Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Bible study this evening was an amazing study/discussion on spiritual warfare. This study will last several weeks and is from a series titled "The Invisible War". I'm not going to get to be there for all of the sessions in this study but I'm excited for this.

During the discussion we were asked to give a response to a question, which several people did. During Sunday morning Bible study there is always discussion and questions. Even last Sunday evening we had a sort of spontaneous meeting and were given the opportunity to discuss various topics and input our thoughts.

My problem is I may have something to say, but I rarely speak up. I never feel like I have anything worthwhile to say that will add to the conversation. Or I just don't want to interrupt. I don't like to talk over anyone to make my point heard. If I do have something to say and actually want to say it I will usually not speak very loudly at first. If no one hears me trying to get into the conversation I usually just hold on to the thought. Although after a few seconds my thought will escape if I don't write it down first!!

I think part of it too is that I'm a quality time/small group kind of person. With one to three people I'm usually fine talking. That's small enough of a group for me to actually get a chance to speak. I don't like trying to speak up in a group of more than four or five.

I just get so annoyed at myself for feeling like I had something I could say, something to add to the conversation, and I don't speak up.

The same goes for spiritual things as well. Every once in a while I may feel that Holy Spirit is doing something. Sometimes I'm able to discern what it is and speak that. Other times I can just sense that He is working, but on what specifically I'm not sure, so i may not say anything. If there's a specific picture I'm given, I can usually tell then what I'm supposed to say.

Those are my thoughts tonight. I want to have the boldness to speak up more. I have the freedom to do so. There are plenty of opportunities. But just speaking is the hardest step for me. To add my thoughts or experiences to the mix. Not that I don't trust my church family with what I would say. I trust them. I just don't trust myself to say things the right way the first time. I tend to write things out and edit my thoughts before I will say them. Or just edit them in my head a million times so sometimes I don't know if I said it out loud or just thought it really intently so it sounded loud in my head. Maybe I'm strange. This is why I write instead of talk most times. Because sometimes what I say may sound strange.

That is all I have for now. Leave your thoughts or comments below. (Seeing views on my posts and no comments is like me sitting in Bible study and being silent. I'm there but what am I contributing to the conversation?)

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