and see if they can give me any pointers on how to make it better.

This last weekend I went to church with my parents at their church. Yesterday the visiting pastor was telling us about his church, a Progressive Primitive Baptist Church. And they are "progressive" because? They have a piano. The whole musical instrument thing is a sore subject with PBCs. Why they don't allow instruments that God gave people the smarts to create and play to worship Him is beyond me. Denying people that just seems to me like it quenches the Spirit. But maybe that's just me. Can't tell anyone there otherwise anyway.

I guess that's why I ended up in a Assembly of God church while at college, which became my home church. Bring on the musical expression, dancing, even flag waving, speaking in tongues, raising hands in the air, and being loud in praising God!

Frankly if we can stand up and cheer and clap for a sports team or something, why not do it for God? It may sound silly, it may be silly, but shouldn't we shout our praise for our Savior? I'm not a loud person usually, but I think we should sometimes get loud in praising Jesus! lol What good are we if we just mumble our praise?! It's like mediocre. What's up with that?

Anyway... time to go to bed. I was going to post some random thoughts on songs... but I'm getting tired, after having written for a while and still not gotten anywhere, and my English skills are decreasing by the second, and I will not want to get up in the morning now, and I can hardly keep my eyes open... time to finish this run on sentence and get some sleep....

Completely irrelevant post about nothing

I took a nap this afternoon and had a strange dream. I was driving an old car down a small road on a campus of some sort, not sure if it was a business campus or what it was. I took a turn kind of fast and a campus cop came after me. They were on a motorcycle and they yelled at me about turning instead of going straight down the street, and so I turned another corner, this time to the right. I was driving down a street/highway that was similar to the ones I saw in California - busy and confusing. I kept going until I got to this place that looked like a mine or a factory or something like that. I climbed up a hill of grass and vines and through a small door. Some people there were trying to figure out a key to something that was wires, but looked like spaghetti. Random. I was able to figure out how they were supposed to wind and lock the wires together so they wouldn't fall all over the place. They were wound on a special contraption that one person was trying to replicate by bending a coat hanger. I then looked over to a corner of the room/cave looking thing we were in, and there was a bike, but it wasn't a bike, it had two wheels like a bike, but then had slats, like from a swing set, that moved like a Nordic Track thing, where you would glide each one back and forth to get momentum to move. More randomness. Then I woke up.

I actually looked up the bike design, and couldn't find anything close to what I saw in my dream. Probably isn't even plausible, but it's what I saw. I should draw a picture of it or something...

I keep having really strange dreams... I should write more of them down, though they probably don't mean anything, they are somewhat entertaining, lol.

That's all I've got for now. As far as relevant stuff, I'm still looking for a job.... Not fun when you don't have money in the first place, and looking for a job takes money... go figure. I can't even find my one pair of khaki pants right now coz I left them here when I went to Cali last week. I don't know where any of my good tops are right now either... Meh.

Back home

I am back in Indiana. Currently at my Uncle's house in Indy. Going to be going home this evening with my sister, who is in the area.

I was told by my boss at Camfel that because of my problems with my back and knees that they were sending me home. It wasn't because I was a bad worker or anything. He said that I was really determined and picked up quickly on things, but he did not want me to injure myself from all the physical activity. I knew when I went that it was going to be a very physical job. I just didn't know how physical. Right now I can hardly bend over, my knees hurt, and my hands/wrists are really stiff and sore.

I am really bummed that I am not going to be doing what I thought I was going to be doing for the next 10 months. I am not sure where I will get a job in Evansville. I think my sister Nancy is going to be helping me out with getting a job.

I am going to miss the people I got to know out there at Camfel.

So for now I am coming back home... hoping that something down here will finally work out and I won't be constantly disapointed in my ventures for a job.

I'm here!

I made it to the Camfel camp for this week of training. We are on the campus of the Latin American Bible Institute in one of the dorms here. Apparently I am in for a hard week of training. I've already met some of the people and they are all really great. I'm just really tired at the moment and can't remember anyone's name and can't really think in a straight line right now. I'm completely exhausted. Mostly physically. Probably will be more so in the next few days also, so tonight I really need to get some sleep! A few of the girls told me that since being here last week they have lost weight from doing the things they've been doing... mostly time trials and stuff of the things we will be doing on tour. So I have a lot to learn and a lot to do! So.... I should be going to bed... sleep... need to take some ibuprofen so I can move in the morning. So, goodnight!

Thanks for all your prayers and support!! You have no idea how much it means to me!

Alright... need to go sleep before I fall over!!

Oh, and I warned my roommates I snore! lol

Review: Root Jack Orange Flavored Root Beer

Can't get enough of Talk Like a Pirate Day? Do you wear a patch on one eye? Maybe you have a wooden leg, or a hook for a hand. If so, then this is the beverage for you!

Get ready to talk like a pirate and drink some pirate Root Beer - Root Jack is a orange flavored root beer with added vitamin c to ward off the scurvy that comes with months at sea, or those non-stop gaming sessions! It also has guarana to keep you awake for your high seas, or LAN adventures!!



I picked up this tasty energy drink at the 7 Eleven over on Main and Mishawaka in Mishawaka, IN. I was not sure how much orange flavor to expect. I was pleasantly surprised at the smoothness of the root beer and orange flavors combined. It is a little shocking to ones taste buds to have orange flavor combined with root beer, but it is a good combination. I'm sure the flavor will end up growing on me. I can just imagine this poured over some good vanilla ice cream to make a float. Sort of like a root beer orange creme float. The drink also has guarana and vitamin c added to it. The guarana provides a good energy kick that will help keep you going, whether playing video games or swinging from one ship to another being a pirate! The vitamin c is added to help "fight scurvy". This is an easier sell than the other soft drinks that say they are vitamin fortified, but you end up wondering why they added them. As a pirate out on the high seas for months on end, or a malnourished gamer who doesn't eat right, this is a very valuable aspect of the drink!

As a fan of root beer, especially ones with guarana in them, I really enjoyed this beverage. It has a taste that takes a little getting used to since orange does not usually come with root beer, but as I said before, it is a good combination. I can see myself buying more in the future, as soon as some "merchant ports" are available elsewhere across the U.S. It is currently only available at select locations in the Northern Indiana, the Chicago area, and just outside of Detroit, MI. Check out their site for specific locations. The locations keep growing, so be on the lookout for new ones in your area! If you own a convenience store, cyber cafe, etc. you might want to see about carrying Root Jack. It's a great beverage that seems to aim towards gamers and pirates! My only complaint or thing I noticed is that I would like to see the logo of the orange head skull and swords, possibly sans words if necessary, on the lid. Currently it has no logo on the lid of any kind.


http://www.rootjack.com/

This is it... the last few days...

Meh.

Stressed about this upcoming week.

Packing.

Traveling.

Driving for hours and praying that nothing decided to break on my car while I'm traveling since I can't afford for ANYTHING to happen to it right now.

Hoping I find someplace to stay each night while I'm up north. I know I have one place for one night with a friend. But not sure about the other two nights - Wednesday and possibly Friday night...

Also hoping that I can get away with wearing khakis to a wedding... is that an OK thing to do or not? I don't have any skirts or anything that fit... meh. I hate being fat...

I hope that my stuff I want to bring will all fit in my suitcase. It's hard packing for approx. 10 months on the road when you don't have any idea what you'll need in what climate or situation.

