The last week has been insane... busy, stressful, exhausting... mostly just because of classes and homework and just being generally tired lately. Today was Free Burrito Day at Chipotle. I worked this evening from 5pm-9pm so I went there after I got off work before they closed. I had some foil wrapped around my wrist as a bracelet to get my free burrito. It was yummy. I didn't eat all of it either. Those things are massive. I also got chips and a drink just because I didn't want to just go in and get a burrito and that be it. I wanted to provide them with some business at least. Tomorrow I am going to be at Notre Dame for most of the day filling in at a concession stand for one of my friends. It's an opportunity to be on campus during a home game, and to make some money... which is good since I have some bills to pay off. Alright... I think I'm going to bed soon... I'm beat...

It seems that my room is like by brain... all scattered and disorganzed with no clue where to put everything...

I need to get to cleaning my room so I can think.... The problem is I tend to not be in my room much, except to sleep... although there are probably times where I could not be on the computer and instead get my room organized. I have to before next week... we have health checks late next week.

This Saturday is the Saturday Seminar. I'll be spending all day in 342.

The end of the semester is coming up fast. I feel unprepared. And although going home was good for me last week, I feel slightly out of touch with what I need to get done now that there are almost less than seven weeks left in the semester. And I have a lot left to do.

I'm currently working on some homework that I need to get done. I want to try to go to bed early tonight.... I haven't worked out since before last week, and I need to get enough sleep so I can go. I've been lacking in sleep, and my eyes have been dry and bloodshot because of that. The air has also been getting cold and dry, which hasn't helped, especially when riding my bike around campus. It seems though that since going home and having come back, with actually starting to exercise and change some of my eating habits, and trying to only drink diet soda if i drink soda, I am noticing some change in my weight. That is very encouraging. Either that, or my jeans need washed coz they're stretched out from wearing them... I'm not sure which...

On to the homework...

Loans.

I need them to get through school.

I can't get them... for whatever reason...

I am being hounded by the college to get loans through.

I am going to try to go talk to the financial aid people tomorrow to figure out what i need to do.

And, I just applied for another loan and it went through, and I just have to wait for it to come in the mail to sign it and send it back.

Hopefully I still graduate in the spring...

It's been a long week. It's going to be a longer one... This next week I need to get some doctor bills paid, get my oil changed in my car, get the plates on my car renewed, write some stuff for what my paper for Disciple Making Structures is going to look like, formulate my resume for Senior Sem. in YM., get some of my stuff from storage to take home, do some other class work stuff that I can't recall right now... and... get it all done before I go home Thursday morning... or rather Wednesday evening, so I can have my car packed before I head out Thursday morning.... Oh, it's going to be an interesting week...

feeling defeated

You ever just feel like you can't get ahead no matter what?

fight

have faith

believe

be patient

wait

roll with the punches

keep trusting

i

think

i

will

just

go

sit

in

a

corner

and

cry

thank

you

very

much

......

Maybe I'm just being emotional for no reason... or i'm simply stressed... or just simply feeling like all kinds of blessing are just passing by and landing with other people... i'm not trying to hide behind a door... i'm sitting out here in the open... i probably couldn't even get struck by lightning standing in an open field if i tried knowing the way things go for me...

maybe the enemy is just getting to me... or i just need sleep.... i have a fairly long day ahead of me tomorrow... or today... service day... then writing a paper that i've been putting off.... my muscles all ache because of finally working out today, for the first time in what seems like forever... so, i'm going to bed to try and get some sleep...

Focus

I feel like I have none. Although the ability to transport to la-la-land for minutes at a time must be something on the lines of focus... even though it is not focusing on what should be focused on at that point...

I think I must have amazing focus... It is just misdirected on to useless or entertaining things.... (thank you media of the 80's, 90's and now...) instead of being focused on the more practical things. I need to learn to focus on the more practical things. And to focus harder on them... or something like that. I'm tired of feeling lost by the third week of classes, even though I've been trying to keep up. I just can never seem to concentrate until the last minute.

I frustrate me sometimes... I can sometimes focus on something, think about it, and solve a problem... but i can't focus when I really need to.

I think i'm rambling now, and need to go to bed soon.

I am starting exercising with Rachel tomorrow morning. 8am on M-W-F. We are both wanting to exercise, and are going to keep each other accountable. Hopefully we will keep up with it...