Resolution/Revolution

New Year's. The cliche time of year when people make resolutions that typically last maybe a week. Maybe longer. But rarely through the year.

I don't really have any resolutions. Goals, maybe. But not resolutions in the traditional sense.

I'm currently sitting at my parent's house watching/listening to the International House of Prayer, Kansas City, onething conference. Ringing in the new year, not with watching a shiny crystal ball fall from a tower in NYC and listening to pithy secular music, but ringing in the new year with worshiping the One who gave us life. I desire to see the level of worship that they have at onething in the local churches here. The focus on prayer and worship, along with rightly dividing the Word.

My desires for the new year are to grow deeper in Christ. To sell out to Him. To lose myself for the One who found me. In my worship, in my prayer life, in my devotions, in my readings, in my life.

On Sunday, pastor Floyd talked about living wholeheartedly for God, and asked the simple question: Are you living wholeheartedly for God? Just a few days ago I was thinking about how I don't like who I am outside of church. I let my guard down. I don't pay as close attention to what I say, or how I react to things, or who is around me. It made me thing: What kind of Christian am I? A Pharisaical hypocrite! I don't want to catch myself wondering how I would act, or react, if I were around people from church. Because it doesn't matter whether I am around people from church, or if I'm in the middle of a crowd of strangers - there. is. always. ONE. constant. - and that is Christ. He is the only One I should care about how I act around. Which means the anger, and irritation, and annoyance (because I tend to be antisocial and jump to conclusions, etc [like walking into a store and being judgmental because they don't have something on the shelf that I think they should have and I let them know it), need to be transformed into love. So, in short: No. I haven't been living wholeheartedly.

Another desire for this new year... Which sounds like a cliche resolution at first: to lose weight/become more fit. But I want to do it, not only for health, or to fit into clothes I haven't worn since college... I want to get to a point where I can kneel in prayer again. Maybe that sounds silly. I know that how you situate yourself when you pray is not as meaningful as what you pray... but there's just something about kneeling in prayer. And I can't stand it that I can't kneel. So that's my biggest motivation for losing weight. Aside from all the other reasons (like maybe my knees wouldn't give me such issues in general, aside from not being able to bend to kneel). I want to be able to jump and lift my hands in worship without being self-conscious about how I might look (Coz I know it can't be pretty).

I also hope to continue to grow in my spiritual giftings/discovering them. Learning to walk in what I haven't yet fully discovered or had revealed to me.

I'm excited for what this year holds. I could recap this last year. It was full of firsts. Apartment. Full-time job. Car. It was also a time of transition and growth. Much of that to do with my church (no it's not technically mine, i don't own it, it's God's church, but it's where i go, and where i call home). A point of transition - spiritually especially, happened during out Women's retreat in August. I am blown away by the transformation in the women of the church, in myself, and in the church as a whole as a result of the things we learned that weekend. I feel like it accomplished what we set out to do: grow deeper in Christ, and get to know each other better and bring unity to our women's group. Although I have not been able to attend on Wednesday nights much since the retreat, I still feel that there is a closeness that was not there before the retreat. It brought us together. Most important it brought us closer to Jesus. I really feel like that weekend, although I was kind of distant all weekend due to personal battles trying to steal it from me, was a turning point for me to bring me out of the desert again.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year, but also for the church. I'm looking forward - praying & believing - for immense spiritual growth, for courage to spread the Gospel, to speak to the surrounding people and communities, to show the people in this county who God truly is.

Anyway, that is all I have for now. I already started this post last year, and what do you know, a new year has already rolled around! (sorry for the stale new year's joke)