Speaking of situations, I want to get some Mechanix (or however you spell that brand) gloves and some flares once I get out there, if we don't have any with our van... at least some of the gloves... just for routine maintenance stuff like checking oil and other engine things, or if it breaks down or something... Yes, I'm a prissy girl who doesn't like to get junk under her fingernails, and can't stand her hands to have grease/dirt on them... Yeah, maybe college spoiled me a little bit, but I don't like it... I don't think I ever really could stand having dirt and grime on my hands...

I tried to get most of what I'm packing in my suitcase this last week.... and I have a few things I want to take that I don't think are going to fit... It's gonna be a tight fit with my pillow and sleepingbag in there. I decided to put those in there. I do need to unpack it and repack it though to make everything fit. And I need to get my backpack packed up.

I might try to look for a new cell phone so I can have one with a full battery that will last longer than two minutes at a time. Although the battery might be the only problem with my current phone. I need to get it or the phone replaced...

Not a lot else to say right now... I don't think. Not that I can think to write here at the moment anyway...

About one week out

Next Wednesday I'm planning on heading up to South Bend to visit with friends before heading to Jana's wedding on the 15th, and coming back home to fly out of E-ville on the 16th! It will be a long weekend, but worth it! I am just looking for someone to stay with for one or two nights during my travels! I probably should have been planning this a few weeks ago! I know I will have a place to stay for one night, but the other two are up in the air... and I'm not even sure which night I will be staying at the one friend's house. I'm sort of flying by the seat of my pants on this whole thing!

Anyway, I am going to do a packing trial run this week and see what I can get in my suitcase and how it will all fit. This should be interesting. I might do one of those "what's in your bag" pics like the ones that are pretty popular on Flickr. I also need to do a trial packing of my backpack and see if all my stuff I want in there will fit...

OK, I am almost tired beyond the ability to type or think straight, so I am going to bed.

Time Keeps On Ticking Ticking Ticking...

Two more full weeks and part of a week until I will be reaching the beginning of this upcoming adventure. I looked at my little calendar on my computer and rechecked it to make sure it was correct.

I am still trying to figure out when I should leave to go north... if I want to try and visit friends in South Bend or what, prior to going to Jana's wedding. I need to look over the invite for the time and location again, so I can print out a map before I leave out for it. If I had printed a map any sooner it would have gotten lost amongst all my insanity in my room!

My only problem with leaving any earlier than Friday is that my Dad's birthday is on Thursday. And I want to be here for it, but I would also like to be able to see friends in South Bend, if at all possible... I would love to be able to get up there on the Wednesday night so I can go to SouthGate to the youth group and to see others there.

I have two weeks to finalize my plans... and get my stuff packed... and remember to print vital info out - like a map to Jana's wedding, and my flight info so I can pick up my tickets (they give you a sort of "password" I guess you'd call it). Also, in the middle of trying to get everything else in line I will be moving most of my stuff that's in boxes and whatnot into a storage barn that my Dad got for me to put my stuff in so they could "have use of the house". Oi vey.

So...... yeah... Sorry for anyone who actually sat and read this whole post... It's mostly my pointless trying-to-figure-things-out post... Well... maybe not so pointless, but fairly useless information... I guess.

OK... I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead, sort of, and not babble on anymore. I don't even feel like this post is making any sense, and all I'm talking about is how indecisive I am being at where to travel when... except for that weekend, which is pretty much set in stone. The week is pretty flexible yet...

Three (3) More Weeks

Yep, three more weeks is about all I have to go until the grand adventure begins. I must admit I'm kind of nervous. I will be driving up for Jana's wedding, but might also be going earlier in the week so I can go to South Bend, and maybe see some people there, and close my bank account there. Probably should have done that when I left after graduation... or prior to graduation! Oh well.

Not sure what else to say... I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for my travels up north and back. I'm still trying to raise support for the month that I'm going to be traveling without a paycheck until the end of the month. I'm still working on what I'm going to pack. I've never been on any trip longer than 1 week, or 3 weeks or so coming home from college for breaks... and I have no idea what I'm going to need for 10 months... from what I have right now that I know I should pack it should all fit without any problems in my suitcase and backpack.... I hope...

I'm babbling... it's late... I should go to bed so I don't sleep in any longer than usual... It's been nice to be able to sleep in... but I kinda want a routine again...

Trying to find things...

So, I was looking for my charger for my old cell phone so I could take the pics off the memory card, since it was damaged by a jank camera that I had one time - You see, I had the bright idea of using the camera to get the pics off my memory card... and it practically ate my card... not in a literal sense, but in a very digital sense. I could not reclaim the pictures on it that were there prior to the tragic experience by my memory card. The only thing able to read the pictures on the card? My old cell phone. It is only a 512MB card, so fairly puny considering I have a 2GB in my phone now. But I decided to try and get the rest of my pics off of the phone/memory card by moving them from the card to the phone's memory. Then putting my new card in the phone and moving the pics from the phone to the card. Then I can use my current camera to get the pics onto my computer, since my computer's card reader doesn't want to work for whatever weird Dell-ified reason... (it simply makes the hardware attatched/hardware removed noise, and does nothing, when I insert a card... I've tried downloading a different driver, and still nothing, so I gave up and am just using my camera/USB cable to get my pics off my camera...)


All of that to say that I think my charger is in my box of old desk stuff that is currently burried beneath and behind a bunch of other boxes in the big room... And guess what is in those boxes... brown recluse spiders... I also think my passport is in that box of desk stuff, though I could have sworn I had my passport in my stacker drawers... Guess not since I looked today and didn't find it... not good. So... I think I'm going to go to the store, buy one of those cheap painter coveralls, some rubber gloves, safety goggles, and maybe a respirator, and a roll of masking tape to seal all the edges... and go hunting for my stuff... And maybe a can of Raid to carry with me...

I wish there was something simple and natural that brown recluse either didn't like or were immediately vaporised upon touching...

Can we say arachnaphobia?? Ummm, yeah....

Flight Information!!

Hey, I was able to purchase my plane ticket today with what money I have received! To those who have helped to support me financially, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

My flight info is as follows

Sun, Aug 16, 2009	Evansville, (EVV) to Los Angeles International Airport, (LAX)
Depart: 11:40 AM Arrive: 12:55 PM	Evansville, IN (EVV) to Chicago, IL (ORD)	American Airlines Flight 4324 operated by AMERICAN EAGLE (on Embraer RJ145 Amazon)
	Requested Seats: 6C 1 Stop - change planes Chicago, IL (ORD) Connection Time: 2 hrs 15mins
Depart: 03:10 PM Arrive: 05:28 PM	Chicago, IL (ORD) to Los Angeles, CA (LAX)	American Airlines Flight 455 (on Boeing 767-300)
	Requested Seats: 34A Total Travel Time: 7 hrs 48 mins

It looks like I will be flying on one of those Boeing 767-300's. That model was in the news yesterday for having weak points towards the tail of the plane. Not a good thing, but the airline I am flying with is also NOT SouthWest, which is the airline that has had the problems with that.

I will have a long layover in Chicago, but unless I wanted to leave at 6:30am I am going to have to take that! I would prefer a longer layover, within reason, and two hours is reasonable, to a short one, like the half hour layover I had in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport when I flew out to California before. That was intense... wait for the plane to park, then wait for people to get off in front of me so I could finally get out, then try and find a restroom, then try to find my gate, have to stop to ask directions and have to jump on a little shuttle tram thing that ran around the airport. I will probably be looking at maps of O'Hare and LAX before I get on the plane to leave.

I just picked up a set of cheap luggage tags at Walmart today. I am still trying to figure out what I want/need to take, and what I need to purchase either before I leave, or when I get out there. Anyone have suggestions??

Packing list!

I am trying to think of and plan out what I am going to be packing with me to Camfel Productions. I'm trying to keep in mind the fact that I will be on the road the whole time, except for the first week I'm out there, which is for the training.

I will be packing my laptop and camera in my backpack, which I will use as carry on... Plus that is also my laptop bag, so it makes sense.

I need to find my other SD cards to take. They're not big capacity wise, but it might be good to have one or two others lying around just to use if I fill my main one up. I will be taking a LOT of pictures!

My luggage will consist of the rest of my stuff:
- T-shirts, long-sleeved t-shirts, jeans, khakis, dress shirts, etc.
- General bathroom stuff
- Shoes: I will more than likely wear my current pair of Vans, loosely tied, during all the flying stuff. I will pack my canvas Airwalks, my TOMS (although I will have to have band-aids ready since they hurt my pinky toes to walk too much in), my Avia sneakers, and my Vibram FF Sprint's. Definitely taking those... :P
- Domo Hoodie is coming, for those cold days. I will probably buy a jacket or something when I get to Cali or somewhere where it's actually cold.
- Notebooks/journal/reading material will also be coming, although not much.
- Domo will of course be coming!

I can't think of what else I should take or buy. I don't even know what I will need for living on the road for so long! It is suggested by Camfel that we bring a sleeping bag, easy to set up/tear down tent, rain gear and snow gear.

I'm also going to get some plastic ziplock type bags to put all my stuff in so it can be easily organized and not get stuff on it if something from my bathroom stuff leaks, like shampoo.

I only have about 1 month to go. Just a little less since I will be packing my stuff at least by the weekend prior to go to Jana's wedding and then come back and leave for Cali the next day! I hope to get to South Bend prior to that, though, and visit friends up there before I go out on this crazy adventure!!

I'm glad I like to drive. Coz I'm gonna be driving a LOT the next 10 months!!!!

I have a job!!! Now I just have to get there...

Hey all! I just got a job with Camfel Productions out in California! They are a Christian not-for-profit that sends teams of techs out to show their life changing videos to students across the country. To find out more about what I will be doing you can go here and check out their FAQ page about the job. It is right up my alley - technology, ministering to teens, long drives and seeing the sights of America!

The only thing is I have to fly to get out there. I will be flying out on the 16th of August, right after returning from a friend's wedding in Ft. Wayne. They are wanting me to be there by the evening of that Sunday, the 16th. I will be missing one week of training, but they are OK with that. I will be just a little behind everyone else, but will hopefully adjust quickly and get to know my teammates well before heading out on the tour.

I am trying to find a decently priced and scheduled flight. If I drive back home from Ft. Wayne in the evening of the 15th I should be able to be here, get a couple hours sleep in and then get a flight in the morning so by the time I get through with the layovers and stuff, I'll be in California by evening. If I get a flight that's a few dollars more, like $20 more or so, I can be leaving EVV in the morning on the 16th and getting to LAX or ONT by mid-morning, which would be good.

Right now, in order to get there I need to raise support. I have been out of a job since May when I graduated, and have had no income since then. What I had has gone to my monthly car insurance and cell phone bills. Right now I don't even think I will be able to afford gas to go to church for the next month since it's about half an hour away.

So... I need your help. Since Camfel is a non-profit organization I have started a ChipIn to raise support so that I can get to my job. I will have to raise the funds for the flight out there, which is going to be between $204 and $230, depending on how soon I can get the funds to get a ticket, and then another $200 for general expenses during the first month of work since we do not get paid until the end of the month.

I believe that this ministry is where God wants me to be for the next 10 months. It is an opportunity for me to use all my skills in computers, in ministering to youth, and in my Christian walk. It will be a growing experience for sure. I will be challenged to be "Jesus with skin on" as one of my favorite profs says, to these kids, just by my actions as a Camfel tech. This job, for me, is a call to be the hands and feet of Jesus where my actions will speak louder than my words. Many of the schools I will be going to are public schools, so "preaching" is out of the question, but "being" is not.

Here is the link/widget for my fund raising efforts. If you can, please donate something, even if it's only $1. Every little bit, the sooner the better, helps!

A completely nonsensical post

Here are some products that I used to get that are no longer produced... (I told you this was nonsensical...)

Great caffeinated citrus soda from Coke in the 90's. Used to get it all the time when we were on the road. Vault is a close cousin to it, but nothing like it.



dnL by 7up is the closest thing to Surge that I've tasted. dnL was a great soft drink, but apparently it had a small market also, as it was discontinued, too.









Josta - I only every had it once, but it had a somewhat spicy/fruity flavor or something, from what I remember. I would try it again if it was still around. Pepsi has sadly not produced anything like it since they discontinued it.








Suave AromaBenefits - Energizing Citrus Ginseng bodywash. This was my favorite body wash because of its robust orange scent and energizing ginseng that got me going at 5am when I had to be at work by 6am. I could have used this during college, but I think they took it off the shelves by the start of '04 because I couldn't find it after the fall of '03. It didn't take them long to get rid of it. I have not found another citrusy energizing bodywash that compares. Some have claimed it... but I would like to try Shower Shock - the caffeine infused soap bar from ThinkGeek - for a jumpstart on the day.




Crystal Pepsi - One of the random products I remember from my childhood. I don't really remember the flavor of it, but I still like the idea of no colors/preservatives in my cola. I hope to try Pepsi Natural if I can get out to the store and find it. It is still a caramel colored cola, but it claims to be "natural".




Coke Blak - One of my favorite, but expensive, drinks of 2005. I had it while working my first summer at school. Great stuff. A nice cola flavor with a coffee finish. Most people thought it was weird, but I thought it was a decent combination. It might have taken some getting used to for people, and the price for a small 8oz glass bottle of the stuff in a 4 pack was somewhat outrageous. I think that Coke could have done a lot better on this if it hadn't been for the packaging. It was classy, but too expensive for a fairly experimental beverage.


7up - Yes, I know that 7up is still on the market, but I have not tasted it in a couple of years or so. I have refused to drink it since they started making it with "all natural" juices or whatever they have in it now. It tastes too much like Ski, which I know a lot of people like, but I'm not into the whole sour lemon/lime/citrus beverage thing. I used to like 7up a lot, but not now. It is no longer enjoyable to drink since it is like eating a raw lemon.
Also, another 7up product that I miss is the Cherry 7up Bubblegum. It was cubes of gum that had a gooey cherry center. That was another childhood product.

Snapple Elements - An energy drink from Snapple. Good stuff. It came in aluminum cans. I think I only ever had the Rain drink and Fire since those are also in the name of a company.








Sobe Dragon - My favorite drink from Sobe. It had dragonfruit in it, and did not taste anything like the newer drinks with dragonfruit. Somewhere along the line people started to think that dragonfruit tastes like a flower instead of a fruit. Odd people, I know. The logo was also pretty cool. I copied the logo by hand and drew it one time during my freshman year at college. It was something I did for fun. I should find that... Hmm...







Anyway... that's my randomness as I wait on laundry to dry. I need to go to bed soon since I have a phone interview in the morning. Pray that it goes well and if this is where God is leading me that I would get the job!

rambling while tired...

Not a lot happening here. Moving music from one comp to the other. Hoping it doesn't take too long. At least my music is on my Mac my portable HD and now my PC. I still haven't named my PC... hmm... i might want to do that... Getting tired and need to go to bed while the air is still cool enough to get a decent amount of sleep in somewhat cool air. I woke up the other day unable to breathe, and woke up while on my way into sitting up and gasping for air. I'm sure the dream I was having didn't help much. I don't remember what it was but it had me either anxious or something else... maybe it was the lack of oxygen. Who knows.


Hmmm... none of the CD's that I put on my Mac are transferring over to the PC... coz of MP4 file system? I have no idea. I'm not going to try to figure it out now. This seems almost useless.... Needs to be converted I guess? Gonna try tomorrow.

For now I'm going to go to bed while it's relatively cool enough to sleep. Looking forward to the mid 80's next week and lows in the mid 60's!! Aaaah... temps in the 60's will be refreshing! Might get through the day without feeling like you should shower about 10 times a day (which wouldn't work since as soon as stepping from the shower you feel like you need to jump back in!). Ugh, I dislike hot humid weather! Especially without A/C... got too used to it the last few years living on campus, in basements of places where the top of the house would be sweltering and the basement would rival the Siberian territories... I miss those Siberian territories... lol :P

meh.

Meh.

No job yet. Still looking. Apparently not hard enough... Been putting in applications in online. Going out tomorrow to pick up an application at a place I heard from my bro was hiring. It stinks not knowing the local geography and stuff as far as jobs and businesses go.

It's been hot here, and humid. Sticky yuckyness. You can't be without a fan or you'll drown from sweating. I miss A/C.

I hate being as heavy as I am. Blargh. Been trying to lose weight and it seems nothing works. Maybe lost 5 pounds since being home. Gain it back in clothing though... lol. Been doing more crunches and squats and lifting and messing around with my 8lb sand filled rubber ball. It's kind of fun to play around with, but I stink at keeping track of reps. I go until I get tired with it. Was looking at pics from freshman year at Bethel and realized how not-fat I was at the time, when I felt like I was. Meh.

Not much else to say. Not much goes on here out in the boondocks. Wishing I had friends close by here. Still not met anyone at church. Apparently small groups or life groups don't meet over the summer at BTC... why????? People that are new to the church need some people to hang out with in the summer too, don't they? No job, no social life. I'm on my computer most days doing stuff. Looking for job postings online, playing games, reading articles, looking at pics on Flickr's Explore page, refreshing the page a bazillion times going through looking for interesting pictures... wishing I had a decent camera to take some pics with... what kind of camera you have really makes a difference. You can't take good shots with something that's not built to take exceptional shots. You can take mediocre shots. But that's about it. They are pleasing to the photographically untrained eye. But for someone who wants to take good shots, get good framing, and vibrant colors, etc... yeah. Gotta deal with what I got for now though.

Anyway... that's all I've got for now....

Much randomness about DTV and the postal service...

Oh, I just remembered about my package I had posted about last week. It finally got here on like Monday or Tuesday after I posted that. It still doesn't help my feelings of dissent against the postal service.

Random... or not so random question: Has anyone else had any conspiracy theories run through their head with the whole DTV switch from analog to digital? Has it occurred to anyone else how attached we are as a nation to TV, and that the Government controls that? I'm not against the government, I just don't trust them the majority of the time, it being filled with politicians and all... Anyway... back to the topic: This analog to digital switch has been the buzz of the networks for months now, and it just sounds to me like everyone is brainwashed. DTV is touted to be better than analog with more stations, etc. From what I have experienced, out here in the boondocks of Indiana, it is a worthless piece of garbage. It will not stay tuned, since digital signals go by line of sight, and analog was more like a superball, it would bounce around through pretty much anything. If you have a twig in the way of your brand-spanking-new digital antenna the stations will cut out. A messed up digital signal gets all pixelated and sounds like a broken record. Not to mention the fact that the DTV converter box has to tell you every time the station drops out by putting a somewhat transparent screen up that takes up at least 1/3 of your screen. If you recently looked at the description of your program it will take up all of the screen. And the box doesn't go away immediately. It has to stay there at least three seconds into your program to tell you what the signal strength is. Can you tell that I don't like DTV. I should stop watching tv all together, but it's something to do out here in the boonies... Oh, and DirectTV wasn't much better when we had that...

No point to this post except to examine the human condition

On the way in to church this morning, at my turn on to Lincoln I heard some yelling to my left at the cross street. I was in the turn lane, waiting for the light to go left. The guy at the intersection to my left was opening his door (mind you this is the driver, and only person in the vehicle) and yelling at the guy in front of him. Mr. Big Yellow Panel Van wanted to turn left, and the guy in front of him was going straight, which is completely OK in that lane (silly, thanks to the city traffic dept. who are either unaware or unable to put another lane in, but still allowed). I didn't see the guy in the car, but he just drove straight when the light changed. Mr. Big Yellow Panel Van, who kind of looked like Shaq or a football player as big as he was, decided to continue with his right hand turn, and open the door and yell again as he turned onto the highway, and then as he closed the door, to flip his middle finger up at the driver, who was by then long gone down the street he was on and therefore could not see it.

I just wonder if the guy felt at all silly with his antics out in the middle of the intersection. Yeah, he's so tough yelling at and flipping off the guy in front of him who apparently wronged him by obeying traffic laws, but annoyed Mr. BYPV who wanted to turn right and couldn't. Mr. BYPV really looked like an idiot opening his drivers side door to yell (I'm guessing either the window was stuck/didn't work/or the guy was lazy and didn't want his spaceous AC to dissipate) and then flipping someone off who couldn't even see him do it. Because hurling insults out your door and giving someone the bird is an excellent way to show just how tough you are...

I'm not saying that I'm not prone to road rage. I get miffed at people who blatantly cannot follow rules, and sometimes question how some people obtain a license in the first place. Even on the way home half the people weren't following the speed limit (going slower amazingly enough), or didn't use turn signals... the turn signals really get me...

One more reason to hate the US Postal Service

I ordered a pair of headphones last Friday with the cheap shipping, which was to be 5-7 days. I thought it would be here. It was in Missouri on Tuesday, which should be one day away from here, since the town Hazelwood is on I-64 which runs right past Evansville. You would think it would sort and ship through to Evansville, right? Apparently not. It went to Dallas, TX. For crying out loud postal service, do your workers know how to read? Or maybe they use computers for it and their GPS systems are failing. Texas is not on the way to Indiana! Plus, I just checked today and guess where my package is now... Hazelwood, MO. Really USPS?

Maybe it will get here by Monday or so... Of course, they might be shipping it back to the company since my address is apparently non-existant since I can't even find myself on Google Maps.

Here's the rundown from the USPS website... They are in ascending order...

Detailed Results:

	Processed through Sort Facility, June 06, 2009, 11:20 am, HAZELWOOD, MO 63042
	Processed through Sort Facility, June 04, 2009, 6:14 am, DALLAS, TX 75398
	Processed through Sort Facility, June 01, 2009, 10:44 am, HAZELWOOD, MO 63042
	Processed through Sort Facility, May 30, 2009, 1:44 am, BELL, CA 90201
	Electronic Shipping Info Received, May 29, 2009

Random thoughts

Just watched the message from last week at Bethel Church in Redding, CA on their website. It got me to thinking. A lot of what they talk about, preach, live, experience has to do with the prophetic and the movement of the Holy Spirit. I know that one of the ways that God speaks to people is through dreams. Lately I have had a couple of different dreams, or more than that even, that have gotten me to thinking and wondering if or what they mean. One dream I mentioned before here I think, that had to do with being held hostage in a room with rocks that had valuable coins on one side and words on the other, and I was able to make a pile of them from the other rocks that I and a few other people were sitting on. The people holding us hostage were looking for the rocks with the coins. I had a dream while I was taking a nap this afternoon that I was sitting on a bench or at a table at what was possible a restaurant or coffee shop, and I was outside, sitting there with a laptop in front of me and a bag, which I think was the laptop bag. I went inside to get something, and had only been gone for a moment, and went back out and the laptop and bag were gone. I tried to remember the faces of the people who were there but had left. That didn't seem to matter so much when I noticed that there were random currency that were hidden by a door that seemed to be abandoned. I found myself pulling bills and coins from under the edge of this abandoned door of an abandoned building. No one who was around seemed to care and some even seemed to question my sanity as I kept pulling these items from below the door. I am not sure what value they had or anything, if they even had a value, but it wasn't like I was greedily gathering them in hopes to become rich. It was more like in each dream that these were things of value that were not properly being cared for or protected as they should. Maybe money was used as a symbol because it automatically translates into value for people? I don't know. I just thought that the second dream was really interesting when I woke up from it earlier this afternoon.

Anyway... not sure if anyone else will make heads or tails out of this post. I guess that doesn't really matter?

By Request: The Interviews

So today I had an interview at 9am at BestBuy for the Geek Squad job. Paul and Chris, the two Geek Squad guys that are over sales and tech respectively, interviewed me. Paul said that he was excited that a girl had applied to the Geek Squad and he could tell from talking with me that I knew what I was doing with a computer. Paul said that the first interview was the most important since he and Chris would be the ones I would be working with the most. He asked me back for my second of the three interviews that is the process for BB later on this morning at 11:30am. So I hung around Panera and Wal-Mart and grabbed some lunch at the McD's. Then I went to wait a little while in the parking lot at BB and went in a couple minutes before 11:30. When I got there the guy who was to interview me, Brian, hadn't arrived yet. I hung out at the front until he got there and was ready to interview me. The interview went well, I think. I was asked some questions about how I've dealt with customer service issues at my previous job. I could not for the life of me recall any complete specific examples and was stumbling over my words a bit, but I think it went OK! I was asked back for the third interview with the General Manager for sometime next week. They will call me and let me know a time since the GM is out for a few days and they were unsure of the schedule when they returned. So hopefully I will have another interview on Wednesday or somewhere about there next week! Be praying for me!! :)

Honeysuckle and a Tape Deck

Yesterday evening I drove into Evansville to go get some khakis, and a better fitting top for my interview this morning. As I was driving into town on the country road, going East, the sun was setting behind me. The air was cool, almost cold. There was a honeysuckle breeze. A blue sky with a few clouds. I pulled out my 3 Car Garage tape by Hanson and popped it in the tape deck and started singing along. On the way home I put in Middle of Nowhere and sang along to it.

I like nights like that.

Boring life, even more boring tech talk...

Well, I've not updated in a while, and not much has changed since the last time that I did update. We've had a couple of cookouts and been to Evansville a couple of times. I've still been looking at job postings online and applying to as many as I can. Still nothing on that front either.

One small rant about nothing related to any of this... People on Craigslist are insane. I made a post in the wanted section looking for a non-working camcorder, either Hi-8 or VHS, both of which are not used that much anymore and I assumed there might be people out there who would want to get rid of some old piece of junk like that, especially if they have gotten a new one that doesn't use the old analog tech. Well, I got a couple of hits from it, but the people were looking for more money than I wanted to pay. One guy said he had one that he wanted over $25 for, and another one never for back to me when I offered to pay $1 for one, which I said in my post that I was not looking to spend anything over $5 or $10 for one, especially without knowing the condition and if I could use the parts on it.

The reason I am looking for a cheap or free old camcorder is because I want to build a night vision set up so I can see in the dark around the house. One would have come in handy last week when we had a skunk running around stinking up the place. Thankfully it has not been around lately... maybe it moved on to someone elses backyard. I already have the Infrared LEDs for the display, and am getting the parts to make the LED array. And, I just need to find a camcorder I can either take apart, or find a cheap one I can use that has nightshot. With the LED array it will give more IR light so I would have a wider and longer range of vision than a normal nightshot IR light would give... I've been looking around at the yard sales I've been to. I just need to keep checking them and maybe the Goodwill's in the area and see if they have anything I could use...

Also, while I'm waiting on responses from jobs I am needing to go get the study guide for the General License for Amateur Radio. Then I could get our shortwave radio set up and talk around the world! I should find my old map of the callsigns and put it on my wall...

Anyway... enough random tech talk for today...

It's been one week since...

Well, we know where that song goes... complete randomness...

The week has not been quite as exciting as the song, just regular mundane life in southern Indiana trying to find a job by searching online, and trying to stay sane by... well, just trying to stay sane. Not much to report on the side of jobs or anything such as that. It has been kind of stressful, and I've been going online looking at different sites for postings. I am going to have to go to the websites of specific places and apply on there... that's where I've been directed to most times when looking for jobs like last summer. Everywhere that I looked at wanted an online application. OK... it just might be time to put in that application for the Geek Squad. I really don't want to work in retail, but there's not that many open office or tech related positions in Evansville, it seems. Or I just don't know where to look.

Aside from that, life is not all that interesting. Just playing Combat Arms for some time killer, and doing random other things to keep busy. I am going to try to find some of my books that I want to read, either for the first time or again, tomorrow. There's not much to do here. I want to go get out of the house for a while sometime but I really don't have anywhere to go. I don't know much of the layout of E-ville or anything, or any places to go that would be interesting. I have no reason to go hang out at the mall or anything like that. And no one to go do stuff with. I went to my brother's church on Sunday, and will be going back this Sunday. I am wanting to get plugged in with a small group or something but am still not sure if that is the right church for me. It feels a lot like GCC, which nothing against them, I just do not like the atmosphere of it that much. I will see how this coming Sunday goes. Last week was Mother's Day so they had all kinds of special things going on. We'll see. I wish there was some other way to get plugged into a Christian community here than to try to find a church to fit into and then get to know the people there. I might look around for some Christian coffee houses or something. One of the girls that I went to Bethel with also lives down here. At least that is one connection here, other than family. It's nice to know that someone else I have gotten to know in the last 5 years is also here. Even though here is extremely boring without classes or work or so many familiar faces around.

It has been just about one week since I graduated from college. I still don't think that the fact has settled in. I've still been looking for job postings online to apply to and send my resume to. Not gotten any hits quite yet. Mostly I've been trying to get some rest lately from the insane weekend last week, and the whole shifting of settings recently.

I've finally got both my Mac and my laptop set up in the corner of the bedroom. The futon has been pushed back into a couch for now, instead of a bed. The room is still a mess from my things randomly strewn wherever they were on Monday when I brought them all in.

Monday morning my Dad came in the bedroom and handed me my cell phone, soggy and wet as it was from laying in the yard all night where it fell out of my hoodie pocket onto the ground when I got out of my car after arriving home very late Sunday night, after a long day and an even longer drive. (And that was quite the run-on sentence.) I got the battery out of it right away and took the memory card out and opened it up as much as possible. I laid it on a dish rag to get the water soaked up. It works now... I just haven't charged it since then...

It has been nice to be able to sleep without worrying about an alarm or anything lately... I just keep having really weird dreams, like being held hostage by some group of guys with a bunch of other people in a room that looked like something out of an Indiana Jones film, where there were a bunch of rocks with words imprinted on one side and a rare coin embedded into the other. Those rocks were in the midst of other rocks in the room that we were all sitting on, but it was unusually comfortable to sit on them, and I was sitting close to a cluster of those rocks, so I was secretly trying to make a pile of them and hide them so the robbers would not get them. Then we were all of a sudden in another room that looked like a lecture hall or a theater or something of that sort, and one guy was up towards the front waiting on the getaway car, and he had a little revolver pistol pointed at us, and somehow I got a revolver pistol and got outside to try and shoot the car, but I missed and then I woke up. Been watching too many of those retro shows with my Mom where revolver pistols is all that the cops carry...

Also on the subject of sleep, apparently the only time I can think of ways to arrange the room here is when I am almost asleep. I always think of different things I can do or whatever when I am just about to drift off to sleep. Then I wake up and realize that I was almost asleep... Go figure...

Tomorrow morning is the Poseyville town wide yardsale. That means an early wake-up call and getting out walking around, trying to spot deals before others do... And tomorrow is our Mother's Day cookout. People have stuff planned for Sunday already so we're doing stuff tomorrow.

It is currently thundering loud and long. I don't think it has started to rain yet. I am glad to be back where I can experience a real thunderstorm. Northern Indiana storms just do not compare.

I think I'm going to end this post finally, and see if the kitties want to come back inside...

By the way, check my Flickr page for graduation pics!!! My sis and my friend Jess P. took pics :)

Anyone who knows me well enough, or even not that well, can probably attest to the fact that I freak out at little things, or at things that I should be patient with.

Yesterday I was at dinner with Megan and got a phone call from Lyndee telling me that there was a dorm meeting back at the dorm and I needed to be back by 8:15. Megan and I were still at the restaurant and I was supposed to go to work on a friend's computer at 7:30. I was frustrated by the news of a dorm meeting, and got upset about it. Just as soon as I hung up the phone and was explaining things to Megan about what was going on, I got a call from my friend Mary whose computer I was to work on. She said that she was just getting back from work and would be about half an hour before I could come over to work on the computer. So we ended up scheduling to meet up today for me to work on her computer. But I texted Lyndee back that I would be coming to the dorm meeting and that God was probably laughing at me, because I got upset over the meeting because I had something already scheduled, and then the scheduled thing ended up not happening, so I was able to go back to campus...

When we got back to campus I went back to my room to drop off my food and let Megan use my computer. Then Lyndee came in the room and we ended up going down towards the conference room for the "meeting". Lindsey was also coming towards the conference room from her apartment. We went in, and as I came in the lights were turned on and everyone that was in there yelled "SURPRISE!" and I saw that the room was decorated with streamers and balloons and there were snacks on the table! They had planned out this whole surprise for my birthday!! I was definitely surprised, and wondered how I hadn't seen it coming. But that thing with the scheduling... definitely a God thing... and I'm pretty sure He was laughing at me.... or at least at the fact I got so upset over something that wasn't even really something to get upset over... since it was all made up just to get me back to the dorm for my surprise party... I should tell my friend Mary what happened. I forgot to when I was working on her computer today...

Not much time to update right now. I'm working on some homework before my head gets too tight and I fall asleep. I should just go on "third shift" from now until the next two weeks is up. Night time is the only time I ever get anything done... if even then. Dumb lack of motivation.... hmph. Two weeks from finishing. A lot of papers and project type things to finish these last two weeks. This week and next week basically. Then it's finals week, which I will have mostly to myself. I will be working possibly on Wednesday and Thursday, although I'm not sure yet how long each day. It depends on who else is wanting to work those days also, which is fine by me. Two more weeks... I have to keep reminding myself of that. Gonna try to finish a few more journal entries and then go to bed.... about to fall asleep right now...

Random...

So, my liking of caffeinated beverages has paid off... I got a phone call today from a number I didn't recognize. I answered, and the guy on the other end asked to speak to me. I said I was Nora, and he said that he was calling to inform me that I had won the Bawls BMX bike. I was sitting here like "Are you kidding?", coz I'm used to getting these things saying I've won something but there's a catch, like they want your credit card info or something. This was not one of those calls. He asked me to confirm the address they had on file for me, which he read off first, and said that the bike would be shipped within 2-4 weeks. I asked if it would be getting here before the end of the month, and he said he would make a note on there to ship it at the latest by the 25th. Crazy!

This is the bike that I will be getting!












I will be lucky if I can actually ride it with it being so small and me being fairly large... ugh... I hope to be able to use it to some of its ability soon... working on this whole losing weight thing. Been doing some calisthenics exercising lately, just to get my metabolism up more than what it is. I think it's been working. My abs have a slight bit of muscle to them now instead of none at all. So, at least i'm heading in the right direction.

dreams and dreaming

I had a very strange dream last night. Well, I think it was right before I got up, but I was asleep so I couldn't really tell you what time it was... Anyway... I dreamed last night that for some reason I was feeling hopeful about something... about a relationship, I think. And then someone said to me something about the guy I was thinking about (who is real, and who shall remain nameless since it was only a dream, and I'm not sure why I dreamed it, or even if I know this person well enough to have dreamed about him, but I did) had said something on Facebook about "us" that was ambiguous, but hinting. I was all confused and, again, hopeful as I said before. We ended up hanging out, but that's about it, coz later on I woke up and was still confused as ever as to why I would have dreamed such a thing.

Also, before I went to bed last night, I had put in my resume on Monster.com to 6 places in the Evansville area. Hopefully I will end up getting a job prior to graduation, so I can have a job when I move back home. Who knows if that will happen or not. But that is sort of what I mean by "dreaming". I know that some of my skills I've gained from working in Computer Services here will help when I get out into the "real world" of jobs.... which is what it's supposed to do...

Anyway.... I need to get on with my homework. I have to finish the Saturday Seminar paper, and two other papers for Biblical Theology for tomorrow. I went to the 7-11 and got a bottle of Bawls Guarana for tonight. That will hopefully keep me awake long enough that I can finish something anyway...

I still need to figure out all the things I need to do prior to graduation... No one tells you all the details you need to know when you are graduating... or maybe I don't know who to ask? I just feel like I'm missing things that I should know....

Forgot the deadline for the Saturday Seminar project. Also didn't have a group to do it in.

I keep not being able to get things on paper for my papers for Bib Theo. I stink at getting my thoughts on paper these days.

Adolescent Lit is a blow off class.... Since we hardly ever learn anything, and the book is lame.

Practicum for YM? The youth pastor is not doing the things he should be doing. How am I supposed to do what I should be doing if he is not properly equipping me.

Meh. I feel like this semester is doomed for disaster... which is not good since it's supposed to be my last one. Feeling like an oddball as a fifth year senior doesn't help any. Not having finances to support myself after graduation doesn't help. Neither does not knowing what I'm going to be doing once I leave here.

Basically... I'm feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed...

I know that God is doing something but right now it just seems so hard to figure out what.

I can't say "Descend On" without overwhelming panic and distrust, no matter how good my belayer.

late night ramblings

I went to a time of worship at the Shiloh Prayer Chapel this evening. That was good. It's been a long time since I was in there, especially for a community worship event. I miss Prayer Watch...

I have a paper to work on tomorrow. And a presentation to prepare for Friday morning. This is going to be interesting. Coz neither I or my groupmate on this project have gotten together to do anything yet. Lovely. But my partner on the project is a cheerleader and was gone all of last week/end for the men's basketball games that were out of town... like Branson, MO out of town... long ways...

One of the girls from youth group is going to be on campus a couple of times this week for different college preview stuff. I hope I don't come off the wrong way if I don't have much time...

I need to go to the store tomorrow... Aldi has good prices on milk. Might look at some other stuff to get there if I can get some healthy stuff... although I'm not sure that is even possible at Aldi... where everything is mostly packaged stuff that is an off-brand name and is much cheaper.

I took a nap earlier this evening, because working on my project with the girl in my group fell through. I wasn't sure how much time I had this evening. I feel like I was a jerk to one of my friends. If you read this, I'm sorry, I was just feeling extremely overwhelmed at the time you messaged me, and I didn't mean to be a jerk to you.

Once I got back I was able to check my e-mail and she'd finally e-mailed me back about meeting tonight, saying she couldn't. So since I was so tired from the Bib Theo class (which for some reason makes me go cross-eyed and get drowsy) that I came back to my room and took a nap on the loveseat in the living room. Not the most comfortable thing to do, coz your feet end up falling asleep from being up on the arm of it. I kept falling asleep and then waking up and jerking myself awake, because I was cold from the furnace fan going, and the light was on, and I wasn't all that comfortable...

Anyway... this is a very long post, and I should be going to bed... I need to get up somewhat early to shower and start writing on my paper that I somehow accidentally deleted or didn't save properly. If I had one of those waterproof pen and notepads, I could save time and write the paper in the shower... I seriously have some of my best (and sometimes not so great) ideas while isolated in the shower. Or when I'm falling asleep.... Never when I am fully conscious and sitting in front of my computer... which is most of my life these days... Maybe computers really do kill brain cells... Hmmm... I get tired of not using my imagination as much as I used to... I feel like my creativity has gone down the drain as I get older... I want to be the kind of person who thinks of something by "staring out a window" like that one story goes with the guy complaining about another guy who is in his office staring out the window all the time, while everyone else is being a number-cruncher and go-get-em kind of worker... But while they are doing, doing, doing, he is thinking, and he figures out a solution to something... I used to think of stuff all the time... and although some of it was somewhat crazy and usually improbable, at least I was trying new things out in my head, instead of just going through the motions of stuff all the time...

OK, I really need to go to bed, because now everyone is going to be bored, or think I'm a wacko, or both...

Goodnight everybody....

Well, I've not posted on here for quite a while. I don't even remember what I last posted about. I'm sure that not much has happened since then. Life has been crazy since getting back from spring break. At least now it's spring. This last week there wasn't one night that I got to bed before 1am. That pretty much had me wiped out for the weekend. I didn't have anything planned for yesterday so I slept in as late as I could, which ended up being about 11:00. And I even slept through my alarm this morning and missed church today. I had a dream that I was wearing one of those t-shirts with speakers in them a la thinkgeek's "personal soundtrack" tee. Except the shirt I was wearing was red, I think. And I couldn't find the off button. So I kept hearing Bono belting out "It's a beautiful day... Don't let it get away..." with the guitar and everything... repeating itself multiple times. It started to get annoying, and I kept trying to turn it off somehow. I finally became conscious enough to reach to my phone and peck the OK key to get it to shut off, but by then it had apparently gone off for about half an hour because I didn't get up after that until about 10:20am. I had woken up earlier in the morning, around 6am to my roommates' alarm clock beeping. It had been set for 5:15am coz they had a track meet to go to and had to be up then yesterday morning. So, it had been going off for a while, too. I must have been really out of it.

So far today I have watched the movie "Wargames: The Dead Code". It was really good. Nice action, tech stuff that I enjoyed. I don't think I've ever seen the original, or if I have it's been a while. I think I saw the movie "Hackers" but not the first Wargames movie. It was a good choice, though.

I haven't done much other than that, and look up stuff online, and send in a paper that was due earlier last week. Now I need to see what else I have to do before tomorrow. Last night, even when I went to bed before midnight, I still didn't get to sleep much before 1am. I kept thinking about stuff. Wondering if I had any big papers due this week. Thinking about how I'm going to get things done by the time graduation roles around. What I need to get done for graduation. How am I going to get all my stuff home after graduation. Am I going to have the money to pay off everything up here before I leave? I have a medical bill I'm still paying on. And a late fee from the library. And a very small paycheck this last time. Yes, I realize I need to be smarter with my money. I don't need any responses on that front...

Looking forward to graduation is somewhat hard, sort of not. Hard because I do not know how many people I know who will actually be able to come. My parents aren't up to traveling, which I understand. I'm not sure how all my stuff is going to get home. I'm not sure how many, if any, close friends will be able to come. I've heard rumors of certain family coming, but not sure if they will make it up here either. And graduating and leaving Bethel will be somewhat easy because I am very seriously feeling the "senioritis" being a 5th year senior because my friends have already graduated, and I doesn't know many of those in the classes below mine, and I'm just ready to do life without so many rules and people looking over my shoulder every minute. Although that might still be the case if one is prone to believing all the "big brother" stuff they see on TV...

Anyway.... this post has gotten long and rambly. I could probably think of a bunch of other things to fill it with, too, but I'm not feeling like writing much more.... which you are all probably thankful for...

dream ramblings... deep thoghts... and some tech ramblings...

I had a dream last night where I was with some people I know, and we were in a room that I had seen before in a dream (many of my locations are repeated often) and we were talking and sitting at a table. Someone took something that I had in front of me, and I got upset, because there were not very many of them, and I think I had other things on my mind, that sort of made it one of those "last straw" situations or something. I'm not sure why or anything, that's just the direction the dream went. I don't think I'm at that kind of point right now at all. Anyway, I ran off to this place in the building where I was trying to lock the doors behind me, but ended up in a room that was adjacent to the room with the other people in it. I then tried to lock this elaborate door system between the rooms. It was like a scene from a suspense movie, but after fumbling with the locks and stuff, I got them to latch together properly, and then was somewhat emotional. Then one of the people who had I think been out with the others, came in behind the wall, through a different door somehow. No one else really wanted to come back there, I guess. I heard them asking each other if this person would be able to talk to me. And the girl that came back there signed to me in ASL, because she knew it was important that we talk and not be overheard, since the wall could not be seen through but could be heard through. And she said "You don't have to control the situation." YOU NOT-NEED CONTROL SITUATION. I did not respond because I woke up. But I felt like it was God telling me not to worry, or invest my time in things I could not control, but wanted to. And also, not to get upset with things minor, or that don't really matter in the long run.

I also had another dream where I was in the dream version of Griffin that I have in my head, I don't know how or why it looks like it does, but it's sort of a mix between what I know of Griffin, and what it might look like in a video game. Why I turned Griffin into a video game world in my head, I don't know. But anyway, I was in a yard somewhere, and wondered where my sister Mary went. It was summer time, and I had been hanging out with the youth from a church (i think some of them were from where I'm at now, but some weren't, they were just there from somewhere...). I later found out that she was waiting patiently to ambush some of the kids with a Super Soaker. Once I got to talk with her later I asked if we could have a Super Soaker truce between us so we would agree not to soak each other, but to go after the neighborhood kids.

Yeah, random and strange. Not sure what that last dream was about.

Anyway... my computer should be in tomorrow. I need to clean my room so I can do the unboxing video in here. I am trying to figure out when I should pick it up from the mailroom. Coz I'm not sure that I can get it before I go in to work, so maybe if I don't have many work orders I can talk my boss into letting me go get it, since everyone at work wants to see it too. Maybe then I could use the real camcorder to take my video... I do need to clean up my desk, and my room in general. Health checks are happening this week, and my room is a disaster area. It's been bothering me lately, but I've not had that much time to actually work on it. And my desk... well, I'm somewhat like my brother was when he was still living at home... he apparently always had every glass from the kitchen in his room from when he used them... my desk is the same way... I have all kinds of glasses and bottles and take out cups on it... I don't know why I can't just take them over to the trash or out to the recycling in the hall, or to the sink in the kitchen. Oh well... It's something I'm working on. I hope to have a video up by tomorrow night or Tuesday once I get my computer all up and running and get stuff installed that I want to get installed. I still need to purchace Office for it. Hopefully I can get over to the bookstore and do that before I go home for break. It would be helpful for getting things done over break. I'm excited that I am going to have a standalone version of Photoshop so I can work on pictures... that came with my computer. Definitely cool. I've been looking forward to tomorrow all weekend... I still need to work on my theology paper this evening. I took a two or three hour nap earlier, though, and have a cola right now. So I will probably be up for a while anyway...

A long day

I feel like I haven't spoken to anyone in days. Not a really good conversation anyway. I did Thursday night with Sara. Friday was not very social. I didn't feel very good for most of the day. And today I was stuck in class all day. I kind of really wanted to hang out with people this evening, but I didn't find anyone to hang out with. I went to SG to grab dinner and came back to my room and watched a movie. Then I played my djembe here in the room, with a blanket stuck in the end so it wouldn't be loud and bother other people. That kind of helped some. Looking forward to church tomorrow, just to be in His presence. Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to have to write a paper for Monday's Bib. Theo. class. Ugh. That class is eating my lunch. At least I think that's the proper use of the phrase...

Anyway... I'm off to bed because of the long day in class today... and we even got out an hour early because the speaker wanted to go to the basketball game! I don't know if we won or not. It was a good class, but they are always so long. By the end I was so antsy to get out of the room. I tried to take a nap, but couldn't. Probably too much caffeine anyway. I got a chai this evening, so not as much caffeine as a coffee... or it just doesn't affect me in that way from chai as coffee does. I'm tired now, and no one is on AIM or anything, so I'm just going to go to bed. I'm going to try to make it to Crossroads in the morning. I haven't been for a long time...

Goodnight all...

So many things on my mind right now. Of course isn't that normal for my blog posts?

I am pretty stoked about the computer that I ordered from Dell on Friday... but I have to wait until it gets here... which I am not too enthusiastic about waiting, but what can you do?

I have a bunch of homework to do tonight... reading stuff then writing about it mostly. I am going to hole up in the computer lab tomorrow night and work on my paper for Senior Sem as it is due on Thursday, but I can still work on it after that, the paper just has to be good enough for a passing grade to be put on the books. Then I can work on it more after that if necessary...

I keep getting so distracted...

And, yes, I am going to go all tech/geek when I get my computer and do an unboxing video from my camera (without sound though, because I don't have a mic on my camera, but I might put music to it), and I will then upload it somehow for ya'll to see who read my blog. I need to get a copy of Office from the campus bookstore soon so I can get that installed when I get my new compy. At least that will end the having to type things on Google Docs and then copy/paste them into Word and do all the formatting there. Finally. After over four years of having to find some other way to get my papers written. And I will be able to open documents and stuff... Do you have any idea how good it will be to finally be able to write papers on my own computer? Or open things without having to wait until I can get to the computer lab? Or be able to have a couple of "extra" programs on my computer, like Google Earth and a Twitter app? Or being able to Skype with friends and family with the built in mic and webcam? OK, OK, I'll stop... but for me... getting a new computer is very very exciting...

Thinking about dreams and dreaming of things, more daydreaming of things... Needing to get homework done... at some point. I still have things that I'm working on to get in to prof's this week. Ugh. Feeling like Relient K right now... missing the sun... although we've had some sun and very warm 60 degree weather. It's been nice, but it's about to get cold again. I'm still in hibernation mode. Working on that. Been out of that mode for over the weekend and now I'm back in it. During the week I get run ragged from my classes and work schedule, and homework and youth group... which I will be doing more of the next couple of months prior to graduating. Just went to talk with Casey today about stuff for the semester. Gotta take stuff in to my prof for the class tomorrow. I don't like Monday's and Wednesday's... mostly because everything is so spread out that I only have about an hour between things and that's not time enough for me to get things done at the pace I normally function at when reading/writing a paper. And days like today, by the time I get off work, and run errands like I did today, I'm wiped out by dinner time. And I'm still up, why? I don't even know.

This is getting long and rambly. I could make a point to myself about some things right now... but will save it for later. Or not at all. I just keep thinking about things I want to do, when I should probably be focusing on the here and now... and blah, blah, blah...

Anyway... I really am just rambling now... and I should probably go to bed as this is probably not making sense to anyone, and I'm tired and am going to have a very long day tomorrow... Worrying is not good, but I do it anyway... I think I'd rather just dream instead of worry... alrighty... off to bed...

I'm off to bed here in a bit. Today has been intense. Yesterday was also intense. The time of year (with mostly no sunshine) has gotten to me. Stress has gotten to me. Lack of spending time with God has gotten to me. Class work has gotten to me. Thoughts of the future after graduation has gotten to me.

Needless to say I need some spiritual and relational refreshing right now.

Dreams...

In the nighttime sense...

I keep having strange dreams. Well, all my dreams are usually strange, aside from the couple or three really intense ones I had freshman year and haven't had similar ones since... But I keep dreaming the same places on various nights. I just know that the places are familiar.

Mostly these familiar places I have been to are somewhat similar to places I have actually been, while others are just something I have only seen in my mind. I tend to dream about places with stairs, usually trying to get down the stairs, but sometimes trying to go up. And they are not normal stairs. The dream I had last night was one of those dreams.

I don't remember many details, except that I was in some building, one I had been in before in a dream, I think, and it had really strange architecture. It had some large windows and some "modern" looking stairs and other things. And when I say "modern" it's more like the stairs were different pieces of wood or something, covered in carpet, and were suspended, sort of like some demented playground. And to descend, from quite a height mind you, you had to gingerly step from one of the edges of a long board down to the other. They moved a bit, too, which increased my vertigo in the dream. Some guy, a tall black guy, maybe British, that was dressed in a sort of fashion/art sort of style, was helping me down this odd staircase. Then I got to one step that I could not get down from. For some reason the whole thing sort of spun or swung or something just enough to throw me somewhat off balance. Someone was on a platform to my right and stuck out their hand and pushed against me. At first to hold me up, and then it almost seemed as if they were trying to push me against something to my left, a pole or the wire or something the step was attached to. I yelled at the person to let go and stop pushing me, and I think that's where the dream ended...

I always seem to find myself in some kind of staircase or something, like one dream I had with some sort of attic in this really large, slightly creepy and elaborate house. Most of the passage ways through the house had some stair case or something. One was like really large wooden platforms suspended in the air, but solid so you could jump up on one or down from them to another. Anyway, I climbed around in those and just could not get anywhere that I wanted to go.

Also, in last nights dreams I had one that did not have to do with stairs but had to do with another recurring theme I have in my dreams. I'm not sure if I was knocked down or was trying to get up out of something, but I was coming out of a building, kind of crawling as if to get to safety from something, and I crawled out on this sandy place, with a wall to my right and a jeep to my left. It started raining, and the water splashed down on the sand and beaded up on it. For whatever reason I could not stand up for anything. Many of my dreams are like that. I am trying to get somewhere and can't, either because I can't get up the stairs to it, or I can't stand up from somewhere.

I'm not quite sure what to make of these dreams.

Dreams keep popping up. While typing this one of my roommates mentioned a dream they had last night. My sister has mentioned her odd dreams to me lately. A random guy at SG mentioned his, that I talked about in a previous post with the black hole thing. And someone on Twitter that I follow mentioned having strange dreams...

And off the dreams topic, but the topic of things coming up more than once, I had a really good conversation with Holly this morning, as she called me from S.K. And then at church some of the things that she had said were reverberated in the message.

I'm still trying to figure out what is the meaning of all this repetition.